Previously on Beaverprise…
Mask-less Person: Yeah, it’s me!
Michelle: Boba Muffett?
Robert: Oh right! We’re heading for Palmer 2. We’ll be there within two hours!
Alex: Don’t you just hate these clips at the start?
Captain: Yeah, they don’t even make sense any more!
Boba Muffett: And I’m the only one that reads them too!
Stereotypical Black Son: This is a stereotypical black quote!
Drinks Machine: Ahh Ed was captured and your Stereotypical Black Son let it happen!
They go to sleep on the ground.
Captain: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
The following takes place between 8am and 9am. In real time…If you’re lucky!
08:02:39
Michelle: You just missed the best two minutes!
Boba Muffett: Nooo! And I was foolishly making myself a drink, not realising that they would start without me!
Michelle: Oh well, the rest is crap, so you might as well carry on!
08:05:21
Captain: I think the painkillers have worked.
Alex: Painkillers?
Captain: Yeah the ones I took for my back!
Alex: Riiighhht!
Captain: So, do you think we’ve been tricked?
Alex: Why? What makes you think that?
Captain: Because we haven’t got any leads yet and we were brutally attacked at the Little House on the Prairie; mugged at Walt Dreyson World; almost raped at Bert’s Doghnut Shop; Killed at Willy Wonker’s Chocolate Factory; and we’ve been looking for a new lead for: 4 hours, 36 minutes and 9 seconds!
Alex: How the hell do you know that?
Captain: It says that on the communication device that R.O.B.E. gave me. It has a built-in stop watch.
Alex: I want one!
Captain: Let’s go and kill that damn dirty informant and his dirty family!
Alex: He doesn’t have a family, Sir. He’s a loner who sells drugs.
Captain: Who isn’t!?!
08:10:04
Boba Muffett: Killed?
TV: Yes, that’s right! Michelle of Starship Beaverprise, has been killed. This information may not be true and so is probably false!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) You’re not dead are you?
Michelle: Err…I might be, who’s asking?
Boba Muffett: We’ll take that as a no then!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person leaves the room, for an unknown, suspicious reason.
Michelle: So are you going to let me go then?
Boba Muffett: I’d only let you go if you did one thing. One legendary thing.
Michelle: Like what?
Boba Muffett: Webster’s defines it as a sexual favour!
Michelle: I see! Pull your trousers down then!
Boba Muffett: I don’t know, I kinda want to enjoy this hot mug of coffee before it goes cold.
Michelle: Aren’t I hot enough for you?
Boba Muffett: Not quite as hot as this mug of coffee, because it’s just boiled.
Michelle walks towards him.
Boba Muffett: So you’re going to see my unmentionables!
Boba Muffett pulls his trousers down…We’ll spare you the details.
Michelle: Ugh! I mean…There isn’t a word that can describe it!
Michelle grabs the mug of coffee and throws it on Boba Muffett’s forbidden zone.
Boba Muffett: Aaaarghghhh! My eyes…I mean, my beautiful unmentionables!
Michelle makes a run for it as Boba Muffett falls to the floor in agony.
08:16:45
Captain: We’ve got to ring Ed!
Alex: But he’s at uni!
Captain: No you fool, he hasn’t rung us back yet!
The Captain rings Ed.
Phone: Hello?
Captain: Hi is this Rachael’s phone?
Phone: No, Rachael’s dead, this phone belongs to Ed.
Captain: That’s alright then!
Phone: I’m afraid your friend has been involved in a terrorist kidnapping!
Captain: What? The WBF Leader is no friend of ours!
Phone: No, Ed has been kidnapped!
Alex: Ed what are you talking about?
Captain: You fool it’s not Ed! He’s been kidnapped!
Alex: Gasp! Noooooooooooooooooooo!
08:23:45
Michelle is running for her life.
At Boba Muffett’s Secret Hideout…
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) My God! What sick experiment are you carrying out?
Boba Muffett: The bitch burnt me with this tasty mug of boiling hot coffee!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Yeah great story! Where the hell is she?
Boba Muffett: She ran out that way!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) To the Bat Mobile!
Boba Muffett: You mean the Boba Mobile?
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Yeah!
Michelle reaches a pay phone.
Phone: Hello! This is Jack Beaver, Jr. Agent to the stars!
Michelle: Hi, Dad? Where are you?
Phone: I can’t talk right now sweetie! There’s a bomb in Los Angeles. You need to get to Aunt Beaver’s.
Michelle: Ok, but I have to save Megan first! I accidentally stole her from her crib and beat her brutally.
Phone: Ok honey! I’m not really listening, but do it anyway! I have to go now, I’m in the middle of an important game of hide and seek, with Tony Almaida!
Michelle hangs up and continues to run for her life, whilst almost getting run over.
08:30:23
At the Secret Informant’s Not-So-Secret Hideout…
Alex: Come out you freak! We know you’re in there!
Informant: How could you possibly know?
Captain: We know!
Informant: You’ll have to blast your way in!
Alex: Hand me the shot gun my good man!
Informant: Aaarghh! Release the hounds!
Captain: Hounds, eh?
A massive rumble is heard from around the corner, when suddenly a dog comes…trotting around the corner? What the hell!
Wellie: What’s going on here?
Captain: Oh my God! It’s Wellie!
Alex: Aaaarghghhhh!
Wellie skips over to the Captain and starts licking his face playfully.
Captain: Get him off! Get him off!
Alex: Asta la vista Wellie!
Alex cocks the shot gun and blasts Wellie!
Wellie: Noooooooooooo! Aaaarrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh!
Captain: Quickly, blast down the door!
Alex takes several shots at the door, until giving up and throwing the shot gun down in anger.
Alex: Hand me the pick axe!
Informant: Noooooooooooooooo!
Alex begins to smash the door in with the pick axe, with little results.
Alex: It’s made out of reinforced steel!
Captain: Open the door you twisted freak!
Alex: I’m trying you bastard!
Captain: Not you…Well you as well!
Informant: Open it? Why didn’t you say so before!
The door unlocks as Alex and the Captain enter.
Captain: You tricked us! Now you must pay!
Informant: I don’t want to go back to that hell hole!
Alex: Earth?
Informant: You’ll never take me…alive!
Alex: Noooooooo! The sweet pleasure of killing you myself! Don’t take this privilege from me!
The Informant shoots himself in the head.
Captain: Fool! Hey, what are these photos in this suspicious brown envelope?
Alex: Oh my God!
Captain: What?
Alex: It’s Michelle naked!
Captain: Cool! Let me see!
Alex: It’s alright, there are plenty to go round!
Captain: My love affair with Michelle has been re-ignited!
Alex: Come on, we’ve got to get back to the WBF! We’ve got to save Ed!
Captain: Don’t mention Ed at a time like this!
Outside…
Captain: I’m going to use this communication device, I mentioned earlier, to call the pod to us.
Alex: That’ll save us a lot of time! Good thinking!
08:46:01
Heading for the WBF in the Pod…
Alex: You do realise we aren’t going to get there in time!
Captain: In time for what?
Alex: In time to play snakes and ladders with Jack Beaver, Jr.
Pod Computer: Would you like me to use warp speed?
Captain: How come you didn’t mention this before?
Pod Computer: I was pissed off with you then, because you were being bastards!
Alex: Who’s the bastard now then?
Pod Computer: Initiating semi-warp speed, because I’m kind of pissed off with you! Mowahahaha!
Captain: Good one!
08:55:54
Alex: Wow! That was quick! Just imagine how stupidly fast we would have got here in full warp speed!
Inside the WBF…
Jack Beaver, Jr: Waheey! You’re back!
Bloke: And just in time for a transmission from Ed’s kidnapper!
Alex: Cool!
Transmission: I suppose you’re wondering why I’ve kidnapped Ed and your beloved WBF Leader?
Captain: Not really. I was wondering why you were wearing those hooded cloaks!
Transmission: Oh, that’s just to hide our true identities!
Alex: Which are…?
Transmission: What like I’m going to tell you!?!
Alex: Pretty much!
Transmission: Well ok! You’ve persuaded me! I was going to wait until next week, but what the hell!
The cloaked figure removes his cloak.
Captain: Boba Muffett?
Jack Beaver, Jr: Stereotypical Black Son?
Bloke: Elvis Presley?
Alex: Bill Clinton?
Transmission: No, it is I…BEAVERSON!
08:59:57…08:59:58…08:59:59
09:00:00
Mask-less Person: Yeah, it’s me!
Michelle: Boba Muffett?
Robert: Oh right! We’re heading for Palmer 2. We’ll be there within two hours!
Alex: Don’t you just hate these clips at the start?
Captain: Yeah, they don’t even make sense any more!
Boba Muffett: And I’m the only one that reads them too!
Stereotypical Black Son: This is a stereotypical black quote!
Drinks Machine: Ahh Ed was captured and your Stereotypical Black Son let it happen!
They go to sleep on the ground.
Captain: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
The following takes place between 8am and 9am. In real time…If you’re lucky!
08:02:39
Michelle: You just missed the best two minutes!
Boba Muffett: Nooo! And I was foolishly making myself a drink, not realising that they would start without me!
Michelle: Oh well, the rest is crap, so you might as well carry on!
08:05:21
Captain: I think the painkillers have worked.
Alex: Painkillers?
Captain: Yeah the ones I took for my back!
Alex: Riiighhht!
Captain: So, do you think we’ve been tricked?
Alex: Why? What makes you think that?
Captain: Because we haven’t got any leads yet and we were brutally attacked at the Little House on the Prairie; mugged at Walt Dreyson World; almost raped at Bert’s Doghnut Shop; Killed at Willy Wonker’s Chocolate Factory; and we’ve been looking for a new lead for: 4 hours, 36 minutes and 9 seconds!
Alex: How the hell do you know that?
Captain: It says that on the communication device that R.O.B.E. gave me. It has a built-in stop watch.
Alex: I want one!
Captain: Let’s go and kill that damn dirty informant and his dirty family!
Alex: He doesn’t have a family, Sir. He’s a loner who sells drugs.
Captain: Who isn’t!?!
08:10:04
Boba Muffett: Killed?
TV: Yes, that’s right! Michelle of Starship Beaverprise, has been killed. This information may not be true and so is probably false!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) You’re not dead are you?
Michelle: Err…I might be, who’s asking?
Boba Muffett: We’ll take that as a no then!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person leaves the room, for an unknown, suspicious reason.
Michelle: So are you going to let me go then?
Boba Muffett: I’d only let you go if you did one thing. One legendary thing.
Michelle: Like what?
Boba Muffett: Webster’s defines it as a sexual favour!
Michelle: I see! Pull your trousers down then!
Boba Muffett: I don’t know, I kinda want to enjoy this hot mug of coffee before it goes cold.
Michelle: Aren’t I hot enough for you?
Boba Muffett: Not quite as hot as this mug of coffee, because it’s just boiled.
Michelle walks towards him.
Boba Muffett: So you’re going to see my unmentionables!
Boba Muffett pulls his trousers down…We’ll spare you the details.
Michelle: Ugh! I mean…There isn’t a word that can describe it!
Michelle grabs the mug of coffee and throws it on Boba Muffett’s forbidden zone.
Boba Muffett: Aaaarghghhh! My eyes…I mean, my beautiful unmentionables!
Michelle makes a run for it as Boba Muffett falls to the floor in agony.
08:16:45
Captain: We’ve got to ring Ed!
Alex: But he’s at uni!
Captain: No you fool, he hasn’t rung us back yet!
The Captain rings Ed.
Phone: Hello?
Captain: Hi is this Rachael’s phone?
Phone: No, Rachael’s dead, this phone belongs to Ed.
Captain: That’s alright then!
Phone: I’m afraid your friend has been involved in a terrorist kidnapping!
Captain: What? The WBF Leader is no friend of ours!
Phone: No, Ed has been kidnapped!
Alex: Ed what are you talking about?
Captain: You fool it’s not Ed! He’s been kidnapped!
Alex: Gasp! Noooooooooooooooooooo!
08:23:45
Michelle is running for her life.
At Boba Muffett’s Secret Hideout…
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) My God! What sick experiment are you carrying out?
Boba Muffett: The bitch burnt me with this tasty mug of boiling hot coffee!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Yeah great story! Where the hell is she?
Boba Muffett: She ran out that way!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) To the Bat Mobile!
Boba Muffett: You mean the Boba Mobile?
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Yeah!
Michelle reaches a pay phone.
Phone: Hello! This is Jack Beaver, Jr. Agent to the stars!
Michelle: Hi, Dad? Where are you?
Phone: I can’t talk right now sweetie! There’s a bomb in Los Angeles. You need to get to Aunt Beaver’s.
Michelle: Ok, but I have to save Megan first! I accidentally stole her from her crib and beat her brutally.
Phone: Ok honey! I’m not really listening, but do it anyway! I have to go now, I’m in the middle of an important game of hide and seek, with Tony Almaida!
Michelle hangs up and continues to run for her life, whilst almost getting run over.
08:30:23
At the Secret Informant’s Not-So-Secret Hideout…
Alex: Come out you freak! We know you’re in there!
Informant: How could you possibly know?
Captain: We know!
Informant: You’ll have to blast your way in!
Alex: Hand me the shot gun my good man!
Informant: Aaarghh! Release the hounds!
Captain: Hounds, eh?
A massive rumble is heard from around the corner, when suddenly a dog comes…trotting around the corner? What the hell!
Wellie: What’s going on here?
Captain: Oh my God! It’s Wellie!
Alex: Aaaarghghhhh!
Wellie skips over to the Captain and starts licking his face playfully.
Captain: Get him off! Get him off!
Alex: Asta la vista Wellie!
Alex cocks the shot gun and blasts Wellie!
Wellie: Noooooooooooo! Aaaarrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh!
Captain: Quickly, blast down the door!
Alex takes several shots at the door, until giving up and throwing the shot gun down in anger.
Alex: Hand me the pick axe!
Informant: Noooooooooooooooo!
Alex begins to smash the door in with the pick axe, with little results.
Alex: It’s made out of reinforced steel!
Captain: Open the door you twisted freak!
Alex: I’m trying you bastard!
Captain: Not you…Well you as well!
Informant: Open it? Why didn’t you say so before!
The door unlocks as Alex and the Captain enter.
Captain: You tricked us! Now you must pay!
Informant: I don’t want to go back to that hell hole!
Alex: Earth?
Informant: You’ll never take me…alive!
Alex: Noooooooo! The sweet pleasure of killing you myself! Don’t take this privilege from me!
The Informant shoots himself in the head.
Captain: Fool! Hey, what are these photos in this suspicious brown envelope?
Alex: Oh my God!
Captain: What?
Alex: It’s Michelle naked!
Captain: Cool! Let me see!
Alex: It’s alright, there are plenty to go round!
Captain: My love affair with Michelle has been re-ignited!
Alex: Come on, we’ve got to get back to the WBF! We’ve got to save Ed!
Captain: Don’t mention Ed at a time like this!
Outside…
Captain: I’m going to use this communication device, I mentioned earlier, to call the pod to us.
Alex: That’ll save us a lot of time! Good thinking!
08:46:01
Heading for the WBF in the Pod…
Alex: You do realise we aren’t going to get there in time!
Captain: In time for what?
Alex: In time to play snakes and ladders with Jack Beaver, Jr.
Pod Computer: Would you like me to use warp speed?
Captain: How come you didn’t mention this before?
Pod Computer: I was pissed off with you then, because you were being bastards!
Alex: Who’s the bastard now then?
Pod Computer: Initiating semi-warp speed, because I’m kind of pissed off with you! Mowahahaha!
Captain: Good one!
08:55:54
Alex: Wow! That was quick! Just imagine how stupidly fast we would have got here in full warp speed!
Inside the WBF…
Jack Beaver, Jr: Waheey! You’re back!
Bloke: And just in time for a transmission from Ed’s kidnapper!
Alex: Cool!
Transmission: I suppose you’re wondering why I’ve kidnapped Ed and your beloved WBF Leader?
Captain: Not really. I was wondering why you were wearing those hooded cloaks!
Transmission: Oh, that’s just to hide our true identities!
Alex: Which are…?
Transmission: What like I’m going to tell you!?!
Alex: Pretty much!
Transmission: Well ok! You’ve persuaded me! I was going to wait until next week, but what the hell!
The cloaked figure removes his cloak.
Captain: Boba Muffett?
Jack Beaver, Jr: Stereotypical Black Son?
Bloke: Elvis Presley?
Alex: Bill Clinton?
Transmission: No, it is I…BEAVERSON!
08:59:57…08:59:58…08:59:59
09:00:00
