Episode 18-"24"
Written By: Justin Shough And Alex Gilmour
Original Idea’s By: Justin Shough And Alex Gilmour
A Shough-Gilmour Production
Final Episode (Part One, Of 24)
My name is Jack Beaver and today is the funniest day of my life. Terrorists are plotting to assassinate the World Beaver Federation Leader. They also have my wife, my daughter and my rare stamp collection. I want it back you bastards! I have reason to believe they may be among my best friends and co-workers, though I’m not sure if they’ve been kidnapped either, that’s it.
Logging into CTU main frame…
R.O.B.E: You bastards!
The following takes place between Midnight and 1am on the day of the California Presidential Primary, which has nothing to do with what you are about to read what so ever!
12:00:00
Paul: Midnight, eh? Shouldn’t we be asleep?
Alex: Probably. But time has no relevance in where we travel or what we do anymore, so is it merely another hour of another day, or….
Captain: Er….Go to sleep you freak! You’re blabbering on about nothing, again!
12:00:11
B6B: 11 seconds? Some sort of a record!
Moe: Incoming transmission sir!
Captain: Go to sleep Moe!
B6B: Incoming transmission sir!
Captain: Put it on then!
Transmission: My name is Jack Beaver and today…
Ed: We don’t want your life story just tell us what the hell you want
Transmission: (looking at sheets of paper) Err….wife…..daughter….co-workers….terrorists….stamp collection….Oh, here we are….The Leader of the World Beaver Federation is dead….err….wait, no that’s next week….err, I mean…Aw crap!
Alex: What the hell!?!
Transmission: Yeah, so anyway an attempt has been made on the Leader of the World Beaver Federation’s life and I thought you’d know something about it!
Captain: You had better ask Paul, he usually deals with these matters.
Paul: Yeah! Deaths, attempted murders and email viruses, you know…just the usual!
Alex: So can we talk to the Leader of the WBF?
Transmission: No, he’s currently resting after the shock of it all! Or is he? Oh yeah, apparently he is!
Alex: Suspicious
Captain: Not really! So what are we supposed to do then, Mr. Beaver?
Transmission: How should I know! I’m just the message boy! I suppose a couple of you could come down here and take a look into what happened!
B6B: Don’t we have police for this sort of thing?
Ed: Yeah, but then we wouldn’t have anything to do would we? And thus cease to exist!
Paul: Cool!
Captain: You’re not going to have anything to do anyway! Seeing as we haven’t really taken part in a proper mission since we “died” I feel that me and Alex should take a pod and make our way to the WBF Headquarters alone!
Moe: What, so you can “die” again?
12:02:12
Michelle: Two minutes and already a serious lack of content?
R.O.B.E: I’ve had to live with a serious lack of content all my life, and it never hurt me!
Ed: Not on the outside!
Captain: R.O.B.E. get ready to launch a pod for me and Alex to escape in…I mean visit the WBF in.
12:13:01
R.O.B.E.: Pod is ready to launch!
Captain: Good, it only took you 10 minutes to do it!
Alex: Yeah, 10 minutes of my life ill never get back you bastard!
Alex And The Captain Proceed To Get In The Pod Which Incidentally Was Covered In A 2 Inch Layer Of Dust Through Lack Of Use…
Captain: Well, see you then!
Alex: In hell, perhaps?
Ed: Probably!
The Pod ejects and drifts off into space intact with John Doe 45 who was cleaning it at the time…Never to be seen again!
Moe: What are we going to do now?
Michelle: The same thing we did when we thought they were dead!
Ed: What...Nothing?
Paul: I just got the script for Hour 2, we can learn our lines for that if you like!
B6B: Hey, it says here that Michelle turns out to be a government agent bent on destruction, whilst Ed and Jane Doe 14 have a lured affair!
Ed: (grabbing Jane Doe 14) Let’s go!
12:20:57
Meanwhile in the pod…
Alex: So now that this is in real time it’s pretty boring, eh?
Captain: Looks like we’ll actually have to talk until something exciting happens!
Alex: So, did you notice John Doe 45 clinging onto the pod about a couple of minutes ago? He let go after a while…think he’s dead?
Captain: Probably!
Alex: So you remember when we “died”?
Captain: No
Alex: Maybe you need reminding!
Captain: Maybe! Or maybe it’s you who needs reminding!
Alex: Flashback then?
Flashback:
Captains Log Star Date 15.9: Its good to be back, yes it’s I your beloved captain, Justin. Some say I’ve been away too long (Alex) the other crew members unfortunately had a different view on the matter which has culminated into mutiny. That was last week, after the other crew members being forced to spend 7 days in the holodeck using a torture programme created by R.O.B.E. and somebody called Andy Black on earth several years ago. They now have changed they opinions and are overjoyed that Alex and I survived yet another near death experience…
Paul: I’m so glad you’re back Alex…and you whoever you are
B6B: So how did you two survive?
End of Flashback…
Alex: No, that was when we told the crew how we managed to return intact!
Captain: Oh, yeah! Better go back a bit further….
Flashback:
Alex: So we’re going to die yeah?
Captain: Yeah. Did you see the Simpsons last night?
Grim Reaper: That’s the least of your worries.
Alex: Oh my God! We’re there, this is it!
Captain: What?
Alex + Captain: Nooooooooo!
The Rocket Disappears Into The Black Hole Along With Alex And Justin…
End Of Flashback…
Alex: That's not right either, you fool! You want about two seconds after that!
Captain: Alright you bastard! If you think it’s really necessary! This is what really happened…
Flashback:
Justin: Where are we?
Alex: It looks like were drifting through space and time
Justin: Cool! So did you see the Simpsons last night then?
Alex: Shut up you fool! We have to try and find our way out of here
Justin: Its everyman for himself!
Justin Tries To Run Off But Cannot Move…he and Alex are sent travelling through time and into oblivion…
Justin: Where are we?
Alex: Stop saying that!
Justin: I didn’t say anything!
Alex: It looks like were drifting through space and time
Justin: What the hell! Didn’t you just say that?
Alex: What’s going on? Why is it just us two here, we need a calm calculative genius like R.O.B.E.
Justin: What? You have gone insane!
Alex: Pretty much
Captain: So are we never going to see the light of day again?
Alex: Obviously!
Captain: So its kind of boring with just us two here isn’t it
Alex: Something’s happening!
Captain: What?
Alex: Well, nothing…were doomed!
Alex And Justin Continue Floating Through Space And Time Until They Begin To See A Large Object, In The Distance…
Justin: What the hell is that?
Alex: Dunno, it kinda looks like our ship woohoo were home!
Alex And Justin Drift Into The Ship…
Justin: Hello? Hello? Were back woohoo!
Silence…
Alex: Where is everyone?
Captain: Steven, give me the status on our fuel efficiency
Steven: fuel? Efficiency?
Drake: We are currently operating at 94% sir
Dr. Ankran: You know that Justin and Alex? Don’t you hate them, I know I do!
Captain: Yep!
Steven: Yeah, bunch of freaks!
Justin: Freaks? Who the hell are they to call us that? And who is this Steven?
Alex: I dunno, but this isn’t our ship, we must have slipped into another dimension or time
Justin: Why cant they hear or see us?
Alex: Well I have about as much knowledge on the subject as you but I guess because we are caught up in the space time continuum, we are neither here nor there!
On Starship Beaverprise (present Day) (Still In Flashback)…
B6B: Did you really say that? You seem to know an awful lot on the subject
Alex: Yeah whatever, anyway…
Back To The Story…
Alex: We then left this ship and were thrown into the past which to us was the present I think it was around the time of the power cut you suffered (1 day before)
Alex: Woo! Were back!
Justin: Where?
Alex: The Starship Beaverprise you idiot!
Justin: I see…
Alex: I’m going to try and log into R.O.B.E. to see where the crew are
Logging Into R.O.B.E….Already Logged In You Fool…
Alex: It looks like they are on a mission at the moment trying to save some dying race
Justin: Save? Yeah right!
Alex: Seriously!
Justin: Oh…So they are doing okay without us, bastards!
Alex: Ed is currently the captain while you are away, wow they had a funeral for us, ill try and find the footage…
Alex Plays The Tape Of The Funeral…
Justin: What’s all that about chipmunks? Flashback? Who gave Paul the right to do that?
Alex: Well at least they could be bothered to go
Justin: Yeah but only Michelle and Paul! Paul!!!
Alex: Yeah, what a freak!
Justin: Look, there’s some email on here that’s been sent from someone back on Earth
Alex: Who?
Justin: Doesn’t say, just has the initials P.Y
Alex: Just send it to Paul, he loves all that crap
Justin: I think it has a virus embedded in it
Alex: Yeah just send it to Paul!
Justin: Okay!
Paul Walks Into The Room…
Alex: Paul’s here, quick hide!
Justin: Hide? He cant see us you fool!
Alex: Oh…look! The others are back!
As They (Alex And Justin) Are About To Communicate With The Others They Are Thrown Through Time Again…
Justin: Where are we now? Some strange and secluded planet? Some brilliant new future where we are kings among men?
Alex: No! were still on the ship! And shut up with that kings among men thing! Its never gonna happen!
Justin: A man can dream, a man can dream!
R.O.B.E.: Warning Futurama rip off in progress!
A Week Later…
Justin: So, they still haven’t realised we are here!
Alex: Doesn’t look like it does it!
A Massive Explosion Is Heard, All Electrical Appliances Switch Off…
In Alex’s Room…
Alex: Hey! What happened?
Justin: Dunno!
Later On…
R.O.B.E.: The powers back on!
Captain: R.O.B.E.’s back on, which must mean the powers back on!
A Flood Of Light Streams Down A Corridor…
Justin: Cool! The powers on!
Alex: Yeah you idiot I just switched it on from the mains! Some idiot had turned it off or something!
Justin: Legendary! Now lets take a moonlit walk down this corridor where there appears to be a whole host of people at the other end to mock without them knowing it!
Hushed Voices Are Heard From The Other End Of The Corridor:
Crew: Gasp!
Moe: It’s two silhouettes come back to kill us!
Justin: What!? They can see us!
Alex: Woohoo! Were back! Actually back!
Justin: But it makes no sense!
Alex: It must have been the explosion that caused our bodies to actually materialise in all their former glory!
Justin: Err yeah, but that happened ages ago! Why have we only just come back?
Alex: Oh forget it! It made sense when we wrote this about a year ago!
Justin: So, are we actually going to walk down the corridor then?
Alex: Lets go!
End of Flashback
Alex: Wow! That was really long!
Captain: Yeah, what time is it?
Alex: (looking at digital clock that keeps popping up at random times) Err…12:25:23!
Captain: So, you wana go to sleep for the rest of the journey?
Alex: Yeah, ill just put it on autopilot!
12:47:05
Alex: Woo! We’re finally here!
Captain: I thought you were asleep!
Alex: I never sleep! Mooowhahahahahaha!
Captain: Yeah, whatever! Let’s just get out of this stupid pod!
Alex: Yeah, we’re like two peas in….
Captain: Shut up, you fool!
They enter the WBF Headquarters, which is right next to earth….
Alex: Wouldn’t it have made more sense if this was situated on Earth?
Captain: Nah, that would be poor!
12:48:54
Alex: We’re running out of time, quick run!
Alex And The Captain Run Towards The Briefing Room…
Jack Beaver, Jr.: Hi! I assume you’re here about the Leader of the WBF!
Alex: Pretty much!
Captain: What happened to the original Jack Beaver?
Jack Beaver, Jr: Oh, him! He died during an attempt on the Leader of the WBF’s life only moments ago!
Captain: Here, I brought this!
Jack Beaver, Jr: Snakes and Ladders travel edition?
Captain: I hope it helps, it seemed appropriate at the time.
Jack Beaver, Jr: It eases the pain.
12:59:50
Jack Beaver, Jr: Dear God I’m going down a ladder!
Alex And Captain: Noooooooo!
12:59:57…12:59:58…12:59:59
01:00:00
Written By: Justin Shough And Alex Gilmour
Original Idea’s By: Justin Shough And Alex Gilmour
A Shough-Gilmour Production
Final Episode (Part One, Of 24)
My name is Jack Beaver and today is the funniest day of my life. Terrorists are plotting to assassinate the World Beaver Federation Leader. They also have my wife, my daughter and my rare stamp collection. I want it back you bastards! I have reason to believe they may be among my best friends and co-workers, though I’m not sure if they’ve been kidnapped either, that’s it.
Logging into CTU main frame…
R.O.B.E: You bastards!
The following takes place between Midnight and 1am on the day of the California Presidential Primary, which has nothing to do with what you are about to read what so ever!
12:00:00
Paul: Midnight, eh? Shouldn’t we be asleep?
Alex: Probably. But time has no relevance in where we travel or what we do anymore, so is it merely another hour of another day, or….
Captain: Er….Go to sleep you freak! You’re blabbering on about nothing, again!
12:00:11
B6B: 11 seconds? Some sort of a record!
Moe: Incoming transmission sir!
Captain: Go to sleep Moe!
B6B: Incoming transmission sir!
Captain: Put it on then!
Transmission: My name is Jack Beaver and today…
Ed: We don’t want your life story just tell us what the hell you want
Transmission: (looking at sheets of paper) Err….wife…..daughter….co-workers….terrorists….stamp collection….Oh, here we are….The Leader of the World Beaver Federation is dead….err….wait, no that’s next week….err, I mean…Aw crap!
Alex: What the hell!?!
Transmission: Yeah, so anyway an attempt has been made on the Leader of the World Beaver Federation’s life and I thought you’d know something about it!
Captain: You had better ask Paul, he usually deals with these matters.
Paul: Yeah! Deaths, attempted murders and email viruses, you know…just the usual!
Alex: So can we talk to the Leader of the WBF?
Transmission: No, he’s currently resting after the shock of it all! Or is he? Oh yeah, apparently he is!
Alex: Suspicious
Captain: Not really! So what are we supposed to do then, Mr. Beaver?
Transmission: How should I know! I’m just the message boy! I suppose a couple of you could come down here and take a look into what happened!
B6B: Don’t we have police for this sort of thing?
Ed: Yeah, but then we wouldn’t have anything to do would we? And thus cease to exist!
Paul: Cool!
Captain: You’re not going to have anything to do anyway! Seeing as we haven’t really taken part in a proper mission since we “died” I feel that me and Alex should take a pod and make our way to the WBF Headquarters alone!
Moe: What, so you can “die” again?
12:02:12
Michelle: Two minutes and already a serious lack of content?
R.O.B.E: I’ve had to live with a serious lack of content all my life, and it never hurt me!
Ed: Not on the outside!
Captain: R.O.B.E. get ready to launch a pod for me and Alex to escape in…I mean visit the WBF in.
12:13:01
R.O.B.E.: Pod is ready to launch!
Captain: Good, it only took you 10 minutes to do it!
Alex: Yeah, 10 minutes of my life ill never get back you bastard!
Alex And The Captain Proceed To Get In The Pod Which Incidentally Was Covered In A 2 Inch Layer Of Dust Through Lack Of Use…
Captain: Well, see you then!
Alex: In hell, perhaps?
Ed: Probably!
The Pod ejects and drifts off into space intact with John Doe 45 who was cleaning it at the time…Never to be seen again!
Moe: What are we going to do now?
Michelle: The same thing we did when we thought they were dead!
Ed: What...Nothing?
Paul: I just got the script for Hour 2, we can learn our lines for that if you like!
B6B: Hey, it says here that Michelle turns out to be a government agent bent on destruction, whilst Ed and Jane Doe 14 have a lured affair!
Ed: (grabbing Jane Doe 14) Let’s go!
12:20:57
Meanwhile in the pod…
Alex: So now that this is in real time it’s pretty boring, eh?
Captain: Looks like we’ll actually have to talk until something exciting happens!
Alex: So, did you notice John Doe 45 clinging onto the pod about a couple of minutes ago? He let go after a while…think he’s dead?
Captain: Probably!
Alex: So you remember when we “died”?
Captain: No
Alex: Maybe you need reminding!
Captain: Maybe! Or maybe it’s you who needs reminding!
Alex: Flashback then?
Flashback:
Captains Log Star Date 15.9: Its good to be back, yes it’s I your beloved captain, Justin. Some say I’ve been away too long (Alex) the other crew members unfortunately had a different view on the matter which has culminated into mutiny. That was last week, after the other crew members being forced to spend 7 days in the holodeck using a torture programme created by R.O.B.E. and somebody called Andy Black on earth several years ago. They now have changed they opinions and are overjoyed that Alex and I survived yet another near death experience…
Paul: I’m so glad you’re back Alex…and you whoever you are
B6B: So how did you two survive?
End of Flashback…
Alex: No, that was when we told the crew how we managed to return intact!
Captain: Oh, yeah! Better go back a bit further….
Flashback:
Alex: So we’re going to die yeah?
Captain: Yeah. Did you see the Simpsons last night?
Grim Reaper: That’s the least of your worries.
Alex: Oh my God! We’re there, this is it!
Captain: What?
Alex + Captain: Nooooooooo!
The Rocket Disappears Into The Black Hole Along With Alex And Justin…
End Of Flashback…
Alex: That's not right either, you fool! You want about two seconds after that!
Captain: Alright you bastard! If you think it’s really necessary! This is what really happened…
Flashback:
Justin: Where are we?
Alex: It looks like were drifting through space and time
Justin: Cool! So did you see the Simpsons last night then?
Alex: Shut up you fool! We have to try and find our way out of here
Justin: Its everyman for himself!
Justin Tries To Run Off But Cannot Move…he and Alex are sent travelling through time and into oblivion…
Justin: Where are we?
Alex: Stop saying that!
Justin: I didn’t say anything!
Alex: It looks like were drifting through space and time
Justin: What the hell! Didn’t you just say that?
Alex: What’s going on? Why is it just us two here, we need a calm calculative genius like R.O.B.E.
Justin: What? You have gone insane!
Alex: Pretty much
Captain: So are we never going to see the light of day again?
Alex: Obviously!
Captain: So its kind of boring with just us two here isn’t it
Alex: Something’s happening!
Captain: What?
Alex: Well, nothing…were doomed!
Alex And Justin Continue Floating Through Space And Time Until They Begin To See A Large Object, In The Distance…
Justin: What the hell is that?
Alex: Dunno, it kinda looks like our ship woohoo were home!
Alex And Justin Drift Into The Ship…
Justin: Hello? Hello? Were back woohoo!
Silence…
Alex: Where is everyone?
Captain: Steven, give me the status on our fuel efficiency
Steven: fuel? Efficiency?
Drake: We are currently operating at 94% sir
Dr. Ankran: You know that Justin and Alex? Don’t you hate them, I know I do!
Captain: Yep!
Steven: Yeah, bunch of freaks!
Justin: Freaks? Who the hell are they to call us that? And who is this Steven?
Alex: I dunno, but this isn’t our ship, we must have slipped into another dimension or time
Justin: Why cant they hear or see us?
Alex: Well I have about as much knowledge on the subject as you but I guess because we are caught up in the space time continuum, we are neither here nor there!
On Starship Beaverprise (present Day) (Still In Flashback)…
B6B: Did you really say that? You seem to know an awful lot on the subject
Alex: Yeah whatever, anyway…
Back To The Story…
Alex: We then left this ship and were thrown into the past which to us was the present I think it was around the time of the power cut you suffered (1 day before)
Alex: Woo! Were back!
Justin: Where?
Alex: The Starship Beaverprise you idiot!
Justin: I see…
Alex: I’m going to try and log into R.O.B.E. to see where the crew are
Logging Into R.O.B.E….Already Logged In You Fool…
Alex: It looks like they are on a mission at the moment trying to save some dying race
Justin: Save? Yeah right!
Alex: Seriously!
Justin: Oh…So they are doing okay without us, bastards!
Alex: Ed is currently the captain while you are away, wow they had a funeral for us, ill try and find the footage…
Alex Plays The Tape Of The Funeral…
Justin: What’s all that about chipmunks? Flashback? Who gave Paul the right to do that?
Alex: Well at least they could be bothered to go
Justin: Yeah but only Michelle and Paul! Paul!!!
Alex: Yeah, what a freak!
Justin: Look, there’s some email on here that’s been sent from someone back on Earth
Alex: Who?
Justin: Doesn’t say, just has the initials P.Y
Alex: Just send it to Paul, he loves all that crap
Justin: I think it has a virus embedded in it
Alex: Yeah just send it to Paul!
Justin: Okay!
Paul Walks Into The Room…
Alex: Paul’s here, quick hide!
Justin: Hide? He cant see us you fool!
Alex: Oh…look! The others are back!
As They (Alex And Justin) Are About To Communicate With The Others They Are Thrown Through Time Again…
Justin: Where are we now? Some strange and secluded planet? Some brilliant new future where we are kings among men?
Alex: No! were still on the ship! And shut up with that kings among men thing! Its never gonna happen!
Justin: A man can dream, a man can dream!
R.O.B.E.: Warning Futurama rip off in progress!
A Week Later…
Justin: So, they still haven’t realised we are here!
Alex: Doesn’t look like it does it!
A Massive Explosion Is Heard, All Electrical Appliances Switch Off…
In Alex’s Room…
Alex: Hey! What happened?
Justin: Dunno!
Later On…
R.O.B.E.: The powers back on!
Captain: R.O.B.E.’s back on, which must mean the powers back on!
A Flood Of Light Streams Down A Corridor…
Justin: Cool! The powers on!
Alex: Yeah you idiot I just switched it on from the mains! Some idiot had turned it off or something!
Justin: Legendary! Now lets take a moonlit walk down this corridor where there appears to be a whole host of people at the other end to mock without them knowing it!
Hushed Voices Are Heard From The Other End Of The Corridor:
Crew: Gasp!
Moe: It’s two silhouettes come back to kill us!
Justin: What!? They can see us!
Alex: Woohoo! Were back! Actually back!
Justin: But it makes no sense!
Alex: It must have been the explosion that caused our bodies to actually materialise in all their former glory!
Justin: Err yeah, but that happened ages ago! Why have we only just come back?
Alex: Oh forget it! It made sense when we wrote this about a year ago!
Justin: So, are we actually going to walk down the corridor then?
Alex: Lets go!
End of Flashback
Alex: Wow! That was really long!
Captain: Yeah, what time is it?
Alex: (looking at digital clock that keeps popping up at random times) Err…12:25:23!
Captain: So, you wana go to sleep for the rest of the journey?
Alex: Yeah, ill just put it on autopilot!
12:47:05
Alex: Woo! We’re finally here!
Captain: I thought you were asleep!
Alex: I never sleep! Mooowhahahahahaha!
Captain: Yeah, whatever! Let’s just get out of this stupid pod!
Alex: Yeah, we’re like two peas in….
Captain: Shut up, you fool!
They enter the WBF Headquarters, which is right next to earth….
Alex: Wouldn’t it have made more sense if this was situated on Earth?
Captain: Nah, that would be poor!
12:48:54
Alex: We’re running out of time, quick run!
Alex And The Captain Run Towards The Briefing Room…
Jack Beaver, Jr.: Hi! I assume you’re here about the Leader of the WBF!
Alex: Pretty much!
Captain: What happened to the original Jack Beaver?
Jack Beaver, Jr: Oh, him! He died during an attempt on the Leader of the WBF’s life only moments ago!
Captain: Here, I brought this!
Jack Beaver, Jr: Snakes and Ladders travel edition?
Captain: I hope it helps, it seemed appropriate at the time.
Jack Beaver, Jr: It eases the pain.
12:59:50
Jack Beaver, Jr: Dear God I’m going down a ladder!
Alex And Captain: Noooooooo!
12:59:57…12:59:58…12:59:59
01:00:00
