Written By: Justin Shough
Almost Destroyed By: Alex Gilmour
Episode 8-The Past, present and if there’s time…the future.
Logging into R.O.B.E…if you are religious cover your eyes…now
Captains Log star date 8.1: Well after the humorous adventures and revelations of the past few missions everybody has become bored of the mission at hand…whatever the hell that is…oh right to save the Earth, we have resorted to foolish on goings such as pinning Ed to the ceiling of the observation room with forks and then increasing the gravitational pull in the room by +1 every minute to see how long he stayed there…of course after the first minute he fell down onto the floor and broke his left arm…although I’m sure he found it as funny as we did! Well…
Alex: Oh something else your doing on your own! Why cant I help you write it?
Captain: it’s a captains Log…for captains!
Alex: Whatever you bastard
Captain: How’s Ed Alex?
Alex: Who? Oh Ed he will be fine
Captain: Good, now we can begin planning our next mission!
Moe: Do we have to? Cant we just watch saving private Ryan or Die Hard?
Alex: What! Didn’t you watch those last night?
Moe: So?
Paul: Is there any of that chocolate that Ed was covered in left?
Captain: No it melted, some idiot left the control terminal the other day and we veered towards a sun…it got a little hot.
Alex: Dont lie you ate it! So what are we doing today then?
Captain: I was just reading the mission notes for mission 7 it was quite funny!
Alex: Not as funny as the legendary mission 6 though! Some may even say that this will be less funny than the last…
Captain: Well the one thing I do know is it will be funnier than that comedy we watched last night on TV what was it called?
Alex: Life is work I think… it was pretty crap
Paul: I liked it!
Alex: I don’t like you
Moe: I’m still here everyone!!
Jane Doe: You are? I thought you died my love, come here and kiss me John Doe 33
Moe: My name is Jo..Moe! John Doe 33 probably died a horrible bloody death
Jane Doe 5: Noooo! Ahhh no ahhhhhh
(Jane Doe 5 has a heart attack)
Captain: Alex is there anything you can do? Oh wait you suffer from Aichmophobia, get Michelle to do it, oh and I vote Jane Doe5's death the most annoying yet.
Alex: What the hell does achmobobia or whatever that was mean?
Captain: A fear of needles, see I’m not stupid after all.
Alex: Yeah whatever
Captain: Well by now you have all forgotten about our previous missions but nobody cares not even me, this is the only mission that matters for the next 10 minutes or 15-20 if you’re a slow reader…
Alex: Captain your talking to yourself again
Captain: What? I was talking to you, you fool!
Alex: What you said didn’t make sense
Captain: Made sense to me... that’s all that matters
Somewhere else in the vast nether regions of the universe:
Creature: ha ha ha ha little do the earthlings know they are being watched…thanks to our spy aboard the Starship Beaverprise mwahahaha fools! hahaha
2 hours later
Creature: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha cough, cough ha ha cough
Another Creature: Ha ha ha ha ha the time has come to once again try to put an end to their meaningless missions.
Creature: Final preparations are now being put into place for the transporters, we have selected two of our best freaks to be sent back…in time.
Back on the Starship Beaverprise
Captain: For the first time since we arrived in space I feel safe in my surroundings…
Alex: Yeah me two, although sometimes I get the feeling that were being watched…
Michelle: How could that happen?
Alex: I don’t know its just a feeling
Michelle: Nobody is watching you, I mean us…
Paul: That sounds like spy talk Michelle
Michelle: No, no it doesn’t
Paul: Guards lock her up!
Captain: Who the hell are you talking to? And you don’t have that authority!
Moe: I want to kill everyone!
Alex: No you cant, there aren’t enough characters as it is!
Paul: Characters?
Alex: Shut up
R.O.B.E-What the hell is going on? You keep talking but nothing has happened yet and where the hell are B6B and Ed, I mean Moe has said more than them so far!
Captain: Be quiet R.O.B.E B6B and Ed are fine aren’t you?
…………….
B6B: Oh hi, sorry I’m late the traffic on the way to the studio was bad.
Ed: Traffic? Studio? Shut up you fool! We err…we slept in… we were hung over! We got really drunk last night!
Alex: On what? there’s no alcohol on board the ship! And I thought you broke your arm Ed!
R.O.B.E-Oh ill field that one…firstly Rosemary when she first boarded the ship smuggled in large quantities of alcohol…she was a raging alcoholic…and Ed lied and said he broke his arm so he could spend time with Michelle. pretty obvious seens hes a hologram and cant be hurt really!
Captain: Fair enough…but why was B6B with Michelle and Ed
Ed: No reason.
Alex: Hmmm suspicious!
Somewhere Else…Again…
Creature (A Guadilian)-Gather around everybody for this is truly a great day, today we will send back in time two of our most trusted allies to Earth, the very day the Starship Beaverprise is due to be launched into space…they will sabotage the ship and the crew will never make it into space…failing that, they are instructed to kill each member of the crew.
Back Onboard the Starship Beaverprise…
Captain: its strange isn’t it, nothing has really happened yet…like R.O.B.E said earlier, I cant help but think something terrible will happen be it now or in the future…or possibly the past.
Sometime In The Past…Early 2099 (launch Day Of The Starship Beaverprise)
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Okay we have arrived, good
Alien Bounty Hunter#2-Why are we naked?
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Something to do with a terminator joke I think
Alien Bounty Hunter#2-Oh okay! Also I was wondering why we are called alien bounty hunters when we are hunting humans
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-We just are, ok? you ask to many questions, from now on you are not allowed to talk or I will kill you, Okay?
Silence...
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Okay good, now lets make our way to our destination point, we have our fake ids that say were 18…I mean allowed on the ship, so we should be able to board the ship, remember you are Mrs Beaverson and I am Mr Beaverson, Matthew Beaverson’s mum and dad okay.
At The launch Area
B6B: What the hell does Rosemary have in all those crates?
Paul: Monkeys probably, or some type of livestock.
Alex: Hello! I’m Alex
B6B: Hello Alex I’m B6B and this is Paul
Alex: Who’s that stupid looking woman?
Paul: Rosemary!
Alex: No not that one, the other one the really ugly woman
B6B: Oh that is Matthew Beaverson, he is a man apparently
Rosemary: Hello everyone, oh wow what’s that? Is it a real live robot?
Alex: You freak, robots have been common place for 100’s of years, where the hell have you been? And it’s the robot R.O.B.E. will interface with should we need him to leave the ship and visit hostile planets...you know if we get scared!
Rosemary: I don’t get out much
Alex: Who’s that?
B6B: That’s Moe, he was just ordered to join us, he wasn’t initially going to be a crew member but it was decided it wouldn’t be fun without him!
Paul: Its good to be back on Earth again, don’t you agree?
Alex: We haven’t left yet you idiot!
John Doe: Hi everyone
Alex: Where did you come from, I didn’t see you standing there!
John Doe: No I don’t expect you did, nobody ever notices me…well at least I’ve got a second chance to live in this episode to prove myself
The crew members begin boarding the ship…after a few minutes Justin and Michelle join them they appear to be out of breath…panting like dogs
Paul: I don’t need to ask what you two have just been doing!
Justin: Running, so we didn’t miss the take off…we were a little late
Paul: Yes…running that’s what me and everyone else (wink, wink nod, nod) were thinking
Alex: Shut up!
Paul: I wasn’t talking to you!
Alex: So
Around the launch area perimeter…
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Okay lets try and get in…
Guard: Identify yourself
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Hi I am an Alien B….I am Mr Beaverson and this is Mrs Beaverson my wife
Guard: Are you who you say you are (talking to Alien Bounty Hunter#2)
Silence…
Guard: Well?
Silence…
Guard: Mr Beaverson you are cleared to enter the perimeter, I’m sorry Mrs Beaverson I am going to have to ask you to stay here for a moment.
Guard: You’re a little butch to be a woman aren’t you?
Silence...
Guard: Why the hell wont you say anything? Okay if you remain silent I am going to have to arrest you.
Silence...
Guard: Right that’s it you freak, your going to jail
On Board the Starship Beaverprise...
Matthew Beaverson: From now on I shall be known as the captain…ok!
Rosemary: I love a man with power
Captain: I love women who love men in power
Rosemary: What?
Captain: Never mind. We must acquaint ourselves with the ships controls, I also have a floppy disk here with R.O.B.E on, our soon to be onboard computer!
Alex: A floppy disk? Does he really take up that much memory!
Captain: Don’t worry he only takes up 30% of the disk
The crew walk into the observation room, at this time the Bounty Hunter has just boarded the ship in hope of sabotaging the take off.
Moe: So this is the observation room, its okay I guess although it smells rather odd
Captain: Oh sorry that’s me, I haven’t taken my medication
Alex: This is boring, B6B don’t you agree?
B6B: A little!
Paul: Does anyone get the feeling this has happened before?
Michelle: It has…I mean, no you fool be quiet
Captain: So this is the observation window, these are the flight controls and this is the weapons control panel…and here is where you have to insert the ignition key…marvellous!
Alex: Anyway…
Elsewhere on the ship...
Alien Bounty Hunter#1 is walking along one of the ships corridors as he walks into Rosemary…
Rosemary: Hello, you must be Matthews mum, you must be so proud
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Actually I’m his dad, and yes I am proud, sorry but I am in a hurry I will speak with you some other time.
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Thank god nobody has realised I’m still naked
Rosemary walks back into the observation room…
Rosemary: Captain I just met your farther he is a nice man
Captain: What? My dad died 7 years ago on a suicide mission for the Navy
Captain to ground control…Houston there is a problem
Alex: You fool the line is Houston we have a problem
Houston-This is Houston what appears to be the problem?
Captain: There is an unknown life form aboard the shipwho is a possible threat, he's posing as my dad
Houston-Oh that’s just R.O.B.E.
Captain: No, this is something else, something far more evil
Houston-More evil than R.O.B.E…my god, Roger that I’m sending in some men to search the ship
One of the men sent onto the ship walks into the room the Alien bounty Hunter was hiding in…
Guard: My god your naked! Put on some clothes!
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Gasp how can you tell nobody else could, or maybe whoever wrote this doesn’t know what he’s doing.
Guard: Who the hell are you?
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-I am your worst nightmare and I am going to destroy you
Guard: My worst nightmare? But your not Mrs Chaplin naked and you haven’t asked me to rub sun tan on you yet!
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-What? Mwahaha die you freak
The Bounty Hunter shoots the guard in the head and blood flies everywhere.
Elsewhere On The Ship…
John Doe: What does this do?
Captain: Don’t press that it will kill you
John Doe: I see…the edges of this control panel our sharp, I almost cut my wrist on them
Captain: My god, John listen to me carefully stay exactly where you are, you cannot die yet
John Doe: Yet?
As they are talking a light which is fixed to the top of the ships observation room falls off it starts crashing down over John Doe’s head but before it hits him…
Captain: Noooo!
The captain dives in front of John Doe and knocks him out of the way and somehow manages to not harm himself.
Captain: That was close but let that be a lesson to everyone, John Doe isn’t a cat…he doesn’t have nine lives.
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Mwahaha now to destroy the ships control terminal, I will just pull out a few of these wires…
As the bounty Hunter pulls them out (thinking they were linked to the ships control panel and not the electrically powered generator gizmo) pulled them out and in doing so sent around 55 million volts of electricity through his body…but as his body shook with electricity his body disappeared.
Justin: Can anyone smell hotdogs?
Captain: Stop talking, its my turn this week
Justin: What?
Captain: Anyway its time for us to count down our ships take off! Alex are you ready?
Alex: Hang on i'm just arranging some flowers
Captain: You idiot Gilmour...I mean Alex get yourself ready now!
Houston-Countdown in T minus 10 seconds
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
20 odd years Earlier-In A Park Somewhere On Earth
Michelle, Justin, Beaverson, Rosemary, Moe, Alex, B6B, Paul, John Doe and Ed…wait Ed isn’t in it yet, anyway they were happily playing with each other ( yes they just happen to all know each other at a very young age)…
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Ha foolish Earthlings thinking mere electricity could deter me, I have had to come back in time to when the crew were merely children to kill everyone of them.
Alex: Hey look there’s a weird looking man
Moe: Ha Ha!
Justin: lets run over to him and annoy him
Beaverson: Hello who are you
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-I am an alien from the past…no wait the future and I am here to kill you, wait don’t touch that!
Paul: Cool it’s a gun I have one of these it fires foam missles
Alien bounty Hunter#1-No you freak, it doesn’t it will kill me!
Paul: you’re a funny man hehe…
Paul fires the gun twice and the energy beam emitted from the gun destroys the Bounty Hunter
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Arrrgh…ill be back
Rosemary: Where did he go? I wana play with him!
Alex: Werr, anyway I thought he was cool, I think we should all become members of a Starship crew when we are older and fly around space saving the Earth it sounds like fun!
Beaverson: Then we are all agreed, we will now spend the next 20 years trying to fill out our new destiny, I’m sure the Bounty hunter man would have wanted us to.
Many Years Later (3001)
Creature-Well they haven’t returned I guess they failed, lets pay our friends on the Starship Beaverprise a visit, but lets go back time to the day we sent the Bounty Hunters through time, because it turns out we have just wasted a year of our lives waiting for someone to return, or whatever.
One Year Earlier...
Alex: Incomming transmission sir
Captain: Okay
…This is Guado the Great me and my grotesquely ugly comrades are about to board your ship, resistance is futile
Captain: My God, he’s fertile!
Alex: He said futile you fool! Sir they have beamed aboard and our heading along the corridor to us, shall I seal the door?
Captain: No allow them in
Crew: Why?
Justin: We have no option but to agree to their demands.
Guado and friends enter the observation room…
Captain: What is the meaning of this?
Guado: I’m here to tell you that for the last year we have been spying on your ship, your every actions and that a spy aboard your ship has been leaking information to us
Alex: My God no! Who?
R.O.B.E-To Be Continued…
R.O.B.E-Just kidding…
Guado: The spy is your very own captain!
Crew: Gasp!
Michelle: So that’s why you let them in you bastard
John Doe 34 and Jane Doe 6 die of shock
Captain: Yes I am a spy…wait a minute no I’m not!
Crew: Gasp
John Doe 35 and Jane Doe 7 die of shock
Creature: What you aren’t Beaverson the double agent we sent to pose as a captain?
Captain: No you freak he died on some planet last year!
Guado: Then all is lost…well I’m going to go back to my ship now and kill myself.
Captain: Wait, why have you been spying on us?
Guado: Well…
R.O.B.E-Trying to Log You Out Of R.O.B.E... you must go away now and not come back until Justin works out why this all happend.
Captain: What the hell are you talking about R.O.B.E.?
Logging Out Of R.O.B.E…R.O.B.E didn’t want to spoil what could possibly be another whole episode of Starship Beaverprise explaining Guado’s motives, all will be revealed…one day.
Captain: Boring...
Logged Out Of R.O.B.E
Almost Destroyed By: Alex Gilmour
Episode 8-The Past, present and if there’s time…the future.
Logging into R.O.B.E…if you are religious cover your eyes…now
Captains Log star date 8.1: Well after the humorous adventures and revelations of the past few missions everybody has become bored of the mission at hand…whatever the hell that is…oh right to save the Earth, we have resorted to foolish on goings such as pinning Ed to the ceiling of the observation room with forks and then increasing the gravitational pull in the room by +1 every minute to see how long he stayed there…of course after the first minute he fell down onto the floor and broke his left arm…although I’m sure he found it as funny as we did! Well…
Alex: Oh something else your doing on your own! Why cant I help you write it?
Captain: it’s a captains Log…for captains!
Alex: Whatever you bastard
Captain: How’s Ed Alex?
Alex: Who? Oh Ed he will be fine
Captain: Good, now we can begin planning our next mission!
Moe: Do we have to? Cant we just watch saving private Ryan or Die Hard?
Alex: What! Didn’t you watch those last night?
Moe: So?
Paul: Is there any of that chocolate that Ed was covered in left?
Captain: No it melted, some idiot left the control terminal the other day and we veered towards a sun…it got a little hot.
Alex: Dont lie you ate it! So what are we doing today then?
Captain: I was just reading the mission notes for mission 7 it was quite funny!
Alex: Not as funny as the legendary mission 6 though! Some may even say that this will be less funny than the last…
Captain: Well the one thing I do know is it will be funnier than that comedy we watched last night on TV what was it called?
Alex: Life is work I think… it was pretty crap
Paul: I liked it!
Alex: I don’t like you
Moe: I’m still here everyone!!
Jane Doe: You are? I thought you died my love, come here and kiss me John Doe 33
Moe: My name is Jo..Moe! John Doe 33 probably died a horrible bloody death
Jane Doe 5: Noooo! Ahhh no ahhhhhh
(Jane Doe 5 has a heart attack)
Captain: Alex is there anything you can do? Oh wait you suffer from Aichmophobia, get Michelle to do it, oh and I vote Jane Doe5's death the most annoying yet.
Alex: What the hell does achmobobia or whatever that was mean?
Captain: A fear of needles, see I’m not stupid after all.
Alex: Yeah whatever
Captain: Well by now you have all forgotten about our previous missions but nobody cares not even me, this is the only mission that matters for the next 10 minutes or 15-20 if you’re a slow reader…
Alex: Captain your talking to yourself again
Captain: What? I was talking to you, you fool!
Alex: What you said didn’t make sense
Captain: Made sense to me... that’s all that matters
Somewhere else in the vast nether regions of the universe:
Creature: ha ha ha ha little do the earthlings know they are being watched…thanks to our spy aboard the Starship Beaverprise mwahahaha fools! hahaha
2 hours later
Creature: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha cough, cough ha ha cough
Another Creature: Ha ha ha ha ha the time has come to once again try to put an end to their meaningless missions.
Creature: Final preparations are now being put into place for the transporters, we have selected two of our best freaks to be sent back…in time.
Back on the Starship Beaverprise
Captain: For the first time since we arrived in space I feel safe in my surroundings…
Alex: Yeah me two, although sometimes I get the feeling that were being watched…
Michelle: How could that happen?
Alex: I don’t know its just a feeling
Michelle: Nobody is watching you, I mean us…
Paul: That sounds like spy talk Michelle
Michelle: No, no it doesn’t
Paul: Guards lock her up!
Captain: Who the hell are you talking to? And you don’t have that authority!
Moe: I want to kill everyone!
Alex: No you cant, there aren’t enough characters as it is!
Paul: Characters?
Alex: Shut up
R.O.B.E-What the hell is going on? You keep talking but nothing has happened yet and where the hell are B6B and Ed, I mean Moe has said more than them so far!
Captain: Be quiet R.O.B.E B6B and Ed are fine aren’t you?
…………….
B6B: Oh hi, sorry I’m late the traffic on the way to the studio was bad.
Ed: Traffic? Studio? Shut up you fool! We err…we slept in… we were hung over! We got really drunk last night!
Alex: On what? there’s no alcohol on board the ship! And I thought you broke your arm Ed!
R.O.B.E-Oh ill field that one…firstly Rosemary when she first boarded the ship smuggled in large quantities of alcohol…she was a raging alcoholic…and Ed lied and said he broke his arm so he could spend time with Michelle. pretty obvious seens hes a hologram and cant be hurt really!
Captain: Fair enough…but why was B6B with Michelle and Ed
Ed: No reason.
Alex: Hmmm suspicious!
Somewhere Else…Again…
Creature (A Guadilian)-Gather around everybody for this is truly a great day, today we will send back in time two of our most trusted allies to Earth, the very day the Starship Beaverprise is due to be launched into space…they will sabotage the ship and the crew will never make it into space…failing that, they are instructed to kill each member of the crew.
Back Onboard the Starship Beaverprise…
Captain: its strange isn’t it, nothing has really happened yet…like R.O.B.E said earlier, I cant help but think something terrible will happen be it now or in the future…or possibly the past.
Sometime In The Past…Early 2099 (launch Day Of The Starship Beaverprise)
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Okay we have arrived, good
Alien Bounty Hunter#2-Why are we naked?
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Something to do with a terminator joke I think
Alien Bounty Hunter#2-Oh okay! Also I was wondering why we are called alien bounty hunters when we are hunting humans
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-We just are, ok? you ask to many questions, from now on you are not allowed to talk or I will kill you, Okay?
Silence...
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Okay good, now lets make our way to our destination point, we have our fake ids that say were 18…I mean allowed on the ship, so we should be able to board the ship, remember you are Mrs Beaverson and I am Mr Beaverson, Matthew Beaverson’s mum and dad okay.
At The launch Area
B6B: What the hell does Rosemary have in all those crates?
Paul: Monkeys probably, or some type of livestock.
Alex: Hello! I’m Alex
B6B: Hello Alex I’m B6B and this is Paul
Alex: Who’s that stupid looking woman?
Paul: Rosemary!
Alex: No not that one, the other one the really ugly woman
B6B: Oh that is Matthew Beaverson, he is a man apparently
Rosemary: Hello everyone, oh wow what’s that? Is it a real live robot?
Alex: You freak, robots have been common place for 100’s of years, where the hell have you been? And it’s the robot R.O.B.E. will interface with should we need him to leave the ship and visit hostile planets...you know if we get scared!
Rosemary: I don’t get out much
Alex: Who’s that?
B6B: That’s Moe, he was just ordered to join us, he wasn’t initially going to be a crew member but it was decided it wouldn’t be fun without him!
Paul: Its good to be back on Earth again, don’t you agree?
Alex: We haven’t left yet you idiot!
John Doe: Hi everyone
Alex: Where did you come from, I didn’t see you standing there!
John Doe: No I don’t expect you did, nobody ever notices me…well at least I’ve got a second chance to live in this episode to prove myself
The crew members begin boarding the ship…after a few minutes Justin and Michelle join them they appear to be out of breath…panting like dogs
Paul: I don’t need to ask what you two have just been doing!
Justin: Running, so we didn’t miss the take off…we were a little late
Paul: Yes…running that’s what me and everyone else (wink, wink nod, nod) were thinking
Alex: Shut up!
Paul: I wasn’t talking to you!
Alex: So
Around the launch area perimeter…
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Okay lets try and get in…
Guard: Identify yourself
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Hi I am an Alien B….I am Mr Beaverson and this is Mrs Beaverson my wife
Guard: Are you who you say you are (talking to Alien Bounty Hunter#2)
Silence…
Guard: Well?
Silence…
Guard: Mr Beaverson you are cleared to enter the perimeter, I’m sorry Mrs Beaverson I am going to have to ask you to stay here for a moment.
Guard: You’re a little butch to be a woman aren’t you?
Silence...
Guard: Why the hell wont you say anything? Okay if you remain silent I am going to have to arrest you.
Silence...
Guard: Right that’s it you freak, your going to jail
On Board the Starship Beaverprise...
Matthew Beaverson: From now on I shall be known as the captain…ok!
Rosemary: I love a man with power
Captain: I love women who love men in power
Rosemary: What?
Captain: Never mind. We must acquaint ourselves with the ships controls, I also have a floppy disk here with R.O.B.E on, our soon to be onboard computer!
Alex: A floppy disk? Does he really take up that much memory!
Captain: Don’t worry he only takes up 30% of the disk
The crew walk into the observation room, at this time the Bounty Hunter has just boarded the ship in hope of sabotaging the take off.
Moe: So this is the observation room, its okay I guess although it smells rather odd
Captain: Oh sorry that’s me, I haven’t taken my medication
Alex: This is boring, B6B don’t you agree?
B6B: A little!
Paul: Does anyone get the feeling this has happened before?
Michelle: It has…I mean, no you fool be quiet
Captain: So this is the observation window, these are the flight controls and this is the weapons control panel…and here is where you have to insert the ignition key…marvellous!
Alex: Anyway…
Elsewhere on the ship...
Alien Bounty Hunter#1 is walking along one of the ships corridors as he walks into Rosemary…
Rosemary: Hello, you must be Matthews mum, you must be so proud
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Actually I’m his dad, and yes I am proud, sorry but I am in a hurry I will speak with you some other time.
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Thank god nobody has realised I’m still naked
Rosemary walks back into the observation room…
Rosemary: Captain I just met your farther he is a nice man
Captain: What? My dad died 7 years ago on a suicide mission for the Navy
Captain to ground control…Houston there is a problem
Alex: You fool the line is Houston we have a problem
Houston-This is Houston what appears to be the problem?
Captain: There is an unknown life form aboard the shipwho is a possible threat, he's posing as my dad
Houston-Oh that’s just R.O.B.E.
Captain: No, this is something else, something far more evil
Houston-More evil than R.O.B.E…my god, Roger that I’m sending in some men to search the ship
One of the men sent onto the ship walks into the room the Alien bounty Hunter was hiding in…
Guard: My god your naked! Put on some clothes!
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Gasp how can you tell nobody else could, or maybe whoever wrote this doesn’t know what he’s doing.
Guard: Who the hell are you?
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-I am your worst nightmare and I am going to destroy you
Guard: My worst nightmare? But your not Mrs Chaplin naked and you haven’t asked me to rub sun tan on you yet!
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-What? Mwahaha die you freak
The Bounty Hunter shoots the guard in the head and blood flies everywhere.
Elsewhere On The Ship…
John Doe: What does this do?
Captain: Don’t press that it will kill you
John Doe: I see…the edges of this control panel our sharp, I almost cut my wrist on them
Captain: My god, John listen to me carefully stay exactly where you are, you cannot die yet
John Doe: Yet?
As they are talking a light which is fixed to the top of the ships observation room falls off it starts crashing down over John Doe’s head but before it hits him…
Captain: Noooo!
The captain dives in front of John Doe and knocks him out of the way and somehow manages to not harm himself.
Captain: That was close but let that be a lesson to everyone, John Doe isn’t a cat…he doesn’t have nine lives.
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Mwahaha now to destroy the ships control terminal, I will just pull out a few of these wires…
As the bounty Hunter pulls them out (thinking they were linked to the ships control panel and not the electrically powered generator gizmo) pulled them out and in doing so sent around 55 million volts of electricity through his body…but as his body shook with electricity his body disappeared.
Justin: Can anyone smell hotdogs?
Captain: Stop talking, its my turn this week
Justin: What?
Captain: Anyway its time for us to count down our ships take off! Alex are you ready?
Alex: Hang on i'm just arranging some flowers
Captain: You idiot Gilmour...I mean Alex get yourself ready now!
Houston-Countdown in T minus 10 seconds
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
20 odd years Earlier-In A Park Somewhere On Earth
Michelle, Justin, Beaverson, Rosemary, Moe, Alex, B6B, Paul, John Doe and Ed…wait Ed isn’t in it yet, anyway they were happily playing with each other ( yes they just happen to all know each other at a very young age)…
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Ha foolish Earthlings thinking mere electricity could deter me, I have had to come back in time to when the crew were merely children to kill everyone of them.
Alex: Hey look there’s a weird looking man
Moe: Ha Ha!
Justin: lets run over to him and annoy him
Beaverson: Hello who are you
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-I am an alien from the past…no wait the future and I am here to kill you, wait don’t touch that!
Paul: Cool it’s a gun I have one of these it fires foam missles
Alien bounty Hunter#1-No you freak, it doesn’t it will kill me!
Paul: you’re a funny man hehe…
Paul fires the gun twice and the energy beam emitted from the gun destroys the Bounty Hunter
Alien Bounty Hunter#1-Arrrgh…ill be back
Rosemary: Where did he go? I wana play with him!
Alex: Werr, anyway I thought he was cool, I think we should all become members of a Starship crew when we are older and fly around space saving the Earth it sounds like fun!
Beaverson: Then we are all agreed, we will now spend the next 20 years trying to fill out our new destiny, I’m sure the Bounty hunter man would have wanted us to.
Many Years Later (3001)
Creature-Well they haven’t returned I guess they failed, lets pay our friends on the Starship Beaverprise a visit, but lets go back time to the day we sent the Bounty Hunters through time, because it turns out we have just wasted a year of our lives waiting for someone to return, or whatever.
One Year Earlier...
Alex: Incomming transmission sir
Captain: Okay
…This is Guado the Great me and my grotesquely ugly comrades are about to board your ship, resistance is futile
Captain: My God, he’s fertile!
Alex: He said futile you fool! Sir they have beamed aboard and our heading along the corridor to us, shall I seal the door?
Captain: No allow them in
Crew: Why?
Justin: We have no option but to agree to their demands.
Guado and friends enter the observation room…
Captain: What is the meaning of this?
Guado: I’m here to tell you that for the last year we have been spying on your ship, your every actions and that a spy aboard your ship has been leaking information to us
Alex: My God no! Who?
R.O.B.E-To Be Continued…
R.O.B.E-Just kidding…
Guado: The spy is your very own captain!
Crew: Gasp!
Michelle: So that’s why you let them in you bastard
John Doe 34 and Jane Doe 6 die of shock
Captain: Yes I am a spy…wait a minute no I’m not!
Crew: Gasp
John Doe 35 and Jane Doe 7 die of shock
Creature: What you aren’t Beaverson the double agent we sent to pose as a captain?
Captain: No you freak he died on some planet last year!
Guado: Then all is lost…well I’m going to go back to my ship now and kill myself.
Captain: Wait, why have you been spying on us?
Guado: Well…
R.O.B.E-Trying to Log You Out Of R.O.B.E... you must go away now and not come back until Justin works out why this all happend.
Captain: What the hell are you talking about R.O.B.E.?
Logging Out Of R.O.B.E…R.O.B.E didn’t want to spoil what could possibly be another whole episode of Starship Beaverprise explaining Guado’s motives, all will be revealed…one day.
Captain: Boring...
Logged Out Of R.O.B.E
