Episode 2 – Across the Parallel Universe
A Shough-Gilmour Production
Written by: Alex Gilmour
With Additional Material by: Justin Shough.
Based on the Concept Created by: Justin Shough
Please Hold…
Captain: Mr Moe have you set our flight path for our journey to Nether Moore?
Moe: Well as you can see I’m kind of busy here watching TV, but I guess its important so I’ll do it tomorrow around 12.
Captain: No! Moe it’s far too important, I want it done at 11.45 tomorrow!
Doctors log star date 25.1:
After the not-so-tragic events that occurred on the Planet Yarnellia the crew seemed to have finally adjusted to their new Captain. He is now one they respect and feel comfortable looking at, without throwing up every 5 minutes. Not only that, but he always makes us drinks whilst on duty and so saves the World Beaver Federation from employing a new tea boy! I enter this log as I sit arranging the various flowers in the window…well it’s not much of a view, just a lot of stars and hell of an enormous Wormfeederhole… Wormfeederhole??
Alex: Bridge! Are you seeing what I’m seeing?
Justin: Err, yeah! I’m watching Michelle in the tanning room she’s all nice and warm and things are coming along just fine…
Alex: No you fool! The Wormfeederhole!
Justin: Wormfeederhole? B6B bring it up onscreen! Oh my god, Alex get down here immediately!
Alex: I’m on my way!
On the bridge:
Justin: B6B, check the statistics for that thing!
B6B: It’s over 2 miles wide sir and seems to be slightly unstable.
Justin: R.O.B.E. what do you think?
R.O.B.E: I think we should all go to the tanning room and watch Michelle I mean…turn around now, it doesn’t look good!
Justin: OK. Hold position, we cant go back there’s one of those blackish hole-ish things behind us we don’t want to get sucked into that!
Captains log star date 25.1:
We’ve been holding our position for half an hour now. R.O.B.E. (Really Obnoxious Beaver bot Employee) seems to think that we change course. Moe Jones, however, seems to think it’ll be fun if we go through it, and I’m always up for the fun! Seeing as I’m not really qualified in anything, but tea making, and taking biscuits out of their wrappings, I’ve never had to make such a life threatening decision before, except for the time when there was Kenco and Maxwell House and the Captain wanted Nescafe! Anyway, I have made my choice!
Justin: Maxwell House…I mean, we’re going in!
Alex: We are?
Justin: Yes! Set Co-ordinates in the co-ordinator for the Wormfeederhole!
Moe: Woo-Hoo!
Justin: Report!
B6B: She’s really brown and her skin is so soft…Err the wormfeederhole? It’s really unstable and seems to be pulling us in at an alarming rate!
Alex: Oh my god! Did you see that sign?
Justin: What sign? God nooo I’m blind…oh no I just closed my eyes.
Alex: It said, Wormfeederholesoon!
B6B: I’ve just found this site on the Internet, which says that this Wormfeederhole is unfinished, due to disputes between the original creators and their secret lack of interest in the project! By not finishing this hole we could all end up like Rosemary….
Alex: Dead?
B6B: No…. Forgetful, Gullible and Hideously Ugly!
R.O.B.E: Thrusters are down! We’re losing power!
Crew: Aaaarrrggghhhhhhhh!
Computers log star date Unknown:
We have left the Wormfeederhole, with a brief loss of power, which caused me to shut down, but I was somehow reactivated to find the whole crew unconscious. Now back online I have found the ship to be in order and am now accessing porn on the Internet to pass the time.
R.O.B.E: This is your new captain speaking. Do not panic I have control of the ship!
Captain: Waah! What happened?
R.O.B.E: Oh well! Maybe once I have gone crazy and killed the whole crew in a tragic accident, I shall take control of the Starship Beaverprise!
Captain: Report!
R.O.B.E: Hang on! You’re not our regular Captain…You’re Captain Matthew Beaverson! But you’re dead!
Captain: Don’t be stupid! I was merely unconscious!
Alex (waking up): What the hell? Beaverson! What are you doing here? Yawn… You’re dead! Where’s Justin?
Captain: What are you talking about? I'm here aren’t I!?! Justin? Why don’t you remember?
Alex: Remember what?
Captain: Justin died in the tragic visit to the Planet Yarnellia several weeks ago, along with Moe Jones our aviation expert! After Rosemary didn’t make it on time for the beam down (she was asleep) we had to send the nearest available crewmember. Being his first real mission we sent Moe along with him, but both of them were captured and slaughtered by the Yarnellites!
Alex: So is Rosemary here too?
Rosemary: Of course I’m here! I’m always here! Scanning all sorts of items and generally looking at all the products that my customers are purchasing! I even read the magazines sometimes! I’m certainly not dead, although my hair looks terrible, half is died brown and the other half is grey!
B6B: What the hell are you talking about? Magazines!?!
Captain: Porno’s…I think.
R.O.B.E: Captain! On the radar there’s a blue dot moving towards a red dot-I think we are the red dot…there’s err something heading towards us at an alarming rate!
Captain: On screen!
Paul: My God What the hell is that?
Alex: It looks like a Yellow Submarine!
Captain: What the f*ck are you talking about Alex? Shields up! Open communications!
R.O.B.E: It’s too late sir something’s beaming aboard our ship!
Michelle: Oh my god! It’s some kind of hideous lanky square headed monster!
B6B: Good God!
Creature: Hello! How are you?
John Doe 4 (John Doe the 3rd perished in the tragic plague on Voron 6, as he was the only one to beam down to the planet): Kill it! It’s evil!
Creature: Don’t point that phaser at me! I’m devilishly nice!
Captain: Put your weapon down John!
John Doe 4: Aaarggghh!
Creature: I’m sorry I had to shoot him! I do of course come in peace.
Captain: What the hell are you?
Creature: I am Aerosmithian the Great!
Alex: And the submarine?
Aerosmithian the Great: We borrowed it from the Beatles; our last ship (the Titanic) wouldn’t fly. Hey, who’s the lady?
Rosemary: My name is Rosemary Wag…
Aerosmithian the Great: Not you! You perverse our optical nerves! The girl with the skirt! You please my sensory glands erotically.
Michelle: I’m Michelle!
Aerosmithian the Great: Spiffing.
Captain: Where the hell did they go?
R.O.B.E: They appear to have beamed back to there sh…submarine, sir! And I think they’ve taken Michelle with them!
Alex: Then we have risked all and lost…(starts crying) Captain! I think that creature, the Aerosmith thing…or whatever it said it was, I think I’ve seen it before! I’m going to my quarters to check something out! I’ll be back shortly!
Doctors log star date Unknown:
I recognised the bizarre creature that beamed aboard our ship, and I knew where I’d seen it before! I returned to my quarters and logged in to my personnel computer, where I accessed the details on my Grandfather: Sir Alexander James Ruomlig (who was knighted in 2026 for his initiative work into the development of data storage, especially that of website mockery. Sir Alex had created a web page on a personage called Aerosmith, he was a college student and worked part time at Safeway’s. Nobody had seen him for months. People worried about what had come of him, but it was said he had gone to Barcelona, but in actual fact he had been sent into space by NASA on a search to find a super intelligent Monkey they had sent to the moon. But he was kidnapped by the Nether beings of Nether Moore and they took him to their homeland and made him their leader…and so a society was born.
Alex: R.O.B.E. do u think we can get back through the Wormfeederhole?
R.O.B.E: It’s very unstable and there’s a chance we might not make it…
Alex: So it’s possible?
R.O.B.E: Well, yeah, hay why not!
Alex: Make it so!
R.O.B.E: My direct orders are from the Captain, Doctor!
Alex: The Captain’s a Beaver R.O.B.E! And anyway you know he’s not the real Captain! Something went wrong and we’ve got to go back to fix it!
R.O.B.E: OK, but we need to get Michelle back first!
Alex: Lock onto her signal and beam her aboard.
R.O.B.E: That’s not possible. The submarine has its shields up!
Alex: Then open communications!
R.O.B.E: Opening communications: Please select the sever provider you request-
You have chosen Bt Internet-logging into secure server…
Aerosmithian the Great: What is it you want?
Alex: I want Michelle back!
Aerosmithian the Great: Yes, but she’s with me now!
Alex: You don’t understand she’s…. err…she’s….
Aerosmithian the Great: Yes?
Alex…She’s my wife!
Aerosmithian the Great: Why didn’t you say so before! I don’t want to steal your girl! It’s not like we’re some kind of lanky square headed monstrous race of freaks is it now? All I wanted was a child, that isn’t really mine, to raise and look after……er, yeah……We’re beaming her aboard!
Alex: Thanks! Turn the ship around R.O.B.E!
Back on the bridge:
Captain: What’s happening?
B6B: The ship appears to be turning back towards the Wormfeederhole sir!
Captain: On who’s orders?
B6B: The Doctor’s!
Captain: Doctor Who?
B6B: No, Doctor Ruomlig, sir!
Alex: Yes that’s right! We’re turning the ship around! We’ve entered some kind of parallel universe and whilst travelling through the Wormfeederhole our computers have been used to find out about us and create a new dimension! Some greater force is at work here! Who? I don’t know! But what I do know is that you Captain and Rosemary here are supposed to be dead. And Justin and Moe should be on this ship with us! So I’m taking us back to make things right!
Rosemary: Not if I shoot you first! (Fires phaser)
John Doe 5: Aaargghh son of a biiiaaaaa…..
Rosemary: Oh damn! If I only I was a better shot with this gun thingy, then I wouldn’t have shot poor John! Sorry love!
John Doe 5: It’s ok! I couldn’t stand the sight of you a second longer! (Rolls over dead)
R.O.B.E: We are now entering the Wormfeederhole!
B6B: It’s still very unstable!
Alex: Hey! Stop chewing at my leg!
Captain: Sorry! I have to at least try and stop you, so that it looks like I want to live in this world! Where everybody hates me and mocks me behind my back, and the only one who loves me is Rosemary! Our sick sexual Beaver-Human relationship has been the only thing that has kept me going on this perilous mission! All I want is for…
Alex: I’d kill myself if I had to wake up to her every morning.
Paul: Where did he go?
B6B: We’ve now left the Wormfeederhole!
Justin: Thank God for that! I thought we were never going to get out of there alive!
Alex: Ah, Captain you’re back!
Captains log star date 25.1
The good Doctor has now explained to me what occurred on our passage into the Wormfeederhole. He believes that our ship’s computers were scanned for information and this was used to create a parallel universe. I don’t remember much. I just remember a bright light, I thought I was going to heaven. There are no clues as to who was behind this, but we think it to be a greater alien mind than all of the crew’s put together…which isn’t too great, unless you add mine in there somewhere! Anyway, we have Michelle, Moe and myself back now and Captain Beaverson and Rosemary disappeared as we left the Wormfeederhole. The casualties from the mission were John Doe 4 and John Doe 5. Luckily we have their cousin John Doe 6 to help us out. All is well again. For these are the voyages of the Starship Beaverprise! Our continuing missions to escape life and destroy strange new worlds…to boldly go where no beaver has been before! Oh such a perfect day…Im glad I spent it with..
Alex: Err…Captain Your singing again
Captain: Wait! I thought everything was the same and everyone who should be here was but who the hell are you? And I don’t remember you? Please explain…
Queen Kayleigh: I am Queen Kayleigh of Chim-ne-ne-na and this is my slave girl Watty we are here to tell you something mildly important, around 7 years ago some of my close friends were kidnapped by an alien race called Alka-ka they had been held on the ship The Alkatraz Mary Rose we have reason to believe a number of “humans” were involved we will (Chim-ne-ne-na) make a declaration of peace with Earth if you will help us…
R.O.B.E. has crashed. Do you wish to reconnect to the R.O.B.E. mainframe?
You have selected No
Would you like to access pornography using the R.O.B.E. server?
You have selected yes, please type your selected U.R.L. into your browser, Goodbye.
A Shough-Gilmour Production
Written by: Alex Gilmour
With Additional Material by: Justin Shough.
Based on the Concept Created by: Justin Shough
Please Hold…
Captain: Mr Moe have you set our flight path for our journey to Nether Moore?
Moe: Well as you can see I’m kind of busy here watching TV, but I guess its important so I’ll do it tomorrow around 12.
Captain: No! Moe it’s far too important, I want it done at 11.45 tomorrow!
Doctors log star date 25.1:
After the not-so-tragic events that occurred on the Planet Yarnellia the crew seemed to have finally adjusted to their new Captain. He is now one they respect and feel comfortable looking at, without throwing up every 5 minutes. Not only that, but he always makes us drinks whilst on duty and so saves the World Beaver Federation from employing a new tea boy! I enter this log as I sit arranging the various flowers in the window…well it’s not much of a view, just a lot of stars and hell of an enormous Wormfeederhole… Wormfeederhole??
Alex: Bridge! Are you seeing what I’m seeing?
Justin: Err, yeah! I’m watching Michelle in the tanning room she’s all nice and warm and things are coming along just fine…
Alex: No you fool! The Wormfeederhole!
Justin: Wormfeederhole? B6B bring it up onscreen! Oh my god, Alex get down here immediately!
Alex: I’m on my way!
On the bridge:
Justin: B6B, check the statistics for that thing!
B6B: It’s over 2 miles wide sir and seems to be slightly unstable.
Justin: R.O.B.E. what do you think?
R.O.B.E: I think we should all go to the tanning room and watch Michelle I mean…turn around now, it doesn’t look good!
Justin: OK. Hold position, we cant go back there’s one of those blackish hole-ish things behind us we don’t want to get sucked into that!
Captains log star date 25.1:
We’ve been holding our position for half an hour now. R.O.B.E. (Really Obnoxious Beaver bot Employee) seems to think that we change course. Moe Jones, however, seems to think it’ll be fun if we go through it, and I’m always up for the fun! Seeing as I’m not really qualified in anything, but tea making, and taking biscuits out of their wrappings, I’ve never had to make such a life threatening decision before, except for the time when there was Kenco and Maxwell House and the Captain wanted Nescafe! Anyway, I have made my choice!
Justin: Maxwell House…I mean, we’re going in!
Alex: We are?
Justin: Yes! Set Co-ordinates in the co-ordinator for the Wormfeederhole!
Moe: Woo-Hoo!
Justin: Report!
B6B: She’s really brown and her skin is so soft…Err the wormfeederhole? It’s really unstable and seems to be pulling us in at an alarming rate!
Alex: Oh my god! Did you see that sign?
Justin: What sign? God nooo I’m blind…oh no I just closed my eyes.
Alex: It said, Wormfeederholesoon!
B6B: I’ve just found this site on the Internet, which says that this Wormfeederhole is unfinished, due to disputes between the original creators and their secret lack of interest in the project! By not finishing this hole we could all end up like Rosemary….
Alex: Dead?
B6B: No…. Forgetful, Gullible and Hideously Ugly!
R.O.B.E: Thrusters are down! We’re losing power!
Crew: Aaaarrrggghhhhhhhh!
Computers log star date Unknown:
We have left the Wormfeederhole, with a brief loss of power, which caused me to shut down, but I was somehow reactivated to find the whole crew unconscious. Now back online I have found the ship to be in order and am now accessing porn on the Internet to pass the time.
R.O.B.E: This is your new captain speaking. Do not panic I have control of the ship!
Captain: Waah! What happened?
R.O.B.E: Oh well! Maybe once I have gone crazy and killed the whole crew in a tragic accident, I shall take control of the Starship Beaverprise!
Captain: Report!
R.O.B.E: Hang on! You’re not our regular Captain…You’re Captain Matthew Beaverson! But you’re dead!
Captain: Don’t be stupid! I was merely unconscious!
Alex (waking up): What the hell? Beaverson! What are you doing here? Yawn… You’re dead! Where’s Justin?
Captain: What are you talking about? I'm here aren’t I!?! Justin? Why don’t you remember?
Alex: Remember what?
Captain: Justin died in the tragic visit to the Planet Yarnellia several weeks ago, along with Moe Jones our aviation expert! After Rosemary didn’t make it on time for the beam down (she was asleep) we had to send the nearest available crewmember. Being his first real mission we sent Moe along with him, but both of them were captured and slaughtered by the Yarnellites!
Alex: So is Rosemary here too?
Rosemary: Of course I’m here! I’m always here! Scanning all sorts of items and generally looking at all the products that my customers are purchasing! I even read the magazines sometimes! I’m certainly not dead, although my hair looks terrible, half is died brown and the other half is grey!
B6B: What the hell are you talking about? Magazines!?!
Captain: Porno’s…I think.
R.O.B.E: Captain! On the radar there’s a blue dot moving towards a red dot-I think we are the red dot…there’s err something heading towards us at an alarming rate!
Captain: On screen!
Paul: My God What the hell is that?
Alex: It looks like a Yellow Submarine!
Captain: What the f*ck are you talking about Alex? Shields up! Open communications!
R.O.B.E: It’s too late sir something’s beaming aboard our ship!
Michelle: Oh my god! It’s some kind of hideous lanky square headed monster!
B6B: Good God!
Creature: Hello! How are you?
John Doe 4 (John Doe the 3rd perished in the tragic plague on Voron 6, as he was the only one to beam down to the planet): Kill it! It’s evil!
Creature: Don’t point that phaser at me! I’m devilishly nice!
Captain: Put your weapon down John!
John Doe 4: Aaarggghh!
Creature: I’m sorry I had to shoot him! I do of course come in peace.
Captain: What the hell are you?
Creature: I am Aerosmithian the Great!
Alex: And the submarine?
Aerosmithian the Great: We borrowed it from the Beatles; our last ship (the Titanic) wouldn’t fly. Hey, who’s the lady?
Rosemary: My name is Rosemary Wag…
Aerosmithian the Great: Not you! You perverse our optical nerves! The girl with the skirt! You please my sensory glands erotically.
Michelle: I’m Michelle!
Aerosmithian the Great: Spiffing.
Captain: Where the hell did they go?
R.O.B.E: They appear to have beamed back to there sh…submarine, sir! And I think they’ve taken Michelle with them!
Alex: Then we have risked all and lost…(starts crying) Captain! I think that creature, the Aerosmith thing…or whatever it said it was, I think I’ve seen it before! I’m going to my quarters to check something out! I’ll be back shortly!
Doctors log star date Unknown:
I recognised the bizarre creature that beamed aboard our ship, and I knew where I’d seen it before! I returned to my quarters and logged in to my personnel computer, where I accessed the details on my Grandfather: Sir Alexander James Ruomlig (who was knighted in 2026 for his initiative work into the development of data storage, especially that of website mockery. Sir Alex had created a web page on a personage called Aerosmith, he was a college student and worked part time at Safeway’s. Nobody had seen him for months. People worried about what had come of him, but it was said he had gone to Barcelona, but in actual fact he had been sent into space by NASA on a search to find a super intelligent Monkey they had sent to the moon. But he was kidnapped by the Nether beings of Nether Moore and they took him to their homeland and made him their leader…and so a society was born.
Alex: R.O.B.E. do u think we can get back through the Wormfeederhole?
R.O.B.E: It’s very unstable and there’s a chance we might not make it…
Alex: So it’s possible?
R.O.B.E: Well, yeah, hay why not!
Alex: Make it so!
R.O.B.E: My direct orders are from the Captain, Doctor!
Alex: The Captain’s a Beaver R.O.B.E! And anyway you know he’s not the real Captain! Something went wrong and we’ve got to go back to fix it!
R.O.B.E: OK, but we need to get Michelle back first!
Alex: Lock onto her signal and beam her aboard.
R.O.B.E: That’s not possible. The submarine has its shields up!
Alex: Then open communications!
R.O.B.E: Opening communications: Please select the sever provider you request-
You have chosen Bt Internet-logging into secure server…
Aerosmithian the Great: What is it you want?
Alex: I want Michelle back!
Aerosmithian the Great: Yes, but she’s with me now!
Alex: You don’t understand she’s…. err…she’s….
Aerosmithian the Great: Yes?
Alex…She’s my wife!
Aerosmithian the Great: Why didn’t you say so before! I don’t want to steal your girl! It’s not like we’re some kind of lanky square headed monstrous race of freaks is it now? All I wanted was a child, that isn’t really mine, to raise and look after……er, yeah……We’re beaming her aboard!
Alex: Thanks! Turn the ship around R.O.B.E!
Back on the bridge:
Captain: What’s happening?
B6B: The ship appears to be turning back towards the Wormfeederhole sir!
Captain: On who’s orders?
B6B: The Doctor’s!
Captain: Doctor Who?
B6B: No, Doctor Ruomlig, sir!
Alex: Yes that’s right! We’re turning the ship around! We’ve entered some kind of parallel universe and whilst travelling through the Wormfeederhole our computers have been used to find out about us and create a new dimension! Some greater force is at work here! Who? I don’t know! But what I do know is that you Captain and Rosemary here are supposed to be dead. And Justin and Moe should be on this ship with us! So I’m taking us back to make things right!
Rosemary: Not if I shoot you first! (Fires phaser)
John Doe 5: Aaargghh son of a biiiaaaaa…..
Rosemary: Oh damn! If I only I was a better shot with this gun thingy, then I wouldn’t have shot poor John! Sorry love!
John Doe 5: It’s ok! I couldn’t stand the sight of you a second longer! (Rolls over dead)
R.O.B.E: We are now entering the Wormfeederhole!
B6B: It’s still very unstable!
Alex: Hey! Stop chewing at my leg!
Captain: Sorry! I have to at least try and stop you, so that it looks like I want to live in this world! Where everybody hates me and mocks me behind my back, and the only one who loves me is Rosemary! Our sick sexual Beaver-Human relationship has been the only thing that has kept me going on this perilous mission! All I want is for…
Alex: I’d kill myself if I had to wake up to her every morning.
Paul: Where did he go?
B6B: We’ve now left the Wormfeederhole!
Justin: Thank God for that! I thought we were never going to get out of there alive!
Alex: Ah, Captain you’re back!
Captains log star date 25.1
The good Doctor has now explained to me what occurred on our passage into the Wormfeederhole. He believes that our ship’s computers were scanned for information and this was used to create a parallel universe. I don’t remember much. I just remember a bright light, I thought I was going to heaven. There are no clues as to who was behind this, but we think it to be a greater alien mind than all of the crew’s put together…which isn’t too great, unless you add mine in there somewhere! Anyway, we have Michelle, Moe and myself back now and Captain Beaverson and Rosemary disappeared as we left the Wormfeederhole. The casualties from the mission were John Doe 4 and John Doe 5. Luckily we have their cousin John Doe 6 to help us out. All is well again. For these are the voyages of the Starship Beaverprise! Our continuing missions to escape life and destroy strange new worlds…to boldly go where no beaver has been before! Oh such a perfect day…Im glad I spent it with..
Alex: Err…Captain Your singing again
Captain: Wait! I thought everything was the same and everyone who should be here was but who the hell are you? And I don’t remember you? Please explain…
Queen Kayleigh: I am Queen Kayleigh of Chim-ne-ne-na and this is my slave girl Watty we are here to tell you something mildly important, around 7 years ago some of my close friends were kidnapped by an alien race called Alka-ka they had been held on the ship The Alkatraz Mary Rose we have reason to believe a number of “humans” were involved we will (Chim-ne-ne-na) make a declaration of peace with Earth if you will help us…
R.O.B.E. has crashed. Do you wish to reconnect to the R.O.B.E. mainframe?
You have selected No
Would you like to access pornography using the R.O.B.E. server?
You have selected yes, please type your selected U.R.L. into your browser, Goodbye.
