Episode 10-The Voyage Home
A Shough-Gilmour Production
Written By: Alex Gilmour
Based on the Concept Created By: Justin Shough
Additional Material: Justin Shough
Logging into R.O.B.E…Beverages and tempting snack treats are available in the foyer.
Captains Log Star Date 10.1: We have been travelling back to Earth for quite some time now, in order to inform the parents of the deceased crew members of the details surrounding their deaths. Our orders came straight from the High Lord of the World Beaver Federation and he wants this mission completed as soon as possible, so that we can continue on our way. Before we had received this information, however, we ran into Boba Muffett, who insisted upon taking Michelle with him to Mars, so that he could find the rare Bounty chocolate bars they have there! Yes, I thought it was a lame joke too! But as we are going to Earth he has decided just to tag along in his ship, Slave Two, and will accompany us as far as Mars.
B6B: Captain. We’re just passing the Planet of Yarnellia!
Captain: Where?
Mr. Yarnell: Er…Would you mind dropping me off here?
Captain: Why?
Mr Yarnell: Err I live here!
Captain: Okay transport him down to the planet B6B!
Alex: Yarnellia eh? That means we’re almost in our home galaxy!
Paul: Who cares…I mean wahey!
R.O.B.E: I’ve got a bad feeling about this!
B6B: Why has this become a Star Wars spoof? I thought we were supposed to be a Star Trek rip-off!
Ed: I think it’s more like that film, Galaxy Quest!
Captain: Well actually I did steal some jokes from that for earlier episodes, luckily whoever reads this didn’t realise!
Alex: It’s all stolen, isn’t it?
Captain: Yeah, pretty much! Dont tell anyone though right!
R.O.B.E: According to my data banks precisely 4,945 conversations we’ve had have gone unfinished, or been interrupted! Meaning, that in time we….
Captain: Did you hear on the news there have been all these Martian bombers in London? Just imagine if there was one in Norwich!
Paul: You do say the strangest of things, well we all do I guess!
B6B: Captain! Boba Muffett is hailing us!
Captain: Who’s tailgating us?
B6B: Hailing sir, Boba Muffet
Captain: On screen!
Boba: Captain, we’ve almost made it to Mars! Do you think I could come aboard and get provisions for my surely exciting adventure on the red planet?
Captain: No, sorry! We can’t allow it!
Boba: Why not? Ed and B6B are there, can’t I come too?
Alex: No! You’re not a regular character and we kinda don’t need you for this episode anyway, so the less we see of you the better really!
Boba: Fine, well I’m going to Mars to find these Bountys now. Does anyone want to come?
Captain: Nah!
Alex: Nope!
Michelle: No way!
B6B: Not really!
Moe: Well…No!
Paul: I would if I could!
Ed: See you in hell!
Boba: Fine!
Boba Muffett flicks off screen, hopefully not to be seen again in this episode unless we can think of some more jokes, which is unlikely.
B6B: We’re closing in on Earth, Captain!
Captain: Where? Oh right Earth…
Captains Log Star Date 10.2: We have managed to get rid of Boba Muffett and have now proceeded to orbit Earth. This planet seems all too familiar to me, almost as if I’ve been here before. Have I? Or is this just another one of my twisted dreams? Only time will tell.
Alex: What are we here for again?
Captain: Destroy mankind or something...oh wait no, something to do with death, I think!
R.O.B.E: Same thing then? Captain, I request to beam down to Earth with the rest of the crew! It gets kinda lonely up here on my own.
Captain: Well okay, I don’t trust you here on your own, very well! B6B get that homosexual looking gold robot we put R.O.B.E. into during those horrible Clone Wars!
B6B: Mmm Homosexual…I mean yes sir!
In the transporter room:
Captain: Are we all here?
Alex: I think so!
Captain: Beam us down Watty!
Watty: What? Why the hell am I here?
Ed: Don’t ask us! Why are any of us here?
Alex: You shouldn’t be here really! You don’t fit in! despite the fact that R.O.B.E. is here! Anyway we’ll kill you when we get back!
On Earth:
Captain: Right, did we all beam down in one piece?
B6B: Yeah right...I mean yeah!
Alex: Yeah, I’m here, you’re here, B6B’s here and so are: Ed, Paul, Moe, John Doe 36, John Doe 37, Michelle and R.O.B.E!
Captain: So where are all the millions of people to welcome us home from our daring mission?
Alex: Hey, you!
A kid walking past stops and turns towards the crew…
Alex: What day is this?
Kid: Why today, sir? Today is Christmas Day!
Alex: Christmas? It’s not Christmas you fool! It’s Summer! Why is there no crowd to welcome us home?
Kid: Well, who the hell are you?
Captain: We’re the crew of the legendary Starship Beaverprise! Did no one watch the launch of our ship last year?
Kid: Launch? Last yeah? No!
Captain: It was on all 20 terrestrial channels!
Kid: No one watches them anymore! We were mindlessly watching repeats of the Queen Mother’s funeral on the R.I.P. Network! It featured extra footage from beyond the grave!
Captain: Cool! Here’s the plan! Me and Alex here will go and see the parents of the deceased. The rest of you can do whatever the hell you like! Oh and Alex kill that funny but annoying kid, but before you do ask him if he recorded the Queen mothers funeral...could be mildly humerous.
B6B: We can do whatever the hell we like, can we go and see our parents?
Captain: Sure!
Alex: Yeah, and once we’ve done with the deceased we could do that too!
Captain: Er…Yeah, maybe! Anyway let’s go!
The Captain and Alex walk off in the direction of the Beaverson house hold...
B6B: So are we gonna go see our parents or what?
Paul: I don’t know who my parents were! I was an orphan!
Ed: I’m a hologram, and as such don’t have any parents!
Moe: No one’s really interested in me, so there’s no point going to see mine!
R.O.B.E: I have a creator! I’m going to go see him!
At the Beaverson house:
Captain: Hello! I’m the Captain of the Starship Beaverprise, Justin. Which of course means that your son is no longer captain and so is dead!
Mrs. Beaverson: Huh?
Alex: Er…what he means is that your son died giving his life for the rest of the crew! Some may say he was a brave man, I however do not…
Spencer Beaverson: He’s dead?
Captain: Yes, we’re very sorry!
Mrs. Beaverson: Woo! Why are you sorry? We hated him! We only sent him into space to get rid of him!
Spencer Beaverson: I feel a burden has been lifted from my shoulders! We always dreaded the day when he would return home, but now that day will never come!
Captain: Hey aren’t you dead?
Spencer Beaverson: Apparently so!
Alex: It’s ok, this was written ages before Episode 8, seeing as I have nothing better to do! It’s hardly important, I mean nothing makes sense anyway!
Captain: Shut up, yeah it does!
Alex: We’re glad you’re taking your son’s death so well! Although technically your taking your own death even better!
In the corner of the room a small fluffy dog sits and cries...
Somewhere very near by:
R.O.B.E: This is where my creator lives! Or at least works, what the hell is that howling noise?
R.O.B.E. walks into the building. A chair is positioned next to a desk. As he walks in the chair swivels round, revealing a robot that looks exactly like him...
Look-a-like R.O.B.E: Hello! My name is David…I mean, R.O.B.E!
R.O.B.E: What? Noooo! I’m David! Er…R.O.B.E!
R.O.B.E. picks up a lamp from the desk and smashes the robot’s head off. It lands on the floor in millions of pieces. R.O.B.E. falls to floor. If he wasn’t a machine and had any feelings what-so-ever he would have cried!
Creator: Pinocchio is that you?
R.O.B.E: No, it’s me, R.O.B.E!
Creator: R.O.B.E? My God! You were my first creation! The most flawed and twisted thing I ever created! Have you come back to kill me?
R.O.B.E: No! But now that you mention it that is a good idea!
Creator: Thank God! Wait a minute…what did you just say? No, don’t do it! Leave me alone! R.O.B.E. nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Not so far away:
Alex: Hey this is my house! Let’s go see my parents!
Captain: K!
Mr. Ruomlig: Son! Where have you been? We almost got worried!
Alex: I’ve been flying around space as a doctor in the Starship Beaverprise!
Mrs. Ruomlig: The what? Your not a doctor! you could have told us!
Alex: I must have forgotten! Anyway I’m here now! Miss me?
Mr. Ruomlig: Well we didn’t realise you’d gone, so not really! Though we did think it was awful quiet around here!
Alex: Ok then! Well we’re going back in a minute so I haven’t really got time to talk to you! See you soon!
Mr & Mrs. Ruomlig: Bye! See you at tea time!
Alex: Come on let’s go see your parents!
Captain: Err…Well you see, the thing is….
Alex: What?
Captain: Well…
The Captain grabs a man and a woman as they walk past...
Captain: These are my parents!
He prods them in turn!
Woman: Er…Julie!
Captain: And…
Man: Harry!
Alex: They don’t really look anything like you!
Captain: Well maybe I’m sort of a genetic freak
Alex: That explains it! Where’ve we got to go now?
Captain: Rosemary’s parent’s house!
The Captain tosses Julie and Harry aside and he and Alex walk off. They finally make it to Rosemary’s house...
Rosemary’s Dad: Yes, what do you want?
Captain: Grandpa? I mean, we’re here to inform you that you daughter is dead!
Rosemary’s Dad: I know!
Alex: Er….you do?
Rosemary’s Dad: Yeah, she died just over a year ago. She wanted to join this crazy space mission and I told her she couldn’t go! Then she mysteriously disappeared. Anyway I haven’t heard from her since, so I just assumed she was dead!
Captain: Ok then! Well we’re sorry to have brought it all up again!
Rosemary’s Dad: Not at all! Why you remind me of me when I was your age!
Captain: Er…Yes! Quite! Well goodbye!
Rosemary’s Dad: Goodbye!
Alex: Strange! Rosemary must have been about 60! So how old was that guy?
Captain: How the hell should I know? Its not like they are my family, leave me alone!
At the John Doe residence:
John Doe 36: Hi! We’re here to see our parents!
Jane Doe 8: I’m afraid our parents are dead!
John Doe 37: Dead? But how?
Jane Doe 8: Our mother died giving birth to me and our father died shortly after of a heart attack, when he learned that he would have to take care of us all on his own!
John Doe 36: Noooooooooooooo! Why did this happen? Why?
John Doe 36 pulls out his phaser and shoots himself!
John Doe 37: My God, nooooooo! My father, mother and brother are all dead! And you’re my sister? Why? My life isn’t worth living!
He grabs the phaser from John Doe 36’s charred remains and shoots himself too!
Jane Doe 8: O well…
The phaser somehow fires another shot, hitting Jane Doe 8!
Jane Doe 8: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
At the beam-up point:
Captain: Well that was fun!
Alex: Err Yeah...wasn’t it just.
B6B: It was great to see my parents again! One’s a beaver and the other is a human female!
Paul: How the hell does that work?
B6B: You’d be surprised!
R.O.B.E: So that was a pretty crap trip to Earth then!
Captain: Yup!
Alex: Can we get the hell out of here? I’d forgotten how much I hate Earth!
Moe: Yeah, why else would we have agreed to this suicide mission?
Captain: Are we all here?
Alex: All except John Doe 36 and John Doe 37!
Captain: Maybe they found something on Earth that we failed to discover and decided to stay! Beam us up Watty!
In the Transporter Room...
Alex: Nice work Watty!
Watty: Thanks…noooo! Aaarrgghhhhhh!
Alex shoots Watty, as he promised!
On the Bridge:
Captain: Set co-ordinates for the Glacian Quadrant!
B6B: Er, sir! They are two ships intercepting us, they appear to be people of the law!
R.O.B.E: Yeah, that would be my fault! I suggest you hide this gold robot and get the hell out of here!
Captain: Jump to hyperspeed!
B6B: It’s done!
Captain: What the hell have you been up to?
R.O.B.E: Nothing! Just put me back into the computer, I think I’m safer there!
B6B: Captain! We’re receiving a transmission from the High Lord of the World Beaver Federation!
Captain: On screen!
The High Lord of the World Beaver Federation appears on screen, cloaked in shadows to forever hide his identity. Maybe one day we will found out who he is! But not in this episode, because we’re running out of time!
High Lord: Good day to you Captain!
Captain: Hi Lord!
Alex: Oh, the humour!
High Lord: Yes! I see you have completed your mission. It gives me great honour to thank you for your trouble and wish you good luck on the perilous missions ahead of you!
Captain: Thanks!
High Lord: Let us hope that you don’t run into any more trouble, eh? A-hahahahahahaaaaa!
Ed: Are you drunk?
High Lord: No, but I soon will be!
The High Lord flicks off screen...
B6B: Captain, another ship has appeared on our scanners. It appears to be Boba Muffett’s Slave Two! He’s hailing us sir!
Captain: Very well! On screen!
Boba Muffett: Woo! I’ve just had the greatest adventure of all time! I ran into all kinds of Martians and Mysterons and I managed to find the lost Bounty chocolate bars! You should have been there it was the best!
Captain: Well we weren’t! Maybe one day an account of what happened to you will be written!
Alex: Not very likely!
Boba Muffett: Well maybe if you gave me my own spin-off series or something!
Alex: Nah!
Boba Muffett: I could write it if you like! Or maybe I could just tell you now! We’ve got time haven’t we?
Alex: Not really, no!
Boba Muffett: Damn you! What do I have to do to become a regular in this legendary series that I love so much!?!
Alex: Sorry, Boba! We grew tired of you around the start of this episode! Maybe when we need you again we could write you in!
Captain: Yeah, now stop following us and leave us alone!
Boba Muffett: Oh well! I guess I’ll have to eat this chocolate on my own! Good bye!
Captain: chocolate? Oh well bye, bye!
Captains Log Star Date 10.3: It seems that our mission was successful! The High Lord of the World Beaver Federation was proud of our work, although I feel we did more harm than good! B6B seems to be the only one that really enjoyed the trip back to Earth, but who wouldn’t for the site of a human and beaver together! We also managed to get rid of Boba Muffett, who has rapidly become rather annoying! R.O.B.E’s brief brush with the law will go unexplained to the rest of the crew, as will my attempts to cover the fact that Rosemary was my father! And so our adventures continue. Who knows what troubles we will encounter next? Only time will tell.
Logging out of R.O.B.E….Please file out in an orderly and well-mannered fashion.
A Shough-Gilmour Production
Written By: Alex Gilmour
Based on the Concept Created By: Justin Shough
Additional Material: Justin Shough
Logging into R.O.B.E…Beverages and tempting snack treats are available in the foyer.
Captains Log Star Date 10.1: We have been travelling back to Earth for quite some time now, in order to inform the parents of the deceased crew members of the details surrounding their deaths. Our orders came straight from the High Lord of the World Beaver Federation and he wants this mission completed as soon as possible, so that we can continue on our way. Before we had received this information, however, we ran into Boba Muffett, who insisted upon taking Michelle with him to Mars, so that he could find the rare Bounty chocolate bars they have there! Yes, I thought it was a lame joke too! But as we are going to Earth he has decided just to tag along in his ship, Slave Two, and will accompany us as far as Mars.
B6B: Captain. We’re just passing the Planet of Yarnellia!
Captain: Where?
Mr. Yarnell: Er…Would you mind dropping me off here?
Captain: Why?
Mr Yarnell: Err I live here!
Captain: Okay transport him down to the planet B6B!
Alex: Yarnellia eh? That means we’re almost in our home galaxy!
Paul: Who cares…I mean wahey!
R.O.B.E: I’ve got a bad feeling about this!
B6B: Why has this become a Star Wars spoof? I thought we were supposed to be a Star Trek rip-off!
Ed: I think it’s more like that film, Galaxy Quest!
Captain: Well actually I did steal some jokes from that for earlier episodes, luckily whoever reads this didn’t realise!
Alex: It’s all stolen, isn’t it?
Captain: Yeah, pretty much! Dont tell anyone though right!
R.O.B.E: According to my data banks precisely 4,945 conversations we’ve had have gone unfinished, or been interrupted! Meaning, that in time we….
Captain: Did you hear on the news there have been all these Martian bombers in London? Just imagine if there was one in Norwich!
Paul: You do say the strangest of things, well we all do I guess!
B6B: Captain! Boba Muffett is hailing us!
Captain: Who’s tailgating us?
B6B: Hailing sir, Boba Muffet
Captain: On screen!
Boba: Captain, we’ve almost made it to Mars! Do you think I could come aboard and get provisions for my surely exciting adventure on the red planet?
Captain: No, sorry! We can’t allow it!
Boba: Why not? Ed and B6B are there, can’t I come too?
Alex: No! You’re not a regular character and we kinda don’t need you for this episode anyway, so the less we see of you the better really!
Boba: Fine, well I’m going to Mars to find these Bountys now. Does anyone want to come?
Captain: Nah!
Alex: Nope!
Michelle: No way!
B6B: Not really!
Moe: Well…No!
Paul: I would if I could!
Ed: See you in hell!
Boba: Fine!
Boba Muffett flicks off screen, hopefully not to be seen again in this episode unless we can think of some more jokes, which is unlikely.
B6B: We’re closing in on Earth, Captain!
Captain: Where? Oh right Earth…
Captains Log Star Date 10.2: We have managed to get rid of Boba Muffett and have now proceeded to orbit Earth. This planet seems all too familiar to me, almost as if I’ve been here before. Have I? Or is this just another one of my twisted dreams? Only time will tell.
Alex: What are we here for again?
Captain: Destroy mankind or something...oh wait no, something to do with death, I think!
R.O.B.E: Same thing then? Captain, I request to beam down to Earth with the rest of the crew! It gets kinda lonely up here on my own.
Captain: Well okay, I don’t trust you here on your own, very well! B6B get that homosexual looking gold robot we put R.O.B.E. into during those horrible Clone Wars!
B6B: Mmm Homosexual…I mean yes sir!
In the transporter room:
Captain: Are we all here?
Alex: I think so!
Captain: Beam us down Watty!
Watty: What? Why the hell am I here?
Ed: Don’t ask us! Why are any of us here?
Alex: You shouldn’t be here really! You don’t fit in! despite the fact that R.O.B.E. is here! Anyway we’ll kill you when we get back!
On Earth:
Captain: Right, did we all beam down in one piece?
B6B: Yeah right...I mean yeah!
Alex: Yeah, I’m here, you’re here, B6B’s here and so are: Ed, Paul, Moe, John Doe 36, John Doe 37, Michelle and R.O.B.E!
Captain: So where are all the millions of people to welcome us home from our daring mission?
Alex: Hey, you!
A kid walking past stops and turns towards the crew…
Alex: What day is this?
Kid: Why today, sir? Today is Christmas Day!
Alex: Christmas? It’s not Christmas you fool! It’s Summer! Why is there no crowd to welcome us home?
Kid: Well, who the hell are you?
Captain: We’re the crew of the legendary Starship Beaverprise! Did no one watch the launch of our ship last year?
Kid: Launch? Last yeah? No!
Captain: It was on all 20 terrestrial channels!
Kid: No one watches them anymore! We were mindlessly watching repeats of the Queen Mother’s funeral on the R.I.P. Network! It featured extra footage from beyond the grave!
Captain: Cool! Here’s the plan! Me and Alex here will go and see the parents of the deceased. The rest of you can do whatever the hell you like! Oh and Alex kill that funny but annoying kid, but before you do ask him if he recorded the Queen mothers funeral...could be mildly humerous.
B6B: We can do whatever the hell we like, can we go and see our parents?
Captain: Sure!
Alex: Yeah, and once we’ve done with the deceased we could do that too!
Captain: Er…Yeah, maybe! Anyway let’s go!
The Captain and Alex walk off in the direction of the Beaverson house hold...
B6B: So are we gonna go see our parents or what?
Paul: I don’t know who my parents were! I was an orphan!
Ed: I’m a hologram, and as such don’t have any parents!
Moe: No one’s really interested in me, so there’s no point going to see mine!
R.O.B.E: I have a creator! I’m going to go see him!
At the Beaverson house:
Captain: Hello! I’m the Captain of the Starship Beaverprise, Justin. Which of course means that your son is no longer captain and so is dead!
Mrs. Beaverson: Huh?
Alex: Er…what he means is that your son died giving his life for the rest of the crew! Some may say he was a brave man, I however do not…
Spencer Beaverson: He’s dead?
Captain: Yes, we’re very sorry!
Mrs. Beaverson: Woo! Why are you sorry? We hated him! We only sent him into space to get rid of him!
Spencer Beaverson: I feel a burden has been lifted from my shoulders! We always dreaded the day when he would return home, but now that day will never come!
Captain: Hey aren’t you dead?
Spencer Beaverson: Apparently so!
Alex: It’s ok, this was written ages before Episode 8, seeing as I have nothing better to do! It’s hardly important, I mean nothing makes sense anyway!
Captain: Shut up, yeah it does!
Alex: We’re glad you’re taking your son’s death so well! Although technically your taking your own death even better!
In the corner of the room a small fluffy dog sits and cries...
Somewhere very near by:
R.O.B.E: This is where my creator lives! Or at least works, what the hell is that howling noise?
R.O.B.E. walks into the building. A chair is positioned next to a desk. As he walks in the chair swivels round, revealing a robot that looks exactly like him...
Look-a-like R.O.B.E: Hello! My name is David…I mean, R.O.B.E!
R.O.B.E: What? Noooo! I’m David! Er…R.O.B.E!
R.O.B.E. picks up a lamp from the desk and smashes the robot’s head off. It lands on the floor in millions of pieces. R.O.B.E. falls to floor. If he wasn’t a machine and had any feelings what-so-ever he would have cried!
Creator: Pinocchio is that you?
R.O.B.E: No, it’s me, R.O.B.E!
Creator: R.O.B.E? My God! You were my first creation! The most flawed and twisted thing I ever created! Have you come back to kill me?
R.O.B.E: No! But now that you mention it that is a good idea!
Creator: Thank God! Wait a minute…what did you just say? No, don’t do it! Leave me alone! R.O.B.E. nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Not so far away:
Alex: Hey this is my house! Let’s go see my parents!
Captain: K!
Mr. Ruomlig: Son! Where have you been? We almost got worried!
Alex: I’ve been flying around space as a doctor in the Starship Beaverprise!
Mrs. Ruomlig: The what? Your not a doctor! you could have told us!
Alex: I must have forgotten! Anyway I’m here now! Miss me?
Mr. Ruomlig: Well we didn’t realise you’d gone, so not really! Though we did think it was awful quiet around here!
Alex: Ok then! Well we’re going back in a minute so I haven’t really got time to talk to you! See you soon!
Mr & Mrs. Ruomlig: Bye! See you at tea time!
Alex: Come on let’s go see your parents!
Captain: Err…Well you see, the thing is….
Alex: What?
Captain: Well…
The Captain grabs a man and a woman as they walk past...
Captain: These are my parents!
He prods them in turn!
Woman: Er…Julie!
Captain: And…
Man: Harry!
Alex: They don’t really look anything like you!
Captain: Well maybe I’m sort of a genetic freak
Alex: That explains it! Where’ve we got to go now?
Captain: Rosemary’s parent’s house!
The Captain tosses Julie and Harry aside and he and Alex walk off. They finally make it to Rosemary’s house...
Rosemary’s Dad: Yes, what do you want?
Captain: Grandpa? I mean, we’re here to inform you that you daughter is dead!
Rosemary’s Dad: I know!
Alex: Er….you do?
Rosemary’s Dad: Yeah, she died just over a year ago. She wanted to join this crazy space mission and I told her she couldn’t go! Then she mysteriously disappeared. Anyway I haven’t heard from her since, so I just assumed she was dead!
Captain: Ok then! Well we’re sorry to have brought it all up again!
Rosemary’s Dad: Not at all! Why you remind me of me when I was your age!
Captain: Er…Yes! Quite! Well goodbye!
Rosemary’s Dad: Goodbye!
Alex: Strange! Rosemary must have been about 60! So how old was that guy?
Captain: How the hell should I know? Its not like they are my family, leave me alone!
At the John Doe residence:
John Doe 36: Hi! We’re here to see our parents!
Jane Doe 8: I’m afraid our parents are dead!
John Doe 37: Dead? But how?
Jane Doe 8: Our mother died giving birth to me and our father died shortly after of a heart attack, when he learned that he would have to take care of us all on his own!
John Doe 36: Noooooooooooooo! Why did this happen? Why?
John Doe 36 pulls out his phaser and shoots himself!
John Doe 37: My God, nooooooo! My father, mother and brother are all dead! And you’re my sister? Why? My life isn’t worth living!
He grabs the phaser from John Doe 36’s charred remains and shoots himself too!
Jane Doe 8: O well…
The phaser somehow fires another shot, hitting Jane Doe 8!
Jane Doe 8: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
At the beam-up point:
Captain: Well that was fun!
Alex: Err Yeah...wasn’t it just.
B6B: It was great to see my parents again! One’s a beaver and the other is a human female!
Paul: How the hell does that work?
B6B: You’d be surprised!
R.O.B.E: So that was a pretty crap trip to Earth then!
Captain: Yup!
Alex: Can we get the hell out of here? I’d forgotten how much I hate Earth!
Moe: Yeah, why else would we have agreed to this suicide mission?
Captain: Are we all here?
Alex: All except John Doe 36 and John Doe 37!
Captain: Maybe they found something on Earth that we failed to discover and decided to stay! Beam us up Watty!
In the Transporter Room...
Alex: Nice work Watty!
Watty: Thanks…noooo! Aaarrgghhhhhh!
Alex shoots Watty, as he promised!
On the Bridge:
Captain: Set co-ordinates for the Glacian Quadrant!
B6B: Er, sir! They are two ships intercepting us, they appear to be people of the law!
R.O.B.E: Yeah, that would be my fault! I suggest you hide this gold robot and get the hell out of here!
Captain: Jump to hyperspeed!
B6B: It’s done!
Captain: What the hell have you been up to?
R.O.B.E: Nothing! Just put me back into the computer, I think I’m safer there!
B6B: Captain! We’re receiving a transmission from the High Lord of the World Beaver Federation!
Captain: On screen!
The High Lord of the World Beaver Federation appears on screen, cloaked in shadows to forever hide his identity. Maybe one day we will found out who he is! But not in this episode, because we’re running out of time!
High Lord: Good day to you Captain!
Captain: Hi Lord!
Alex: Oh, the humour!
High Lord: Yes! I see you have completed your mission. It gives me great honour to thank you for your trouble and wish you good luck on the perilous missions ahead of you!
Captain: Thanks!
High Lord: Let us hope that you don’t run into any more trouble, eh? A-hahahahahahaaaaa!
Ed: Are you drunk?
High Lord: No, but I soon will be!
The High Lord flicks off screen...
B6B: Captain, another ship has appeared on our scanners. It appears to be Boba Muffett’s Slave Two! He’s hailing us sir!
Captain: Very well! On screen!
Boba Muffett: Woo! I’ve just had the greatest adventure of all time! I ran into all kinds of Martians and Mysterons and I managed to find the lost Bounty chocolate bars! You should have been there it was the best!
Captain: Well we weren’t! Maybe one day an account of what happened to you will be written!
Alex: Not very likely!
Boba Muffett: Well maybe if you gave me my own spin-off series or something!
Alex: Nah!
Boba Muffett: I could write it if you like! Or maybe I could just tell you now! We’ve got time haven’t we?
Alex: Not really, no!
Boba Muffett: Damn you! What do I have to do to become a regular in this legendary series that I love so much!?!
Alex: Sorry, Boba! We grew tired of you around the start of this episode! Maybe when we need you again we could write you in!
Captain: Yeah, now stop following us and leave us alone!
Boba Muffett: Oh well! I guess I’ll have to eat this chocolate on my own! Good bye!
Captain: chocolate? Oh well bye, bye!
Captains Log Star Date 10.3: It seems that our mission was successful! The High Lord of the World Beaver Federation was proud of our work, although I feel we did more harm than good! B6B seems to be the only one that really enjoyed the trip back to Earth, but who wouldn’t for the site of a human and beaver together! We also managed to get rid of Boba Muffett, who has rapidly become rather annoying! R.O.B.E’s brief brush with the law will go unexplained to the rest of the crew, as will my attempts to cover the fact that Rosemary was my father! And so our adventures continue. Who knows what troubles we will encounter next? Only time will tell.
Logging out of R.O.B.E….Please file out in an orderly and well-mannered fashion.
