Previously on Beaverprise…
Calm Female Voice: R.O.B.E. has been intercepted by an illegal virus and may no longer function.
Jane Doe 14: But we cant get off the ship! We need R.O.B.E. for everything!
Jane Doe 14 Starts Pulling On the Transportation Areas Air Lock Trying To Force It Open…
The Pod Crash Lands Onto The Planet Dreyson 5 But Isn’t Damaged In Any Way…
B6B: We’re here!
Paul: Where?
B6B: The WBF!
Alex: No, we’re looking for that secret informant.
Bloke: Well we do have his black “family” around here somewhere, if you want to talk to them!
Ed, B6B And Paul Are Led To The Locked Room Where The Black “Family” Is Being Held…
Cloaked Figure #1: Mr Milham, sorry to interrupt you but we’re here to pull off an A* kidnapping!
WBF Leader: Carry On!
The WBF Leader Looses Consciousness, is bundled in the sack and taken away with the Cloaked Figures as They Escape Out the Window…
The following takes place between 3am and 4am on the day of the California Presidential Primary, which has nothing to do with what you are about to read what so ever!
03:00:00
In The Next Room…
B6B: What’s happening next door? A kidnapping?
Bloke Bursts Into The Room…
Bloke: The WBF leader has been kidnapped!
Stereotypical Black Wife: Who?
Bloke: Your husband of 11 years!
Stereotypical Black Wife: Oh, that freak!
Ed: When did this happen?
Bloke: Dunno, how should I know? A few minutes ago?
B6B: So, your saying you kidnapped him!
Bloke: Yes, if by kidnapped you mean loved forever!
Stereotypical Black Wife: What? You freak! I warned you about this!
Paul: So what happened?
Bloke: Jack Beaver,Jr. said he saw two cloaked figures running off with a rather full sack!
Paul: Ah, wow! Santa Clause and Mrs. Christmas! The childish tales are true!
Ed: There’s nothing childish about them!
Stereotypical Black Son: Damn it! I’ll kill whoever’s kidnapped our father, then ill kill our father for letting it happen!
Stereotypical Black Wife: Now, son, remember what you were told in therapy!
Stereotypical Black Son: Son? I have a name, mum! And don’t you forget it!
Stereotypical Black Wife: Name? Yeah, good one!
B6B: Shut up you freaks! Next you’ll be boring us with tales of Star Wars!
Ed: Nah, that’s Alex, the bastard! Always boring us with tales of legendary films that we all know and love!
Paul: Err, yeah! So are we going to have a look at the WBF Leader’s room to see what we can find? You know, like clues or something!
B6B: Or to search through his computer to see if he has had any sordid affairs with anyone!
Stereotypical Black Wife: No need, he’s had three!
Stereotypical Black Son: Yeah I followed him around for months killing everyone of them after their lurid affairs ended.
03:06:52
Captain: So it’s a recording of his son, yeah?
Alex: What? No you freak! It’s the secret informant’s, not-so-secret hideout or whatever!
Captain: So it’s “or whatever” now, instead of “or something” is it?
Alex: Look, lets just concentrate on the stuff other people will find funny.
Captain: So, we should go into this hideout place and kill that informant?
Alex: Or talk to him…first at least!
The Door Opens…
Informant: What sort of a freak stands out side somebody’s door like that? What do you want?
Alex: You have something we need.
Informant: Weed? I don’t sell drugs anymore kid
Captain: No, information you fool!
Informant: Information? What makes you think I’ve got any?
Alex: We come on behalf of Jack Beaver, deceased.
Informant: Deceased? What’s this crazy talk!? You had better come in!
03:10:17
Meanwhile On The Starship Beaverprise…
Moe: Will you stop trying to get that bloody door open!
Jane Doe 14: Why? What the hell else am I supposed to do with you freaks just sitting there!?!
Robert: The tension’s mounting on the Starship Beaverprise.
Moe: What? Shut up you insane freak!
Jane Doe 14 continues to attempt forcing the titanium steel reinforced air-lock door open, when suddenly it bursts open!
Moe + Robert + Jane Doe 14: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Zip Finnigan: Yeesss!
Jane Doe 14 falls into his arms.
Zip Finnigan: If it isn’t the luscious Jane Doe 14! So unique in so many ways!
Moe: What the hell? Shouldn’t we be dead?
Robert: Technically, yes! What happened?
Zip Finnigan: I saw your ship stranded in space, and wondered why all of the lights were out!
Moe: So you just wanted to see Michelle, yeah?
Zip Finnigan: Where is the divine dish I call my own?
Jane Doe 14: The soup of the day? How should we know!
Zip Finnigan: No, Michelle!
Robert: She’s been…(Dramatic Pause) kidnapped!
Zip Reacts To The News…
Moe: What a poor way to convey human emotion!
Robert: Hang on! So how come we’re alive?
Zip Finnigan: Oh yeah, that! With my masterful skill of docking, I docked my ship, the Zipper Express, into your docking bay. I tried to get the door open, but failed. I was downcast! Never before had I failed at such a mediocre task! But then I managed to push it open with only the thoughts in my head!
Jane Doe 14: Err…Actually I think I got it open, seeing as I was trying for ages!
Zip Finnigan: Err, yes! If you like! Either way is good! We must have used our combined forces at the exact same time, thus ensuring your safety.
Moe: So what now?
Zip Finnigan: I think we’d better save the fair maiden, Michelle! Come aboard my ship and we shall begin our epic quest. It is what she would have wanted!
03:17:19
On An Uncharted Planet…
Michelle: Wow this is so great! I’m having the time of my life!
John Doe 46: Why are you the one who gets pampered and me who gets thrown in a pit with rats?
Michelle: It’s the way God intended it!
John Doe 46: Bastard!
03:20:06
Meanwhile On Dreyson 5…
Informant: Now?
Captain: Yeah, we’re on live now!
Informant: Cool! So…
Alex: You were telling us some important information…
Informant: The attempt on the so called WBF leaders life is only the beginning, the attempt on your lives and probably mine will be next, I have some contacts who have given me a list of places where the WBF leader has contact with, there are three Orgs that are involved
Captain: Orgs? What are they? Some kind of alien life form?
Informant: No, Organisations! I.R.S, MIB and the…WBF!
Alex: My God! It goes right to the white house!
Informant: Err…yeah!
Captain: So, everyone’s involved, even you!
Informant: Maybe!
The Informant Gives The List Of places In Which Alex And The Captain Have To Travel To, All Of Which Are Close By On The Legendary Planet Dreyson 5!
03:29:51
Alex: So we should go to this one….
Captain: Hang on, we’re receiving a transmission! It’s from the WBF!
Transmission: Seasons greetings! It’s your dear friend Ed here!
Alex: What are you so happy about?
Captain: And to a lesser extent, why are you at the WBF? What have you done with the ship?
Transmission: Happy? I’m not happy. I have terrible news! The WBF Leader has been kidnapped!
Captain: So good news!
Alex: No, he’s been kidnapped!
Captain: Oh, I thought he said that he hadn’t been kidnapped!
Alex: You fool!
Transmission: I travelled with B6B and Paul to find you at the WBF, as I have even more terrible news!
Alex: Paul’s still alive then?
Transmission: Unfortunately he is, but Michelle and John Doe 46 were kidnapped, by none other than Bill Clinton himself!
Captain: John Doe 46? Noooooooooooooooo!
Alex: So why didn’t you just contact us from the ship, like you’re doing now?
There is a long silence…
Transmission: So yeah, anyway, did I mention that the WBF Leader is actually Mr. Milham?
Alex + Captain: Gasp!
Transmission: Yeah I was pretty surprised he wasn’t black too! So…….you……hang……beaver……pornographic………aargghhhh! (Massive Explosion)
Alex: You’re breaking up! What the hell’s happening?
Captain: Let’s find out…
03:37:19
At The WBF…
B6B: Dear God nooooo! It’s a battle royale!
Paul: Look! There’s a load of school kids killing each other!
Ed: What are you looking at?
Paul: The TV!
Ed: So what’s that happening outside?
They look out of the window as a massive battle rages….
Paul: It’s the battle for Milham’s Deep!
WBF Guard #1: On the third day at dawn, look to the East!
WBF Guard #2: I don’t see anything! Ah crap!
WBF Guard #3: So, the aftermath of this kidnapping has turned out worse than the kidnapping itself!
WBF Guard #1: Depends which way you look at it!
WBF Guard #2: I’m looking at it from the East, and it doesn’t look good to me!
The Battle Rages On Outside As 1000’s Die Pointless Deaths, The WBF Guards Manage To Hold Off The Clone Army, but…for how long?
WBF Guard #3: Woo we killed them all!
The WBF Guard (#3) Looks Around At The Tens Of 1000s Of Dead Bodies As Both The Clone Army And The WBF Forces Have Been Wiped Out (Except Him)…
WBF Guard #3: Why? Why? Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?….I mean, No! No! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
He breaks down onto the floor screaming, as his gun falls to the floor, shooting him right between the eyes.
WBF Guard #3: Such a pointless, yet hilarious death….
03:56:22
On The Zipper Express Ship…
Zip Finnigan: Welcome to my Zipper, I will now formally introduce you to my young protégée Kif he tends to all of my needs!
Moe: What a freak!
Kif: Oh dear!
Moe: So, where’s the rest of your crew?
Zip Finnigan: It was mutiny! They abandoned the ship before the mission had even started leaving behind their most valuable possession…me!
Kif: Where’s Robert?
Robert Runs Into The Room…
Robert: (gasp) I made pop tarts!
Moe: What?
Robert: I mean, Jane Doe 14 is dead!
Zip Finnigan: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
03:59:57…03:59:58…03:59:59
04:00:00
Calm Female Voice: R.O.B.E. has been intercepted by an illegal virus and may no longer function.
Jane Doe 14: But we cant get off the ship! We need R.O.B.E. for everything!
Jane Doe 14 Starts Pulling On the Transportation Areas Air Lock Trying To Force It Open…
The Pod Crash Lands Onto The Planet Dreyson 5 But Isn’t Damaged In Any Way…
B6B: We’re here!
Paul: Where?
B6B: The WBF!
Alex: No, we’re looking for that secret informant.
Bloke: Well we do have his black “family” around here somewhere, if you want to talk to them!
Ed, B6B And Paul Are Led To The Locked Room Where The Black “Family” Is Being Held…
Cloaked Figure #1: Mr Milham, sorry to interrupt you but we’re here to pull off an A* kidnapping!
WBF Leader: Carry On!
The WBF Leader Looses Consciousness, is bundled in the sack and taken away with the Cloaked Figures as They Escape Out the Window…
The following takes place between 3am and 4am on the day of the California Presidential Primary, which has nothing to do with what you are about to read what so ever!
03:00:00
In The Next Room…
B6B: What’s happening next door? A kidnapping?
Bloke Bursts Into The Room…
Bloke: The WBF leader has been kidnapped!
Stereotypical Black Wife: Who?
Bloke: Your husband of 11 years!
Stereotypical Black Wife: Oh, that freak!
Ed: When did this happen?
Bloke: Dunno, how should I know? A few minutes ago?
B6B: So, your saying you kidnapped him!
Bloke: Yes, if by kidnapped you mean loved forever!
Stereotypical Black Wife: What? You freak! I warned you about this!
Paul: So what happened?
Bloke: Jack Beaver,Jr. said he saw two cloaked figures running off with a rather full sack!
Paul: Ah, wow! Santa Clause and Mrs. Christmas! The childish tales are true!
Ed: There’s nothing childish about them!
Stereotypical Black Son: Damn it! I’ll kill whoever’s kidnapped our father, then ill kill our father for letting it happen!
Stereotypical Black Wife: Now, son, remember what you were told in therapy!
Stereotypical Black Son: Son? I have a name, mum! And don’t you forget it!
Stereotypical Black Wife: Name? Yeah, good one!
B6B: Shut up you freaks! Next you’ll be boring us with tales of Star Wars!
Ed: Nah, that’s Alex, the bastard! Always boring us with tales of legendary films that we all know and love!
Paul: Err, yeah! So are we going to have a look at the WBF Leader’s room to see what we can find? You know, like clues or something!
B6B: Or to search through his computer to see if he has had any sordid affairs with anyone!
Stereotypical Black Wife: No need, he’s had three!
Stereotypical Black Son: Yeah I followed him around for months killing everyone of them after their lurid affairs ended.
03:06:52
Captain: So it’s a recording of his son, yeah?
Alex: What? No you freak! It’s the secret informant’s, not-so-secret hideout or whatever!
Captain: So it’s “or whatever” now, instead of “or something” is it?
Alex: Look, lets just concentrate on the stuff other people will find funny.
Captain: So, we should go into this hideout place and kill that informant?
Alex: Or talk to him…first at least!
The Door Opens…
Informant: What sort of a freak stands out side somebody’s door like that? What do you want?
Alex: You have something we need.
Informant: Weed? I don’t sell drugs anymore kid
Captain: No, information you fool!
Informant: Information? What makes you think I’ve got any?
Alex: We come on behalf of Jack Beaver, deceased.
Informant: Deceased? What’s this crazy talk!? You had better come in!
03:10:17
Meanwhile On The Starship Beaverprise…
Moe: Will you stop trying to get that bloody door open!
Jane Doe 14: Why? What the hell else am I supposed to do with you freaks just sitting there!?!
Robert: The tension’s mounting on the Starship Beaverprise.
Moe: What? Shut up you insane freak!
Jane Doe 14 continues to attempt forcing the titanium steel reinforced air-lock door open, when suddenly it bursts open!
Moe + Robert + Jane Doe 14: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Zip Finnigan: Yeesss!
Jane Doe 14 falls into his arms.
Zip Finnigan: If it isn’t the luscious Jane Doe 14! So unique in so many ways!
Moe: What the hell? Shouldn’t we be dead?
Robert: Technically, yes! What happened?
Zip Finnigan: I saw your ship stranded in space, and wondered why all of the lights were out!
Moe: So you just wanted to see Michelle, yeah?
Zip Finnigan: Where is the divine dish I call my own?
Jane Doe 14: The soup of the day? How should we know!
Zip Finnigan: No, Michelle!
Robert: She’s been…(Dramatic Pause) kidnapped!
Zip Reacts To The News…
Moe: What a poor way to convey human emotion!
Robert: Hang on! So how come we’re alive?
Zip Finnigan: Oh yeah, that! With my masterful skill of docking, I docked my ship, the Zipper Express, into your docking bay. I tried to get the door open, but failed. I was downcast! Never before had I failed at such a mediocre task! But then I managed to push it open with only the thoughts in my head!
Jane Doe 14: Err…Actually I think I got it open, seeing as I was trying for ages!
Zip Finnigan: Err, yes! If you like! Either way is good! We must have used our combined forces at the exact same time, thus ensuring your safety.
Moe: So what now?
Zip Finnigan: I think we’d better save the fair maiden, Michelle! Come aboard my ship and we shall begin our epic quest. It is what she would have wanted!
03:17:19
On An Uncharted Planet…
Michelle: Wow this is so great! I’m having the time of my life!
John Doe 46: Why are you the one who gets pampered and me who gets thrown in a pit with rats?
Michelle: It’s the way God intended it!
John Doe 46: Bastard!
03:20:06
Meanwhile On Dreyson 5…
Informant: Now?
Captain: Yeah, we’re on live now!
Informant: Cool! So…
Alex: You were telling us some important information…
Informant: The attempt on the so called WBF leaders life is only the beginning, the attempt on your lives and probably mine will be next, I have some contacts who have given me a list of places where the WBF leader has contact with, there are three Orgs that are involved
Captain: Orgs? What are they? Some kind of alien life form?
Informant: No, Organisations! I.R.S, MIB and the…WBF!
Alex: My God! It goes right to the white house!
Informant: Err…yeah!
Captain: So, everyone’s involved, even you!
Informant: Maybe!
The Informant Gives The List Of places In Which Alex And The Captain Have To Travel To, All Of Which Are Close By On The Legendary Planet Dreyson 5!
03:29:51
Alex: So we should go to this one….
Captain: Hang on, we’re receiving a transmission! It’s from the WBF!
Transmission: Seasons greetings! It’s your dear friend Ed here!
Alex: What are you so happy about?
Captain: And to a lesser extent, why are you at the WBF? What have you done with the ship?
Transmission: Happy? I’m not happy. I have terrible news! The WBF Leader has been kidnapped!
Captain: So good news!
Alex: No, he’s been kidnapped!
Captain: Oh, I thought he said that he hadn’t been kidnapped!
Alex: You fool!
Transmission: I travelled with B6B and Paul to find you at the WBF, as I have even more terrible news!
Alex: Paul’s still alive then?
Transmission: Unfortunately he is, but Michelle and John Doe 46 were kidnapped, by none other than Bill Clinton himself!
Captain: John Doe 46? Noooooooooooooooo!
Alex: So why didn’t you just contact us from the ship, like you’re doing now?
There is a long silence…
Transmission: So yeah, anyway, did I mention that the WBF Leader is actually Mr. Milham?
Alex + Captain: Gasp!
Transmission: Yeah I was pretty surprised he wasn’t black too! So…….you……hang……beaver……pornographic………aargghhhh! (Massive Explosion)
Alex: You’re breaking up! What the hell’s happening?
Captain: Let’s find out…
03:37:19
At The WBF…
B6B: Dear God nooooo! It’s a battle royale!
Paul: Look! There’s a load of school kids killing each other!
Ed: What are you looking at?
Paul: The TV!
Ed: So what’s that happening outside?
They look out of the window as a massive battle rages….
Paul: It’s the battle for Milham’s Deep!
WBF Guard #1: On the third day at dawn, look to the East!
WBF Guard #2: I don’t see anything! Ah crap!
WBF Guard #3: So, the aftermath of this kidnapping has turned out worse than the kidnapping itself!
WBF Guard #1: Depends which way you look at it!
WBF Guard #2: I’m looking at it from the East, and it doesn’t look good to me!
The Battle Rages On Outside As 1000’s Die Pointless Deaths, The WBF Guards Manage To Hold Off The Clone Army, but…for how long?
WBF Guard #3: Woo we killed them all!
The WBF Guard (#3) Looks Around At The Tens Of 1000s Of Dead Bodies As Both The Clone Army And The WBF Forces Have Been Wiped Out (Except Him)…
WBF Guard #3: Why? Why? Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?….I mean, No! No! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
He breaks down onto the floor screaming, as his gun falls to the floor, shooting him right between the eyes.
WBF Guard #3: Such a pointless, yet hilarious death….
03:56:22
On The Zipper Express Ship…
Zip Finnigan: Welcome to my Zipper, I will now formally introduce you to my young protégée Kif he tends to all of my needs!
Moe: What a freak!
Kif: Oh dear!
Moe: So, where’s the rest of your crew?
Zip Finnigan: It was mutiny! They abandoned the ship before the mission had even started leaving behind their most valuable possession…me!
Kif: Where’s Robert?
Robert Runs Into The Room…
Robert: (gasp) I made pop tarts!
Moe: What?
Robert: I mean, Jane Doe 14 is dead!
Zip Finnigan: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
03:59:57…03:59:58…03:59:59
04:00:00
