Episode11-Tale Of Two Halves
Written And Devised By: Justin Shough
Logging Into R.O.B.E…Please Leave A Message After The Tone…
Tale One (in the perspective of the ships Captain)
Captains Log Star Date 11.1:Well originally none of this was supposed to happen, and I’m sure it shouldn’t have happened in this order…but that’s show business baby. The last few days have been difficult, we have been travelling for the Alpha and Beta Nebulas of the Gamma Galaxy. Isn’t it strange how in sci-fi TV shows give nebulas and Galaxies and even planets are given completely stupid names! Who in there right mind would call a planet Pluto or Neptune, and what the hell is the Milky Way? I wonder these things as the crew are hard at work…wait a second, hard at work?
Captain Enters Observation Room…
Captain: Hard at work are we?
Alex: Of course! Everything you requested has been done
Captain: I didn’t request anything!
Alex: Well at least the ships oxygen pumps are working at 10%, which is 9% better than when we left Earth for space!
Captain: Oh Yeah, ha! Wait, that isn’t funny is it?
Paul: At least we can breathe!
Moe: So what’s on the agenda today?
Captain: Wait what does Paul keep saying I cant hear him over the noise the engine fans are making
Alex: It wasn’t anything important!
Paul: Muffled noise…
Alex: Like in the matrix where they see that cat and its an error in the system?
Captain: What? I think you have just destroyed another joke that I was going to use in a future episode, fools!
Alex: Well there you go!
Moe: So what is on the agenda, I asked you before but you didn’t answer!
Captain: Sorry this is just confusing, you have to understand! Well I suggest we get some rest for now, we are headed for the planet of Shoobiedoo where we are to make the acquaintance of some alien freaks we have to kill or help…or something! I am going to my room to sleep, I suggest you all do the same!
Captain Leaves Room…
Moments Later (In captains room)
Captain: Well I guess Michelle wont be joining me for a night of passion, I may as well sleep now, or is that too boring? I’m talking to myself again…
Captains Log Star Date 11.2: Well I expect everyone has gone to bed now, just as well because we must be fully prepared for tomorrows events…whatever they end up being. R.O.B.E. under his robot guise successfully unclogged the Oxygen pumps from all the dust which had been sucked in from the freak asteroid shower two days ago. We all thought we were going to die because nobody had the guts to repair them, not even B6B who’s supposed to be the engineer. With about 5 minutes to live we remembered R.O.B.E. could do it and forced him onto the ships outer hull to clean out the pumps and fix any damage. He fixed them in just over 6 minutes…I think that means we didn’t suffer brain damage, but I cant be sure. My plans for R.O.B.E in the next few days are to clean the rest of the ship from dust, three letters of our legendary Beaverprise name badge and our logo have been covered up. Of course none of what I’m saying is important, but it could some how effect the course of the mission, so if you are skim-reading these like B6B and Alex do, take your time you fools, my Logs are important despite what you or anyone else thinks!
The Next Day…
Captain Enters Observation Room…
Captain (talking over intercom): All members of the Starship Beaverprise please report to the observation room, this is not a drill…repeat this is not a drill.
Alex Enters Observation Room…
Captain: Ah good at least someone has bothered to turn up!
Alex: What the hell do you want?
Captain: I am going to brief you on today’s events, now go wake up the rest of the crew and bring them here.
Alex: Yes whatever…I mean yes sir!
10 Minutes Later… ( amount Of Minutes Later Not Relevant)
Captain: Good everyone that matters is here…thank you Alex!
Moe: What? Bastards!
Captain: Anyway I have called you here to give you your roles for the next 24 hours, we are to separate and form two groups. One of which will transport down to the planet Shoobiedoo and the other will remain aboard the ship, in case something should go wrong. I will be staying aboard the ship for reasons beyond my control, Alex will head the team of people that will be sent down, his and the teams job will be to find the Kong HQ from there you are to arrange to meet with the leader of the Kong’s, you are to persuade him to sign a contract of peace with Earth. It is most important because for the past 10 years the Kong’s have been the leading authority on import/export of fuel and other resources to Earth. They recently cut off there supply to Earth when the Galactic war began. When you manage to achieve you are to contact us and we will transport you back onto the ship which will be orbiting the planet Shoobiedoo’s surface, this is because we have reason to believe the planet has a formidable defence which consists of ground missile launchers and Probe ships which search and destroy nearby unknown ships.
Alex: Who will be on the team with me?
Captain: Alex your team will consist of;
You
R.O.B.E.
Ed
Paul
John Doe 38
And my team will consist of;
Myself
Moe
B6B
Michelle
Jane Doe 9
Captain: Moe when will we arrive at our destination?
Moe: In exactly 1 hour sir.
Captain: Good, Alex go to your lab and brief your team and what to expect when you arrive on the planets surface. I have written this detailed journal on what to expect, it includes resources from other sources such as…
Alex: Yeah whatever, I will show it to them!
Captain: Okay I will see you later.
Alex: By the way, why is it you are staying on the ship? Isn’t the captain supposed to go down to the planet and do all the work?
Captain: No, no! no must be err mistaken, anyway it is of great importance…well that guy sitting in that chair that says director on it seems to think so anyway!
Alex Leaves Room And Goes To Lab…
30 minutes later…
Captains Log Star Date 11.3: Alex has now gone to brief his team which will be sent down to the planet Shoobiedoo in 30 minutes time. I am hoping the mission will be a complete success, I cannot afford any more loss of life, the extent of death has reached an all time high in recent months.
30 Minutes Later…
In the Transport Room…
Okay everybody, Alex are you and your team ready?
Alex: Ready as we will ever be! Which ironically isn't ready at all!
Captain: Good! Now you will transport down to the planet and this episode will become less complicated to write!
Alex: Great!
Moe: Transporters Powered up, everyone ready?
Crew: Err yeah…
The transporters switch on…they don’t work so we try them again, they work! Alex, Ed, Paul, John Doe 38 and R.O.B.E. transport down…
Aboard Ship…
Captain: Well our fait is in the hands of Alex, Ed, Paul and John Doe
Moe: And R.O.B.E
Captain: Oh God we sent R.O.B.E! what have we done?
Michele: Ed is with them I’m sure they will be fine
Captain: I hope so! Well at least we have a chance to relax for now.
Jane Doe 9: I wonder what John Doe and the others are up to…
Captain: Strange, it didn’t happen!
Moe: What didn’t?
Captain: Normally when someone says something like Jane Doe 9 did the plot would change to that of those on the planet and we would learn what was happening to the others.
B6B: Perhaps there is an error in the programing!
Captain: Well at least this gives Moe and B6B and even Jane Doe are a chance to say something of relevance!
B6B: Sir there is something on the radar
Captain: Yes B6B something like that!
B6B: No captain there actually is something on the radar
Captain: Oh that’s just a piece of chewing gum Moe left there…
B6B: Err no its something else, I think it’s a probe ship sir!
Captain: My God…It appears we are doomed, abandon ship!
Moe: No I say we fight them! Fire the proton beam at them!
Captain: Shut up! You cannot order R.O.B.E. around, only I get to do that! Oh wait R.O.B.E. isn’t here. If we were to fire anything it would have to be done manually.
B6B: But that means…
Captain: Yes, only Paul can do that! I never thought id say this but we actually need Paul for something of relevance, B6B put me on the intercom try to contact Alex we need Paul here now…
Captain-It’s the captain here, we have been spotted by a probe ship, we need Paul onboard to manually use the weapon system because R.O.B.E. is with you…
Intercom: What? He’s my team member get your own! Although I have to say this is the first mission where the plot has been more complicated than the jokes! Okay I will get Paul ready to be transported back up to you sir.
Captain-Thank you
Moe: Sir I am going to try and circle the ship around and try and loose the probe ship.
Captain: Good work, B6B ready the transporters for Paul!
B6B: Yes sir! They are ready!
Paul Transports Aboard Ship…
Paul: Hi I’m back
Captain: Good, ready the proton Gun, prepare for combat!
Moe: I think we lost the probe ship sir!
Paul: What? So you don’t need me after all?
Captain: It will be safer if you stay here for now Paul, we must await to hear from Alex when he reaches HQ.
37 Minutes Later…
Moe: Incoming transmission sir…
Captain: Go ahead…
B6B: Something is wrong, the signal has been blocked out
Moe: Sir it’s the probe ship!
Captain: Paul is the proton gun ready?
Paul: Yes sir!
Captain: Okay then lets send these mothers to a watery grave!
B6B: Watery?
Captain: Well err spacey grave then! I dunno! Lets fry those bastards!
Paul: Roger that sir!
Paul: Firing up them now sir!
B6B: Direct hit!
Captain: Woo hoo! I mean…good!
Moe: I think the probe ship is preparing to counter attack sir!
Captain: Those hostile fiends! Well I am not in the mood for a full scale war, prepare to go to Warp6 we need to try and loose them before they return fire!
Moe: Yes sir!
B6B: I’ve just heard this episode has got too long and has to end soon sir
Captain: What’s that B6B?
B6B: Oh nothing
Moe: We have lost the probe ship sir, they don’t appear to be following us.
Captain: Good work Moe, you deserve a medal for your bravery…shame you will never get one!
The next hour was spent trying to contact Alex after several hundred attempts they succeeded…
Captain: Hello Alex, Ed can you hear me?
Intercom- Alex-Yes we can hear you sir, well John Doe 38 cant, unless the 172 pieces of flesh and bone we found of his have joined back together terminator style…
Captain: Have you succeeded in your mission?
Intercom-Yes sir we have successfully completed all objectives.
Captain: The transporters are readied and you can now return when you are ready.
Intercom- Yes sir!
Alex, Ed, and R.O.B.E are okay, John Doe 38 sadly died a horrible bloody death. They return safely to the ship…
Captain: Thank God your back!
Alex: Ahhh have you been worrying about us?
Moe: Well no, not really
Ed: Oh…
B6B: Ha!
Alex: So what the hell have you lot been doing while we were off saving the day?
Captain: Oh nothing really…
Ed: What? Why did you need Paul?
Captain: Oh it was just a precaution
Alex: So you have been loafing around again, it wouldn’t make much of a story would it!
Captain: I guess your “courageous” efforts would make a great story then!
R.O.B.E.-Oh be quiet they both would make great stories, anyway I need to get out of this robotic suit its rather demeaning!
Captain: I suggest we all take this time to rest before we set out on our next mission, we did well today…both sets of teams performed well under the precarious surroundings we found ourselves in.
Captains Log Star Date 11.4:Well today was much like every other day, except today wasn’t as funny as it usually is! Maybe things have taken a turn for the worse? Maybe I should shut up…
Logging out Of R.O.B.E…Failed To Disconnect From Server…Doh
Tale Two (in the perspective of Alex, the ships doctor)
Alex: What the hell has the captain been up to for the past 15 minutes?
B6B: Writing one of his precious posts I imagine
Paul: Yeah, what an idiot!
Alex: Shut up you freak!
Michelle: The captain spends more time writing his logs than he does doing anything else!
R.O.B.E-He needs a lesson in time efficiency
Moe: Well at least when he writes his stupid Logs we get a chance to relax
Alex: Yeah he thinks were hard at work right now, ha!
Captain Enters Observation Room…
Captain: Hard at work are we?
Alex: Of course! Everything you requested has been done
Captain: I didn’t request anything!
Paul: Exactly!
Alex: Well at least the ships oxygen pumps are working at 10%, which is 9% better than we left Earth for space!
Captain: Oh Yeah, ha! Wait, that isn’t funny is it?
Paul: At least we can breathe!
Moe: So what’s on the agenda today?
Captain: Wait what does Paul keep saying I cant hear him over the noise the engine fans are making
Alex: It wasn’t anything important!
Paul: Does this seem weird to people, has this happened before?
Alex: Like in the matrix where they see that cat and its an error in the system?
Captain: You fool you have destroyed another joke that I was going to use in a future episode, noo!
Alex: Well there you go!
Moe: So what is on the agenda, I asked you before but you didn’t answer!
Captain: Sorry this is just confusing, you have to understand! Well I sugest we get some rest for now, we are headed for the planet of Shoobiedoo where we are to make the acquaintance of some alien freaks we have to kill, or something! I am going to my room to sleep, I suggest you all do the same!
Captain Leaves Room…
Alex: Well I guess we should get some rest…or we could stay up all night again gambling!
Ed Enters Room…
Ed: Did someone mention alcohol?
Paul: No gambling
Ed: Even better!
Alex: Ed you fool where have you been you missed the introduction of what may turn out to be the best episode yet!
Ed: Best episode?
Alex: Yeah they have just shown the last episode of Friends on E5 you fool you missed it!
Ed: Well ill always have the gambling…
Moe: Didn’t you loose all your money to me last time we played?
Ed: Err…maybe! Well…I could always let you have Michelle for one night.
Alex: How much is she worth?
Ed: How much you got?
Michelle: Don’t talk about me like I’m a possession that can be owned!
Alex: Clever joke!
Michelle: What? Be quiet…I’m going to get some rest now, goodnight.
Alex: Hey Moe didn’t you hate it on Friends though, when they introduced that new character just to spice things up for higher ratings.
Moe: Yeah I did! By the way where is Andrew?
Ed: Andrew?
Moe: Yeah the new crew member, he was sent as a replacement for Beaverson by the World Beaver Federation the other day, he designed most of the components used on this ship and therefore has at least some sort of a reason to be here!
Ed: Oh right…so where is he then, I haven’t seen him yet
Paul: He’s in bed
Alex: What? He’s been asleep for three days! Anyway how did you know he was in bed?
Paul: Err um so I’m going to bed now seen as the entertainment has gone, and I have got my self into a rather awkward situation. By the way if you didn’t get that possession joke it was funny because Ed is a hologram and is classified under the Possession act of 2032 as a…well a possession.
Alex: What? Anyway why the hell do we have to go to sleep now?
Paul: I dunno! I’m just reading what it says on the queue card
The Next Day…
Alex is in his lab…
Moe: Hi!
Alex: What the hell do you want?
Moe: Have you got any more of those steroids?
Alex: What? Steroids?
Moe: Err don’t worry! Ill ask Michelle…
Alex: What? You freak!
Intercom: All members of the Starship Beaverprise please report to the observation room, this is not a drill…repeat this is not a drill.
Alex: What? What does he want now the fool…
Alex Leaves Lab For The Observation Room…
Captain: Ah good at least someone has bothered to turn up!
Alex: What do you want?
Captain: I am going to brief you on today’s events, now go wake up the rest of the crew and bring them here.
Alex: Yes sir!
Alex Walks into Moe’s room…
Alex: The captain wants you to go to the observation room, but first wake up everyone else and tell them to go as well!
Moe: What? Cant you do it?
Alex: He told me to tell you too!
Moe: Bastard!
10 Minutes Later…
Captain: Good everyone is here, thank you Alex
Moe: What? Bastard!
Captain: Anyway I have called you here to give you your roles for the next 24 hours, we are to separate and form two groups. One of which will transport down to the planet Shoobiedoo and the other will remain aboard the ship, in case something should go wrong. I will be staying aboard the ship for reasons beyond my control, Alex will head the team of people that will be sent down, his and the teams job will be to find the Kong HQ from there you are to arrange to meet with the leader of the Kong’s, you are to persuade him to sign a contract of peace with Earth. It is most important because for the past 10 years the Kong’s have been the leading authority on import/export of fuel and other resources to Earth. They recently cut off there supply to Earth when the Galactic war began. When you manage to achieve you are to contact us and we will transport you back onto the ship which will be orbiting the planet Shoobiedoo’s surface, this is because we have reason to believe the planet has a formidable defence which consists of ground missile launchers and Probe ships which search and destroy nearby unknown ships.
Alex: Who will be on the team with me?
Captain: Alex your team will consist of;
You
R.O.B.E.
Ed
Paul
John Doe 38
And my team will consist of;
Myself
Moe
B6B
Michelle
Jane Doe 9
Captain: Moe when will we arrive at our destination?
Moe: In exactly 1 hour sir.
Captain: Good, Alex go to your lab and brief your team and what to expect when you arrive on the planets surface. I have written this detailed journal on what to expect, it includes resources from other sources such as…
Alex: Yeah whatever, I mean yes ill show them the stupid thing whatever it is…
Captain: Okay I will see you later.
Alex: By the way, why is it you are staying on the ship? Isn’t the captain supposed to go down to the planet and do all the work?
Captain: No, no! no you must be err mistaken, anyway it is of great importance…well that guy sitting in that chair that says director on it seems to think so anyway!
Alex Leaves Room And Goes To Lab…
Alex: Okay listen up guys, were gonna go to that planet that the captain said about, talk to a few people, force them to sign something then get the hell out of here!
Here is a journal the captain wrote for some reason or other, I recommend you use it for kindling or toilet paper, that’s what I did! Anyway we are to transport down in around 45 minutes time. Okay?
Ed/Paul/R.O.B.E./John Doe 38: Yes!
Alex: R.O.B.E. you are to be sent down on the planet with us in robot form!
R.O.B.E.-Arse
Alex: Then we are all set then!
45 Minutes Later…
In the Transport Room…
Okay everybody, Alex are you and your team ready?
Alex: Ready as we will ever be! Which ironically isn't ready at all!
Captain: Good! Now you will transport down to the planet and this episode will become less complicated to write!
Alex: Great!
Moe: Transporters Powered up, everyone ready?
Crew: Err yeah…
The transporters switch on…they don’t work so we try them again, they work! Alex, Ed, Paul, John Doe 38 and R.O.B.E. transport down…
On The Planet Shoobiedoo…
Alex: So what are we doing?
Paul: I thought you knew!
Ed: We have got to go to the Kong HQ, don’t worry I read the captains journal and I have photographic memory!
R.O.B.E-Lucky for some!
Ed: What? So do you R.O.B.E. you’re a machine!
R.O.B.E.-Yeah but the fools only give me 1Mb of memory, they say its for my own good, bastards!
Alex: Which way is the Kong HQ then?
Ed: Due North from here
Alex: Wow your so clever
Ed: Not really I was just reading that sign post!
Alex And His Team Head For The Kong HQ…
Paul: So how far is this place then?
Alex: Who knows!
Ed: It should only be 1 mile from here
Paul: What! I cant be bothered to walk that far!
15 Minutes Of Walking Later…
Alex: Incoming transmission, it’s the captain! I will put him on loudspeaker!
Intercom-It’s the captain here, we have been spotted by a probe ship, we need Paul onboard to manually use the weapon system because R.O.B.E. is with you…
Alex: What? He’s my team member get your own! Although I have to say this is the first mission where the plot has been more complicated than the jokes! Okay I will get Paul ready to be transported back up to you sir.
Intercom-Thank you
Alex: Okay I am hearing that the transporters are ready for you Paul, You are needed more aboard the ship, me and my team will be in contact with the captain and you when we reach the HQ hopefully.
Paul: Okay!
Paul Transports Back To The Starship Beaverprise…
Alex And His Team Continues On To Kong HQ…
After another half an hour of travelling they reach their destination…
Alex: Okay Ed contact the Starship and Tell Them we have arrived!
Ed: Okay right away sir…
Ed Tries To Contact the Starship But There Is No Reply…
Ed: I cant get through to them Alex!
Alex: My God something must have happened, well we have our priorities here, let us go into the HQ and meet their Leader Donkey.
John Doe 38: The leader of the Kong’s is called Donkey? How ironic
Alex: Indeed! You do realise though John Doe 38 by talking you have awoken an age old voodoo curse which means you will die within the next 24 hours…
John Doe 38: I don’t believe in fait, I will take my chances!
Alex: Fool!
Alex, Ed, John Doe 38 and R.O.B.E Enter the HQ With Caution…
Alex: Hello, we come in peace
Donkey: That’s what the Enterprise crew said, those bastards! I’m sorry... greetings my friends
Alex: Friends?
Donkey: Yes, of course!
Alex: Phew, we thought you hated us and were going to attempt to kill us or something!
Donkey: Of course not, we have a personal vendetta with the Enterprise crew, but seen as they have long passed away our hatred with Earth has ended.
Ed: This is good! You have our deepest sympathy and we apologise for the actions of the Enterprise crew, we are here to put right their wrongs!
Alex: Yes exactly! We have this contract for you to sign, it is about the exportation of fuel to Earth.
Donkey: Of course, but we only sign contacts aboard our ship, this HQ is just for meeting people, with your regards we will transport you and ourselves to our ship now
Alex: Go ahead!
On board The Kongs Ship…
Diddy: Father there is an unidentified ship closing in on us, what shall we do?
Donkey: Proceed with caution, we don’t want to cause them any problems as I am sure they don’t like wise…
Diddy: Father they are preparing to fire on us!
Donkey: My God what are they trying to achieve? What ship is it?
Diddy: I cant make it out sir.
Donkey: Alex or Ed can you see the name of ship firing on us, we may have superior brains to you humans but our eye site is poor in comparison.
Alex: I cant quite see either!
Ed: I think it says arship eaverprise!
Donkey: My God the arship eaverprise are firing on us!
Diddy: Who are the arship eaverprise?
Donkey: Well I don’t know! Prepare to counter attack!
Diddy: Yes father! Ready to fire!
Donkey: Wait, maybe we should let them go, they appear to be backing down
Alex: Freaks!
Ed: Why don’t you fire back?
Donkey: We are a peaceful life form, we would rather die than harm others it is the way we are.
Alex: That’s kinda stupid!
Donkey: Oh Shut up!
Diddy: Damage report has come back sir, the ship’s interior is okay but the outer bridge and hull has taken series damage, also somebody called John Doe 38 died from the blast!
Donkey: The arship eaverprise has retreated!
Alex: Thank God! I thought we were all doomed, I wonder where the captain has got to?
Donkey: Well now the unpleasantness is over we will sign your contract my Earth friends, as long as you will sign this, it states nobody from Earth can ever return to our planet, as long as you keep to this contract we will abide by yours and provide Earth will your precious fuel.
Alex: Very well!
Ed: Are you sure you have the authority to do that Alex?
Alex: Sure I do!
Moments later Donkey signed the contract and so did Alex the next hour was spent by helping the Kong’s repair their ship and clean up the mess John Doe 38 made…
Intercom- Hello Alex, Ed and John Doe 38 can you hear me?
Alex-Yes we can hear you sir, well John Doe 38 cant, unless the 172 pieces of flesh and bone we found of his have joined back together terminator style…
Intercom: Have you succeeded in your mission?
Alex: Yes sir we have successfully completed all objectives.
Intercom- The transporters are readied and you can now return when you are ready.
Alex: Yes sir!
Alex, Ed, and R.O.B.E Return Safely To The Ship…
Captain: Thank God your back!
Alex: Ahhh have you been worrying about us?
Moe: Well no, not really
Ed: Oh…
B6B: Ha!
Alex: So what the hell have you lot been doing while we were off saving the day?
Captain: Oh nothing really…
Ed: What? Why did you need Paul?
Captain: Oh it was just a precaution
Alex: So you have been loafing around again, it wouldn’t make much of a story would it!
Captain: I guess your “courageous” efforts would make a great story then!
R.O.B.E.-Oh be quiet they both would make great stories, anyway I need to get out of this robotic suit its rather demeaning!
Captain: I suggest we all take this time to rest before we set out on our next mission, we did well today…both sets of teams performed well under the precarious surroundings we found ourselves in.
Alex: I think whoever wrote this has just run out of ideas because I don’t know what to say…
Ed: But you just said something!
Alex: Err yeah!
R.O.B.E. Apologises In Advance If The Mission Data Above Contains any Errors, It Was Complicated To Compile...
Disconnected From Server.
Disconected From Server.
Written And Devised By: Justin Shough
Logging Into R.O.B.E…Please Leave A Message After The Tone…
Tale One (in the perspective of the ships Captain)
Captains Log Star Date 11.1:Well originally none of this was supposed to happen, and I’m sure it shouldn’t have happened in this order…but that’s show business baby. The last few days have been difficult, we have been travelling for the Alpha and Beta Nebulas of the Gamma Galaxy. Isn’t it strange how in sci-fi TV shows give nebulas and Galaxies and even planets are given completely stupid names! Who in there right mind would call a planet Pluto or Neptune, and what the hell is the Milky Way? I wonder these things as the crew are hard at work…wait a second, hard at work?
Captain Enters Observation Room…
Captain: Hard at work are we?
Alex: Of course! Everything you requested has been done
Captain: I didn’t request anything!
Alex: Well at least the ships oxygen pumps are working at 10%, which is 9% better than when we left Earth for space!
Captain: Oh Yeah, ha! Wait, that isn’t funny is it?
Paul: At least we can breathe!
Moe: So what’s on the agenda today?
Captain: Wait what does Paul keep saying I cant hear him over the noise the engine fans are making
Alex: It wasn’t anything important!
Paul: Muffled noise…
Alex: Like in the matrix where they see that cat and its an error in the system?
Captain: What? I think you have just destroyed another joke that I was going to use in a future episode, fools!
Alex: Well there you go!
Moe: So what is on the agenda, I asked you before but you didn’t answer!
Captain: Sorry this is just confusing, you have to understand! Well I suggest we get some rest for now, we are headed for the planet of Shoobiedoo where we are to make the acquaintance of some alien freaks we have to kill or help…or something! I am going to my room to sleep, I suggest you all do the same!
Captain Leaves Room…
Moments Later (In captains room)
Captain: Well I guess Michelle wont be joining me for a night of passion, I may as well sleep now, or is that too boring? I’m talking to myself again…
Captains Log Star Date 11.2: Well I expect everyone has gone to bed now, just as well because we must be fully prepared for tomorrows events…whatever they end up being. R.O.B.E. under his robot guise successfully unclogged the Oxygen pumps from all the dust which had been sucked in from the freak asteroid shower two days ago. We all thought we were going to die because nobody had the guts to repair them, not even B6B who’s supposed to be the engineer. With about 5 minutes to live we remembered R.O.B.E. could do it and forced him onto the ships outer hull to clean out the pumps and fix any damage. He fixed them in just over 6 minutes…I think that means we didn’t suffer brain damage, but I cant be sure. My plans for R.O.B.E in the next few days are to clean the rest of the ship from dust, three letters of our legendary Beaverprise name badge and our logo have been covered up. Of course none of what I’m saying is important, but it could some how effect the course of the mission, so if you are skim-reading these like B6B and Alex do, take your time you fools, my Logs are important despite what you or anyone else thinks!
The Next Day…
Captain Enters Observation Room…
Captain (talking over intercom): All members of the Starship Beaverprise please report to the observation room, this is not a drill…repeat this is not a drill.
Alex Enters Observation Room…
Captain: Ah good at least someone has bothered to turn up!
Alex: What the hell do you want?
Captain: I am going to brief you on today’s events, now go wake up the rest of the crew and bring them here.
Alex: Yes whatever…I mean yes sir!
10 Minutes Later… ( amount Of Minutes Later Not Relevant)
Captain: Good everyone that matters is here…thank you Alex!
Moe: What? Bastards!
Captain: Anyway I have called you here to give you your roles for the next 24 hours, we are to separate and form two groups. One of which will transport down to the planet Shoobiedoo and the other will remain aboard the ship, in case something should go wrong. I will be staying aboard the ship for reasons beyond my control, Alex will head the team of people that will be sent down, his and the teams job will be to find the Kong HQ from there you are to arrange to meet with the leader of the Kong’s, you are to persuade him to sign a contract of peace with Earth. It is most important because for the past 10 years the Kong’s have been the leading authority on import/export of fuel and other resources to Earth. They recently cut off there supply to Earth when the Galactic war began. When you manage to achieve you are to contact us and we will transport you back onto the ship which will be orbiting the planet Shoobiedoo’s surface, this is because we have reason to believe the planet has a formidable defence which consists of ground missile launchers and Probe ships which search and destroy nearby unknown ships.
Alex: Who will be on the team with me?
Captain: Alex your team will consist of;
You
R.O.B.E.
Ed
Paul
John Doe 38
And my team will consist of;
Myself
Moe
B6B
Michelle
Jane Doe 9
Captain: Moe when will we arrive at our destination?
Moe: In exactly 1 hour sir.
Captain: Good, Alex go to your lab and brief your team and what to expect when you arrive on the planets surface. I have written this detailed journal on what to expect, it includes resources from other sources such as…
Alex: Yeah whatever, I will show it to them!
Captain: Okay I will see you later.
Alex: By the way, why is it you are staying on the ship? Isn’t the captain supposed to go down to the planet and do all the work?
Captain: No, no! no must be err mistaken, anyway it is of great importance…well that guy sitting in that chair that says director on it seems to think so anyway!
Alex Leaves Room And Goes To Lab…
30 minutes later…
Captains Log Star Date 11.3: Alex has now gone to brief his team which will be sent down to the planet Shoobiedoo in 30 minutes time. I am hoping the mission will be a complete success, I cannot afford any more loss of life, the extent of death has reached an all time high in recent months.
30 Minutes Later…
In the Transport Room…
Okay everybody, Alex are you and your team ready?
Alex: Ready as we will ever be! Which ironically isn't ready at all!
Captain: Good! Now you will transport down to the planet and this episode will become less complicated to write!
Alex: Great!
Moe: Transporters Powered up, everyone ready?
Crew: Err yeah…
The transporters switch on…they don’t work so we try them again, they work! Alex, Ed, Paul, John Doe 38 and R.O.B.E. transport down…
Aboard Ship…
Captain: Well our fait is in the hands of Alex, Ed, Paul and John Doe
Moe: And R.O.B.E
Captain: Oh God we sent R.O.B.E! what have we done?
Michele: Ed is with them I’m sure they will be fine
Captain: I hope so! Well at least we have a chance to relax for now.
Jane Doe 9: I wonder what John Doe and the others are up to…
Captain: Strange, it didn’t happen!
Moe: What didn’t?
Captain: Normally when someone says something like Jane Doe 9 did the plot would change to that of those on the planet and we would learn what was happening to the others.
B6B: Perhaps there is an error in the programing!
Captain: Well at least this gives Moe and B6B and even Jane Doe are a chance to say something of relevance!
B6B: Sir there is something on the radar
Captain: Yes B6B something like that!
B6B: No captain there actually is something on the radar
Captain: Oh that’s just a piece of chewing gum Moe left there…
B6B: Err no its something else, I think it’s a probe ship sir!
Captain: My God…It appears we are doomed, abandon ship!
Moe: No I say we fight them! Fire the proton beam at them!
Captain: Shut up! You cannot order R.O.B.E. around, only I get to do that! Oh wait R.O.B.E. isn’t here. If we were to fire anything it would have to be done manually.
B6B: But that means…
Captain: Yes, only Paul can do that! I never thought id say this but we actually need Paul for something of relevance, B6B put me on the intercom try to contact Alex we need Paul here now…
Captain-It’s the captain here, we have been spotted by a probe ship, we need Paul onboard to manually use the weapon system because R.O.B.E. is with you…
Intercom: What? He’s my team member get your own! Although I have to say this is the first mission where the plot has been more complicated than the jokes! Okay I will get Paul ready to be transported back up to you sir.
Captain-Thank you
Moe: Sir I am going to try and circle the ship around and try and loose the probe ship.
Captain: Good work, B6B ready the transporters for Paul!
B6B: Yes sir! They are ready!
Paul Transports Aboard Ship…
Paul: Hi I’m back
Captain: Good, ready the proton Gun, prepare for combat!
Moe: I think we lost the probe ship sir!
Paul: What? So you don’t need me after all?
Captain: It will be safer if you stay here for now Paul, we must await to hear from Alex when he reaches HQ.
37 Minutes Later…
Moe: Incoming transmission sir…
Captain: Go ahead…
B6B: Something is wrong, the signal has been blocked out
Moe: Sir it’s the probe ship!
Captain: Paul is the proton gun ready?
Paul: Yes sir!
Captain: Okay then lets send these mothers to a watery grave!
B6B: Watery?
Captain: Well err spacey grave then! I dunno! Lets fry those bastards!
Paul: Roger that sir!
Paul: Firing up them now sir!
B6B: Direct hit!
Captain: Woo hoo! I mean…good!
Moe: I think the probe ship is preparing to counter attack sir!
Captain: Those hostile fiends! Well I am not in the mood for a full scale war, prepare to go to Warp6 we need to try and loose them before they return fire!
Moe: Yes sir!
B6B: I’ve just heard this episode has got too long and has to end soon sir
Captain: What’s that B6B?
B6B: Oh nothing
Moe: We have lost the probe ship sir, they don’t appear to be following us.
Captain: Good work Moe, you deserve a medal for your bravery…shame you will never get one!
The next hour was spent trying to contact Alex after several hundred attempts they succeeded…
Captain: Hello Alex, Ed can you hear me?
Intercom- Alex-Yes we can hear you sir, well John Doe 38 cant, unless the 172 pieces of flesh and bone we found of his have joined back together terminator style…
Captain: Have you succeeded in your mission?
Intercom-Yes sir we have successfully completed all objectives.
Captain: The transporters are readied and you can now return when you are ready.
Intercom- Yes sir!
Alex, Ed, and R.O.B.E are okay, John Doe 38 sadly died a horrible bloody death. They return safely to the ship…
Captain: Thank God your back!
Alex: Ahhh have you been worrying about us?
Moe: Well no, not really
Ed: Oh…
B6B: Ha!
Alex: So what the hell have you lot been doing while we were off saving the day?
Captain: Oh nothing really…
Ed: What? Why did you need Paul?
Captain: Oh it was just a precaution
Alex: So you have been loafing around again, it wouldn’t make much of a story would it!
Captain: I guess your “courageous” efforts would make a great story then!
R.O.B.E.-Oh be quiet they both would make great stories, anyway I need to get out of this robotic suit its rather demeaning!
Captain: I suggest we all take this time to rest before we set out on our next mission, we did well today…both sets of teams performed well under the precarious surroundings we found ourselves in.
Captains Log Star Date 11.4:Well today was much like every other day, except today wasn’t as funny as it usually is! Maybe things have taken a turn for the worse? Maybe I should shut up…
Logging out Of R.O.B.E…Failed To Disconnect From Server…Doh
Tale Two (in the perspective of Alex, the ships doctor)
Alex: What the hell has the captain been up to for the past 15 minutes?
B6B: Writing one of his precious posts I imagine
Paul: Yeah, what an idiot!
Alex: Shut up you freak!
Michelle: The captain spends more time writing his logs than he does doing anything else!
R.O.B.E-He needs a lesson in time efficiency
Moe: Well at least when he writes his stupid Logs we get a chance to relax
Alex: Yeah he thinks were hard at work right now, ha!
Captain Enters Observation Room…
Captain: Hard at work are we?
Alex: Of course! Everything you requested has been done
Captain: I didn’t request anything!
Paul: Exactly!
Alex: Well at least the ships oxygen pumps are working at 10%, which is 9% better than we left Earth for space!
Captain: Oh Yeah, ha! Wait, that isn’t funny is it?
Paul: At least we can breathe!
Moe: So what’s on the agenda today?
Captain: Wait what does Paul keep saying I cant hear him over the noise the engine fans are making
Alex: It wasn’t anything important!
Paul: Does this seem weird to people, has this happened before?
Alex: Like in the matrix where they see that cat and its an error in the system?
Captain: You fool you have destroyed another joke that I was going to use in a future episode, noo!
Alex: Well there you go!
Moe: So what is on the agenda, I asked you before but you didn’t answer!
Captain: Sorry this is just confusing, you have to understand! Well I sugest we get some rest for now, we are headed for the planet of Shoobiedoo where we are to make the acquaintance of some alien freaks we have to kill, or something! I am going to my room to sleep, I suggest you all do the same!
Captain Leaves Room…
Alex: Well I guess we should get some rest…or we could stay up all night again gambling!
Ed Enters Room…
Ed: Did someone mention alcohol?
Paul: No gambling
Ed: Even better!
Alex: Ed you fool where have you been you missed the introduction of what may turn out to be the best episode yet!
Ed: Best episode?
Alex: Yeah they have just shown the last episode of Friends on E5 you fool you missed it!
Ed: Well ill always have the gambling…
Moe: Didn’t you loose all your money to me last time we played?
Ed: Err…maybe! Well…I could always let you have Michelle for one night.
Alex: How much is she worth?
Ed: How much you got?
Michelle: Don’t talk about me like I’m a possession that can be owned!
Alex: Clever joke!
Michelle: What? Be quiet…I’m going to get some rest now, goodnight.
Alex: Hey Moe didn’t you hate it on Friends though, when they introduced that new character just to spice things up for higher ratings.
Moe: Yeah I did! By the way where is Andrew?
Ed: Andrew?
Moe: Yeah the new crew member, he was sent as a replacement for Beaverson by the World Beaver Federation the other day, he designed most of the components used on this ship and therefore has at least some sort of a reason to be here!
Ed: Oh right…so where is he then, I haven’t seen him yet
Paul: He’s in bed
Alex: What? He’s been asleep for three days! Anyway how did you know he was in bed?
Paul: Err um so I’m going to bed now seen as the entertainment has gone, and I have got my self into a rather awkward situation. By the way if you didn’t get that possession joke it was funny because Ed is a hologram and is classified under the Possession act of 2032 as a…well a possession.
Alex: What? Anyway why the hell do we have to go to sleep now?
Paul: I dunno! I’m just reading what it says on the queue card
The Next Day…
Alex is in his lab…
Moe: Hi!
Alex: What the hell do you want?
Moe: Have you got any more of those steroids?
Alex: What? Steroids?
Moe: Err don’t worry! Ill ask Michelle…
Alex: What? You freak!
Intercom: All members of the Starship Beaverprise please report to the observation room, this is not a drill…repeat this is not a drill.
Alex: What? What does he want now the fool…
Alex Leaves Lab For The Observation Room…
Captain: Ah good at least someone has bothered to turn up!
Alex: What do you want?
Captain: I am going to brief you on today’s events, now go wake up the rest of the crew and bring them here.
Alex: Yes sir!
Alex Walks into Moe’s room…
Alex: The captain wants you to go to the observation room, but first wake up everyone else and tell them to go as well!
Moe: What? Cant you do it?
Alex: He told me to tell you too!
Moe: Bastard!
10 Minutes Later…
Captain: Good everyone is here, thank you Alex
Moe: What? Bastard!
Captain: Anyway I have called you here to give you your roles for the next 24 hours, we are to separate and form two groups. One of which will transport down to the planet Shoobiedoo and the other will remain aboard the ship, in case something should go wrong. I will be staying aboard the ship for reasons beyond my control, Alex will head the team of people that will be sent down, his and the teams job will be to find the Kong HQ from there you are to arrange to meet with the leader of the Kong’s, you are to persuade him to sign a contract of peace with Earth. It is most important because for the past 10 years the Kong’s have been the leading authority on import/export of fuel and other resources to Earth. They recently cut off there supply to Earth when the Galactic war began. When you manage to achieve you are to contact us and we will transport you back onto the ship which will be orbiting the planet Shoobiedoo’s surface, this is because we have reason to believe the planet has a formidable defence which consists of ground missile launchers and Probe ships which search and destroy nearby unknown ships.
Alex: Who will be on the team with me?
Captain: Alex your team will consist of;
You
R.O.B.E.
Ed
Paul
John Doe 38
And my team will consist of;
Myself
Moe
B6B
Michelle
Jane Doe 9
Captain: Moe when will we arrive at our destination?
Moe: In exactly 1 hour sir.
Captain: Good, Alex go to your lab and brief your team and what to expect when you arrive on the planets surface. I have written this detailed journal on what to expect, it includes resources from other sources such as…
Alex: Yeah whatever, I mean yes ill show them the stupid thing whatever it is…
Captain: Okay I will see you later.
Alex: By the way, why is it you are staying on the ship? Isn’t the captain supposed to go down to the planet and do all the work?
Captain: No, no! no you must be err mistaken, anyway it is of great importance…well that guy sitting in that chair that says director on it seems to think so anyway!
Alex Leaves Room And Goes To Lab…
Alex: Okay listen up guys, were gonna go to that planet that the captain said about, talk to a few people, force them to sign something then get the hell out of here!
Here is a journal the captain wrote for some reason or other, I recommend you use it for kindling or toilet paper, that’s what I did! Anyway we are to transport down in around 45 minutes time. Okay?
Ed/Paul/R.O.B.E./John Doe 38: Yes!
Alex: R.O.B.E. you are to be sent down on the planet with us in robot form!
R.O.B.E.-Arse
Alex: Then we are all set then!
45 Minutes Later…
In the Transport Room…
Okay everybody, Alex are you and your team ready?
Alex: Ready as we will ever be! Which ironically isn't ready at all!
Captain: Good! Now you will transport down to the planet and this episode will become less complicated to write!
Alex: Great!
Moe: Transporters Powered up, everyone ready?
Crew: Err yeah…
The transporters switch on…they don’t work so we try them again, they work! Alex, Ed, Paul, John Doe 38 and R.O.B.E. transport down…
On The Planet Shoobiedoo…
Alex: So what are we doing?
Paul: I thought you knew!
Ed: We have got to go to the Kong HQ, don’t worry I read the captains journal and I have photographic memory!
R.O.B.E-Lucky for some!
Ed: What? So do you R.O.B.E. you’re a machine!
R.O.B.E.-Yeah but the fools only give me 1Mb of memory, they say its for my own good, bastards!
Alex: Which way is the Kong HQ then?
Ed: Due North from here
Alex: Wow your so clever
Ed: Not really I was just reading that sign post!
Alex And His Team Head For The Kong HQ…
Paul: So how far is this place then?
Alex: Who knows!
Ed: It should only be 1 mile from here
Paul: What! I cant be bothered to walk that far!
15 Minutes Of Walking Later…
Alex: Incoming transmission, it’s the captain! I will put him on loudspeaker!
Intercom-It’s the captain here, we have been spotted by a probe ship, we need Paul onboard to manually use the weapon system because R.O.B.E. is with you…
Alex: What? He’s my team member get your own! Although I have to say this is the first mission where the plot has been more complicated than the jokes! Okay I will get Paul ready to be transported back up to you sir.
Intercom-Thank you
Alex: Okay I am hearing that the transporters are ready for you Paul, You are needed more aboard the ship, me and my team will be in contact with the captain and you when we reach the HQ hopefully.
Paul: Okay!
Paul Transports Back To The Starship Beaverprise…
Alex And His Team Continues On To Kong HQ…
After another half an hour of travelling they reach their destination…
Alex: Okay Ed contact the Starship and Tell Them we have arrived!
Ed: Okay right away sir…
Ed Tries To Contact the Starship But There Is No Reply…
Ed: I cant get through to them Alex!
Alex: My God something must have happened, well we have our priorities here, let us go into the HQ and meet their Leader Donkey.
John Doe 38: The leader of the Kong’s is called Donkey? How ironic
Alex: Indeed! You do realise though John Doe 38 by talking you have awoken an age old voodoo curse which means you will die within the next 24 hours…
John Doe 38: I don’t believe in fait, I will take my chances!
Alex: Fool!
Alex, Ed, John Doe 38 and R.O.B.E Enter the HQ With Caution…
Alex: Hello, we come in peace
Donkey: That’s what the Enterprise crew said, those bastards! I’m sorry... greetings my friends
Alex: Friends?
Donkey: Yes, of course!
Alex: Phew, we thought you hated us and were going to attempt to kill us or something!
Donkey: Of course not, we have a personal vendetta with the Enterprise crew, but seen as they have long passed away our hatred with Earth has ended.
Ed: This is good! You have our deepest sympathy and we apologise for the actions of the Enterprise crew, we are here to put right their wrongs!
Alex: Yes exactly! We have this contract for you to sign, it is about the exportation of fuel to Earth.
Donkey: Of course, but we only sign contacts aboard our ship, this HQ is just for meeting people, with your regards we will transport you and ourselves to our ship now
Alex: Go ahead!
On board The Kongs Ship…
Diddy: Father there is an unidentified ship closing in on us, what shall we do?
Donkey: Proceed with caution, we don’t want to cause them any problems as I am sure they don’t like wise…
Diddy: Father they are preparing to fire on us!
Donkey: My God what are they trying to achieve? What ship is it?
Diddy: I cant make it out sir.
Donkey: Alex or Ed can you see the name of ship firing on us, we may have superior brains to you humans but our eye site is poor in comparison.
Alex: I cant quite see either!
Ed: I think it says arship eaverprise!
Donkey: My God the arship eaverprise are firing on us!
Diddy: Who are the arship eaverprise?
Donkey: Well I don’t know! Prepare to counter attack!
Diddy: Yes father! Ready to fire!
Donkey: Wait, maybe we should let them go, they appear to be backing down
Alex: Freaks!
Ed: Why don’t you fire back?
Donkey: We are a peaceful life form, we would rather die than harm others it is the way we are.
Alex: That’s kinda stupid!
Donkey: Oh Shut up!
Diddy: Damage report has come back sir, the ship’s interior is okay but the outer bridge and hull has taken series damage, also somebody called John Doe 38 died from the blast!
Donkey: The arship eaverprise has retreated!
Alex: Thank God! I thought we were all doomed, I wonder where the captain has got to?
Donkey: Well now the unpleasantness is over we will sign your contract my Earth friends, as long as you will sign this, it states nobody from Earth can ever return to our planet, as long as you keep to this contract we will abide by yours and provide Earth will your precious fuel.
Alex: Very well!
Ed: Are you sure you have the authority to do that Alex?
Alex: Sure I do!
Moments later Donkey signed the contract and so did Alex the next hour was spent by helping the Kong’s repair their ship and clean up the mess John Doe 38 made…
Intercom- Hello Alex, Ed and John Doe 38 can you hear me?
Alex-Yes we can hear you sir, well John Doe 38 cant, unless the 172 pieces of flesh and bone we found of his have joined back together terminator style…
Intercom: Have you succeeded in your mission?
Alex: Yes sir we have successfully completed all objectives.
Intercom- The transporters are readied and you can now return when you are ready.
Alex: Yes sir!
Alex, Ed, and R.O.B.E Return Safely To The Ship…
Captain: Thank God your back!
Alex: Ahhh have you been worrying about us?
Moe: Well no, not really
Ed: Oh…
B6B: Ha!
Alex: So what the hell have you lot been doing while we were off saving the day?
Captain: Oh nothing really…
Ed: What? Why did you need Paul?
Captain: Oh it was just a precaution
Alex: So you have been loafing around again, it wouldn’t make much of a story would it!
Captain: I guess your “courageous” efforts would make a great story then!
R.O.B.E.-Oh be quiet they both would make great stories, anyway I need to get out of this robotic suit its rather demeaning!
Captain: I suggest we all take this time to rest before we set out on our next mission, we did well today…both sets of teams performed well under the precarious surroundings we found ourselves in.
Alex: I think whoever wrote this has just run out of ideas because I don’t know what to say…
Ed: But you just said something!
Alex: Err yeah!
R.O.B.E. Apologises In Advance If The Mission Data Above Contains any Errors, It Was Complicated To Compile...
Disconnected From Server.
Disconected From Server.
