Previously on Beaverprise…
Captain: He says we have to go to Dreyson 5 and meet a secret informant who can give us information on the attack.
Paul: Oh wow! It’s Bill Clinton!
Michelle: And he’s brought Monica Lewinski with him!
Bill Clinton Masked Person: No! We’re here to kidnap Michelle and one crew member of your choice.
The two masked people beam back to their ship with Michelle and John Doe 46.
Ed: We’d better head to the WBF Headquarters and inform the Captain of what has taken place!
Ed: B6B and Paul, huh? Well they might as well come along seeing as I can’t decide which of you annoying crew members should come with me!
Ed: Well after 100 games of Jenga, of which I won 99 and Jane Doe 46 won 1, I hereby pronounce the new Captain of the Starship Beaverprise to be…Moe!
The pod door begins to slide shut.
Moe: Mooowhahahahahahahaa!
The following takes place between 2am and 3am on the day of the California Presidential Primary, which has nothing to do with what you are about to read what so ever!
02:00:00
Robert: Why the hell did you laugh manically like that?
Moe: I dunno! That was last week!
B6B: Don’t you remember? My flies were undone!
Moe: Oh yeah! Mooowahahahahah!
R.O.B.E.: Wait, didn’t B6B just fly off into space?
Moe: Fly? Moowahahaha!
B6B Runs Off Into Space…
Robert: That’s poor!
Moe: Yeah! You can’t explain it properly, because it isn’t real!
Jane Doe 14: So R.O.B.E. how’s it going?
Silence.
Jane Doe 14: Fine. Ignore me you freak.
Calm Female Voice: R.O.B.E. has been intercepted by an illegal virus and may no longer function.
Jane Doe 14: Phew!
Calm Female Voice: He also says that he hates Jane Doe 14!
Jane Doe 14: Bastard!
Robert: He didn’t function that well anyway!
Moe: What and you did? You’re a minor character!
Robert: I thought we were friends!
Moe: You thought wrong!
Jane Doe 14: Anyway, lets go up to the bridge!
Robert: I thought there was another joke we had to have first?
Moe: Oh well it doesn’t matter, we don’t need him anyway!
Jane Doe 14: But we cant get off the ship! We need R.O.B.E. for everything!
Jane Doe 14 Starts Pulling On the Transportation Areas Air Lock Trying To Force It Open…
Moe: You fool! You realise if you actually open that then we would all be dead by now!
Robert: So were trapped in the transport area of the ship? No food? No Drink, No jokes and no pleasant company!
Jane Doe 14: Bastard!
02:10:14
Alex And The Captain Are Travelling In The Pod Towards Dreyson 5…
Alex: I wonder how much longer this will take!
Pod Computer: Now Entering Dreyson 5’s atmosphere
Captain: Oh wow! The pod can talk.
Alex: Everything talks in your little world!
Captain: But it’s a pod! And It talks!
Pod Computer: I have feelings too you bastard!
Alex: No you don’t! Your just a series of wires and circuits!
Pod Computer: ill have my vengeance!
The Pod Crash Lands Onto The Planet Dreyson 5 But Isn’t Damaged In Any Way…
Pod Computer: Damn!
Alex And Justin Emerge From The Pod And Walk Onto The Planets Surface…
Justin: So which way is it? They never thought to tell us!
Alex: That’s because it’s a secret!
Justin: Look, there’s a sign post over there…maybe that will hold the answers to our questions!
Alex: Maybe!
Justin: Yeah look there are 4 signs and they read: Capital City – 10 miles, Safeway – 2 miles, Death – 5 minutes, Secret Informant – Next Left.
Alex: I can read you freak!
02:16:04
Meanwhile…A Cramped Pod Aimlessly Floating Towards The WBF…
Ed: Left hand to yellow!
B6B: Ill try! But who knows what the consequences will be!
Ed: Right foot to red!
Paul: Arghhhhhhhh! My groin!
B6B Falls On Top Of Paul…
Paul: This is twisted!
Ed: No, this is Twister!
B6B: We’re here!
Paul: Where?
B6B: The WBF!
Ed: Woo! It really did take 15/20 minutes!
02:19:44
Meanwhile On the Starship Beaverprise…
Moe: Why has it cut back to us again?
Robert: Yeah! There’s nothing else that has to happen here
Moe: Yeah, I wish the others we’re here! Wait…what am I saying? No I don’t!
Jane Doe 14: So, this is really boring
Robert: What do you expect! Your trying to pry open a titanium steel reinforced door with your bare hands!
Jane Doe 14: So when are we going to have sex, so that I can steal your wallet and use your identity and graft your face onto a trained assassin, who will then kill the President?
Moe: I think its in hour 4!
02:23:01
On An Unknown Ship…
John Doe 46: How cool is this? I cant believe my luck!
Michelle: What! You freak! You obviously haven’t been kidnapped before!
John Doe 46: What! And you have?
Michelle: Err..Yeah, you fool!
Bill Clinton Masked Person: Pipe down!
The Unknown Ship Continues travelling Towards An Uncharted Planet…
02:27:30
On Dreyson 5…
Captain: So, we’re looking for cheese yeah?
Alex: What?
Captain: You know, like Wallace and Gromit?
Alex: No, we’re looking for that secret informant.
Captain: Wasn’t that supposed to be the next left?
Alex: Yes, but there haven’t been any lefts yet!
Captain: That makes no sense, but okay!
Alex: So, who do you think the informant will be?
Captain: Well, its not important yet…So lets talk about it later!
Alex: So, its an evil version of you created when we went through that black hole?
Captain: Pretty much!
Alex: Cool!
02:30:57
At The WBF HQ…
Ed: So, they’re not here then?
Jack Beaver, Jr: Yeah, I just said that!
Paul: Did you? Why didn’t we see it?
Jack Beaver, Jr: You mean hear it?
Paul: Yeah!
Ed: So where have they gone then?
Bloke: Well, this secret note that was addressed to them from the late Jack Beaver, tells them to go to Dreyson 5…A most terrible place.
B6B: Aren’t you Jack Beaver?
Bloke: No, I’m the bloke. Don’t you remember me? Nobody ever does!
B6B: Not you! You!
Jack Beaver, Jr: No, he was my father. He was murdered!
Ed: Oh, I’m so sorry!
Jack Beaver, Jr: Oh it’s okay! I never liked him anyway!
Ed: Cool! Me neither!
B6B: So what are we gonna do now then?
Jack Beaver, Jr: Oh, I suggest a friendly game of snakes and ladders!
Paul: Nah, we prefer Twister!
B6B: Maybe you do! But I’m still emotionally scared from the last time we played!
Ed: What about the WBF Leader? Can we have a word with him?
Bloke: Nah! No one can ever see him! Ever!
Ed: Well can we talk to anyone?
Bloke: Well we do have his black “family” around here somewhere, if you want to talk to them!
B6B: Where are they?
Bloke: Well they had been swept under the rug, literally! Because there are too many suspicious looking people about!
Ed: Who?
Bloke: Well you three for starters!
B6B: So you’ve got them locked in their rooms, yeah?
Bloke: Err…yeah!
Ed: We might as well talk to them then!
Jack Beaver, Jr: What about me? You can talk to me if you like!
Paul: Okay! Cool!
Ed: No Paul, you’re coming with us!
Ed, B6B And Paul Are Led To The Locked Room Where The Black “Family” Is Being Held…
Paul: So what’s with the quotation marks you keep doing around “family”?
Bloke: Well, they’re the WBF Leader’s family, but they’re all black.
Paul: What’s so racist about that?
Ed: Err….Yeah! I thought he was black anyway!
Bloke: No, that’s just the shadows he hides in, so you can’t see his face!
B6B: Freak!
Bloke: Yeah, much pretty!
Paul: Great variation!
Bloke: Yeah, well enough questions! Here’s the room. It’s right next to the WBF Leader’s office, for no apparent reason!
Paul: So, for every apparent reason?
02:43:56
In the Locked Room…
Ed: So you’re the Black “Family” then?
Stereotypical Black Wife: Hi I’m the World Beaver Federation Leaders wife, I’m the one who tries to ruin everything he does then tries to set him up with a friend of mine to see if he will stay faithful…
Stereotypical Black Son: Hey! I’m the World Beaver Federation leaders son, I’m the one who you think is responsible for a murder and has years of counselling only for you to find out I’m some sort of a hero that destroys our evil mum’s plans for world domination…I’m also a ruthless killer, but that’s neither here nor there.
Stereotypical Black Daughter: Hi, I’m the World Beaver Federation leaders daughter, the one that was sexually assaulted, although I never show any emotion so it doesn’t make a difference…
Stereotypical Black Daughter #2: Hi, er….I’m not even described in the script, so I’m probably just here to comfort the others or maybe just to fill up some time!
Paul: Time, eh? I wonder what time it is now you’ve bored us with your self indulgent speeches!
02:56:02
In The WBF Leaders Room…
WBF Leader: I’m so glad that I chose this as my line of duty after teaching all of my favourite pupils!
A Rock Is Thrown Through The Window…Then A Flash Grenade Is Thrown Into The Room As Two Cloaked Figures Jump Into The Room…
The Smoke Clears…
WBF Leader: Who’s there? Stereotypical black wife is that you?
Cloaked Figure #1: Mr Milham, sorry to interrupt you but we’re here to pull off an A* kidnapping!
WBF Leader: Carry On!
Cloaked Figure #2: Can you get in the sack please?
WBF Leader: Why? Are we going to play a game?
Cloaked Figure #2: You wont be playing games where you’re going!
One of the Cloaked Figures Hits the WBF Leader (Mr. Milham) Round the Head…
WBF Leader: Quality work!
The WBF Leader Looses Consciousness, is bundled in the sack and taken away with the Cloaked Figures as They Escape Out the Window…
02:59:57…02:59:58…02:59:59
03:00:00
Captain: He says we have to go to Dreyson 5 and meet a secret informant who can give us information on the attack.
Paul: Oh wow! It’s Bill Clinton!
Michelle: And he’s brought Monica Lewinski with him!
Bill Clinton Masked Person: No! We’re here to kidnap Michelle and one crew member of your choice.
The two masked people beam back to their ship with Michelle and John Doe 46.
Ed: We’d better head to the WBF Headquarters and inform the Captain of what has taken place!
Ed: B6B and Paul, huh? Well they might as well come along seeing as I can’t decide which of you annoying crew members should come with me!
Ed: Well after 100 games of Jenga, of which I won 99 and Jane Doe 46 won 1, I hereby pronounce the new Captain of the Starship Beaverprise to be…Moe!
The pod door begins to slide shut.
Moe: Mooowhahahahahahahaa!
The following takes place between 2am and 3am on the day of the California Presidential Primary, which has nothing to do with what you are about to read what so ever!
02:00:00
Robert: Why the hell did you laugh manically like that?
Moe: I dunno! That was last week!
B6B: Don’t you remember? My flies were undone!
Moe: Oh yeah! Mooowahahahahah!
R.O.B.E.: Wait, didn’t B6B just fly off into space?
Moe: Fly? Moowahahaha!
B6B Runs Off Into Space…
Robert: That’s poor!
Moe: Yeah! You can’t explain it properly, because it isn’t real!
Jane Doe 14: So R.O.B.E. how’s it going?
Silence.
Jane Doe 14: Fine. Ignore me you freak.
Calm Female Voice: R.O.B.E. has been intercepted by an illegal virus and may no longer function.
Jane Doe 14: Phew!
Calm Female Voice: He also says that he hates Jane Doe 14!
Jane Doe 14: Bastard!
Robert: He didn’t function that well anyway!
Moe: What and you did? You’re a minor character!
Robert: I thought we were friends!
Moe: You thought wrong!
Jane Doe 14: Anyway, lets go up to the bridge!
Robert: I thought there was another joke we had to have first?
Moe: Oh well it doesn’t matter, we don’t need him anyway!
Jane Doe 14: But we cant get off the ship! We need R.O.B.E. for everything!
Jane Doe 14 Starts Pulling On the Transportation Areas Air Lock Trying To Force It Open…
Moe: You fool! You realise if you actually open that then we would all be dead by now!
Robert: So were trapped in the transport area of the ship? No food? No Drink, No jokes and no pleasant company!
Jane Doe 14: Bastard!
02:10:14
Alex And The Captain Are Travelling In The Pod Towards Dreyson 5…
Alex: I wonder how much longer this will take!
Pod Computer: Now Entering Dreyson 5’s atmosphere
Captain: Oh wow! The pod can talk.
Alex: Everything talks in your little world!
Captain: But it’s a pod! And It talks!
Pod Computer: I have feelings too you bastard!
Alex: No you don’t! Your just a series of wires and circuits!
Pod Computer: ill have my vengeance!
The Pod Crash Lands Onto The Planet Dreyson 5 But Isn’t Damaged In Any Way…
Pod Computer: Damn!
Alex And Justin Emerge From The Pod And Walk Onto The Planets Surface…
Justin: So which way is it? They never thought to tell us!
Alex: That’s because it’s a secret!
Justin: Look, there’s a sign post over there…maybe that will hold the answers to our questions!
Alex: Maybe!
Justin: Yeah look there are 4 signs and they read: Capital City – 10 miles, Safeway – 2 miles, Death – 5 minutes, Secret Informant – Next Left.
Alex: I can read you freak!
02:16:04
Meanwhile…A Cramped Pod Aimlessly Floating Towards The WBF…
Ed: Left hand to yellow!
B6B: Ill try! But who knows what the consequences will be!
Ed: Right foot to red!
Paul: Arghhhhhhhh! My groin!
B6B Falls On Top Of Paul…
Paul: This is twisted!
Ed: No, this is Twister!
B6B: We’re here!
Paul: Where?
B6B: The WBF!
Ed: Woo! It really did take 15/20 minutes!
02:19:44
Meanwhile On the Starship Beaverprise…
Moe: Why has it cut back to us again?
Robert: Yeah! There’s nothing else that has to happen here
Moe: Yeah, I wish the others we’re here! Wait…what am I saying? No I don’t!
Jane Doe 14: So, this is really boring
Robert: What do you expect! Your trying to pry open a titanium steel reinforced door with your bare hands!
Jane Doe 14: So when are we going to have sex, so that I can steal your wallet and use your identity and graft your face onto a trained assassin, who will then kill the President?
Moe: I think its in hour 4!
02:23:01
On An Unknown Ship…
John Doe 46: How cool is this? I cant believe my luck!
Michelle: What! You freak! You obviously haven’t been kidnapped before!
John Doe 46: What! And you have?
Michelle: Err..Yeah, you fool!
Bill Clinton Masked Person: Pipe down!
The Unknown Ship Continues travelling Towards An Uncharted Planet…
02:27:30
On Dreyson 5…
Captain: So, we’re looking for cheese yeah?
Alex: What?
Captain: You know, like Wallace and Gromit?
Alex: No, we’re looking for that secret informant.
Captain: Wasn’t that supposed to be the next left?
Alex: Yes, but there haven’t been any lefts yet!
Captain: That makes no sense, but okay!
Alex: So, who do you think the informant will be?
Captain: Well, its not important yet…So lets talk about it later!
Alex: So, its an evil version of you created when we went through that black hole?
Captain: Pretty much!
Alex: Cool!
02:30:57
At The WBF HQ…
Ed: So, they’re not here then?
Jack Beaver, Jr: Yeah, I just said that!
Paul: Did you? Why didn’t we see it?
Jack Beaver, Jr: You mean hear it?
Paul: Yeah!
Ed: So where have they gone then?
Bloke: Well, this secret note that was addressed to them from the late Jack Beaver, tells them to go to Dreyson 5…A most terrible place.
B6B: Aren’t you Jack Beaver?
Bloke: No, I’m the bloke. Don’t you remember me? Nobody ever does!
B6B: Not you! You!
Jack Beaver, Jr: No, he was my father. He was murdered!
Ed: Oh, I’m so sorry!
Jack Beaver, Jr: Oh it’s okay! I never liked him anyway!
Ed: Cool! Me neither!
B6B: So what are we gonna do now then?
Jack Beaver, Jr: Oh, I suggest a friendly game of snakes and ladders!
Paul: Nah, we prefer Twister!
B6B: Maybe you do! But I’m still emotionally scared from the last time we played!
Ed: What about the WBF Leader? Can we have a word with him?
Bloke: Nah! No one can ever see him! Ever!
Ed: Well can we talk to anyone?
Bloke: Well we do have his black “family” around here somewhere, if you want to talk to them!
B6B: Where are they?
Bloke: Well they had been swept under the rug, literally! Because there are too many suspicious looking people about!
Ed: Who?
Bloke: Well you three for starters!
B6B: So you’ve got them locked in their rooms, yeah?
Bloke: Err…yeah!
Ed: We might as well talk to them then!
Jack Beaver, Jr: What about me? You can talk to me if you like!
Paul: Okay! Cool!
Ed: No Paul, you’re coming with us!
Ed, B6B And Paul Are Led To The Locked Room Where The Black “Family” Is Being Held…
Paul: So what’s with the quotation marks you keep doing around “family”?
Bloke: Well, they’re the WBF Leader’s family, but they’re all black.
Paul: What’s so racist about that?
Ed: Err….Yeah! I thought he was black anyway!
Bloke: No, that’s just the shadows he hides in, so you can’t see his face!
B6B: Freak!
Bloke: Yeah, much pretty!
Paul: Great variation!
Bloke: Yeah, well enough questions! Here’s the room. It’s right next to the WBF Leader’s office, for no apparent reason!
Paul: So, for every apparent reason?
02:43:56
In the Locked Room…
Ed: So you’re the Black “Family” then?
Stereotypical Black Wife: Hi I’m the World Beaver Federation Leaders wife, I’m the one who tries to ruin everything he does then tries to set him up with a friend of mine to see if he will stay faithful…
Stereotypical Black Son: Hey! I’m the World Beaver Federation leaders son, I’m the one who you think is responsible for a murder and has years of counselling only for you to find out I’m some sort of a hero that destroys our evil mum’s plans for world domination…I’m also a ruthless killer, but that’s neither here nor there.
Stereotypical Black Daughter: Hi, I’m the World Beaver Federation leaders daughter, the one that was sexually assaulted, although I never show any emotion so it doesn’t make a difference…
Stereotypical Black Daughter #2: Hi, er….I’m not even described in the script, so I’m probably just here to comfort the others or maybe just to fill up some time!
Paul: Time, eh? I wonder what time it is now you’ve bored us with your self indulgent speeches!
02:56:02
In The WBF Leaders Room…
WBF Leader: I’m so glad that I chose this as my line of duty after teaching all of my favourite pupils!
A Rock Is Thrown Through The Window…Then A Flash Grenade Is Thrown Into The Room As Two Cloaked Figures Jump Into The Room…
The Smoke Clears…
WBF Leader: Who’s there? Stereotypical black wife is that you?
Cloaked Figure #1: Mr Milham, sorry to interrupt you but we’re here to pull off an A* kidnapping!
WBF Leader: Carry On!
Cloaked Figure #2: Can you get in the sack please?
WBF Leader: Why? Are we going to play a game?
Cloaked Figure #2: You wont be playing games where you’re going!
One of the Cloaked Figures Hits the WBF Leader (Mr. Milham) Round the Head…
WBF Leader: Quality work!
The WBF Leader Looses Consciousness, is bundled in the sack and taken away with the Cloaked Figures as They Escape Out the Window…
02:59:57…02:59:58…02:59:59
03:00:00
