Previously on Beaverprise…
Michelle
Michelle: So are you going to let me go then?
Michelle grabs the mug of coffee and throws it on Boba Muffett’s forbidden zone.
Michelle is running for her life.
Alex: It’s Michelle naked!
Captain and Alex
Captain: So, do you think we’ve been tricked?
Alex: How the hell do you know that?
Captain: Let’s go and kill that damn dirty informant and his dirty family!
Captain: We’ve got to ring Ed!
Phone: I’m afraid your friend has been involved in a terrorist kidnapping!
Alex: Come out you freak! We know you’re in there!
The Informant shoots himself in the head.
Bloke: And just in time for a transmission from Ed’s kidnapper!
Transmission: No, it is I…BEAVERSON!
The following takes place between 9am and 10am. Events occur in unreal time.
09:00:00
Jack Beaver, Jr: Oh my God! Who?
Captain: Beaverson, the infamous principal captain of the Starship Beaverprise.
Alex: The last we heard of him was some crap with him, R.O.B.E. and a troll!
Transmission: And here is that troll…My lovely wife, Rosemary!
Captain: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Bloke: Aaaarggghhhhh! That hideous face!
Alex: You’ll get used to it!
The Stereotypical Black “Family” walk into the room…
Stereotypical Black Wife: Oh my God! A troll!
Captain: Who the hell are these freaks?
Stereotypical Black Son: Well who the fuck are you?
Bloke: This is the WBF leader’s Stereotypical Black “Family” and these are two people from the Starship Beaverprise!
Alex: Beaverprise, eh? Suspicious!
Captain: No, that’s us you fool!
Stereotypical Black Son: Yeah, we ain’t no beavers!
Stereotypical Pet Beaver: Speak for yourself!
Captain: Yeah, but you’re black aren’t you, you bastard!
Transmission: Err…Are you still listening to me? I’ve got some demands to make…Some sexual demands!
Stereotypical Black Daughter: Nooooooo!
Rosemary leans over to Beaverson and whispers in his ear.
Transmission: No, wait…Just demands!
Stereotypical Black Son: Wait! I recognise you!
Transmission: Yeah, you’re the one that helped us escape earlier today! Cheers buddy!
Stereotypical Black Son: You bastards! I’m innocent I tell you!
Stereotypical Black Wife: So it’s true! I always knew you were the Stereotypical Black Sheep of the family. My worst fears have been realised!
Captain: Stop having a Stereotypical Black Argument and let’s get on with this charade!
Alex: Charades? Woo! Let’s go! Me first!
Alex starts jumping around!
Jack Beaver, Jr: Psycho?
Alex: Yeah! How did you guess?
Transmission: Because you’re a freak! Fucking Psycho!
Alex: Ed? Is that you?
Transmission: Yes, that was the one you call “Ed”. We are holding him to ransom, along with the Stereotypical WBF Leader. You must hand over the contract to the universe or your friends will be no more!
Jack Beaver, Jr: I’m faxing it over to you now!
Captain: What we can’t do that!
Alex: Yeah they don’t have faxing capabilities!
Captain: No, we can’t let the universe fall into the hands of beavers…I mean, Pure Evil!
Stereotypical Black Wife: But we can’t let my husband and one of my lovers die!
Alex: Lovers?
09:15:07
Michelle is running towards the local docks.
Michelle: The docks look so beautiful at this time of the morning!
Hobo (Not Nick): Aren’t you supposed to be running away from those freaks over there?
Michelle: Oh my God! They’ve found me! Those freaks in that crappy Boba Mobile!
Hobo: Quick run! Save yourself!
As Michelle runs off the Hobo throws himself in front of the Boba Mobile.
Hobo: Oh my God! I’ve been insanely crippled from my neck down, but I’m still alive! What a cruel twist of fate!
Boba Muffett: This always happens when I let you drive!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Sorry!
Voice Over: Stay tuned to BBC3 for the legendary Pure 24. Text or phone in your comments on who’s body you think has been dragged out of the water, or else! Oh fuck…
Hobo: Wha?
Boba Muffett: Well that just ruined my enjoyment of this particular episode!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Yeah, why is that Hobo still hanging onto the car?
09:22:59
On the Zipper Express, entering the atmosphere of Palmer 2…
Moe: Finally!
B6B: Yeah we’ve just arrived on Palmer 2, Boba Muffett’s planet.
Moe: No, the pancakes are ready!
Paul: Woo! Bonus!
The Zipper Express lands…
Zip Finnigan: According to my map Boba Muffett’s hideout, Sandman Sand Inc., should be right around this corner!
Kif: How convenient!
Zip Finnigan: Now let us go inside and find the titillating beauty that is Michelle!
B6B: Yeah, that Kim is nice! Oh right, Michelle…
Max Baxter: It appears to be deserted!
They enter the building…
Kif: Look, someone’s spilt some coffee!
Paul: It looks like someone’s spilt something else too!
B6B: Yeah, some sugar, that must have been meant for the coffee!
Zip Finnigan: So…Michelle wasn’t sweet enough for them, eh?
Moe: So there’s no one here then?
Paul: Looks like that. But I can still smell evil!
B6B: No that’s just the coffee, Paul!
Max Baxter: Or is it? Mooowhahahahahaha!
Moe: Yeah, just the coffee, you fool!
Zip Finnigan: I wonder where the real evil is!
B6B: What Alex?
09:27:32
Boba Muffett: Where did she go?
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (not-so-gruff voice) I don’t know! Hey, these Tunes really did the trick!
Boba Muffett: Yes, but for how long?
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Not very!
Boba Muffett: Stay observant! We’ve got to track the bitch down.
Michelle runs straight out in front of them.
Boba Muffett: Oh she’s nice! Looks a lot like Michelle too!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) You think? Nah, her hair’s different!
Boba Muffett: Wait! It was her! Step on it!
Michelle runs towards the water in slow motion and dives into the deep abyss that is the sea. Complete with David Hasselhoff watching from afar!
David Hasselhoff: Nice ass! Though it could have been in slower motion!
Boba Muffett and Monica Lewinski Masked Person fire shots into the water after her. She doesn’t resurface.
09:33:23
At Sandman Sand Inc.
Zip Finnigan: This bloke is twisted! He has all sorts of pictures of Michelle!
Paul: His taste in art is somewhat controversial.
B6B: It’s just bits of skin that have been stuck to the walls!
Paul: Fine! It’s modern art then!
Max Baxter: I think we should get out of here now, before it’s too late!
Moe: Too late for what?
Max Baxter: For something bad to happen!
Moe: So you’re evil then?
Max Baxter: Yeah! It’s true, it’s all true!
Zip Finnigan: How can this be true, Maxy boy?
Max Baxter: I dunno, they just told me I was evil this morning! It’s as much of a shock to me as it is you! And that freak staring at us!
Zip Finnigan: Err…I meant in the show!
Max Baxter: Oh crap, yeah! Err…I think I was brainwashed or something! It’s hardly important! I’m afraid I’m going to have to tie you up! You know too much!
Zip Finnigan: No you bastard!
Max Baxter pulls out a gun. Zip tries to grab it off him.
Kif: Nooooooooooooooooo!
Zip is shot in the arm. His eyes start to fill up, as he tries not to show his pain.
Zip Finnigan: Whimper!
B6B: You freak! Look what you’ve done!
Max Baxter: Shut up or I’ll shoot you all!
Max Baxter ties B6B, Paul, Moe and Kif up, whilst leaving Zip for dead.
Max Baxter: See you in hell!
He runs off, never to be seen again…Seriously, I don’t think he’s in it anymore!
09:44:59
At the WBF…
Captain: So what are we going to do?
Transmission: You could just give me the universe!
Bloke: What? I thought we’d hung up on you ages ago!
Transmission: Oh sorry!
The transmission ends.
Alex: So to sum up…I’ve got an evil hair on my thumb and I’m not really sure what we should do next!
Stereotypical Black Son: Well you’re no good are you, you freak!
Alex: Well what do you suggest?
Stereotypical Black Son: Let’s kill them, like I killed so many before them!
Stereotypical Black Butler: Your drinks have arrived!
Stereotypical Black Wife: Thanks!
Captain: We’re going to have to save them!
Alex: Well obviously!
09:48:33
At the docks, which are beautiful at this time in the morning…
Life Guard: Yeah, that’s right we just pulled the twisted remains of some freak out of the water!
Woman: What the hell are you talking about?
Life Guard: I received some phone call a few minutes ago saying that a body had been seen floating in the water. So I grabbed my trusty net and came out to find that dead body!
Woman: Err…I’m not really interested. I’m just trying to get past you, so I can get to work on time.
Life Guard: Oh…Would you like to see my collection of fossils? It’s very interesting you know! Hello? Hello? Wait, come back!
Boba Muffett: What’s happened?
Life Guard: Well when things die their bodies become fossilised and…
Boba Muffett: No you freak! I want to know about the body!
Life Guard: Oh, err…yeah! I just pulled it out of the water! Looks like a young woman.
Boba Muffett: How do you know? It’s just the twisted remains of somebody!
Life Guard: I always know!
Boba Muffett: Yeah so we were shooting into the water and were wondering if we’d killed anyone!
Life Guard: Wonder no more!
The Life Guard turns the body over revealing it to be…
Boba Muffett: Michelle? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) But we were shooting at her, surely we wanted her to die?
Boba Muffett: Shut up! Noooooooooooooooooooo!
09:59:57…09:59:58…09:59:59
10:00:00
Michelle
Michelle: So are you going to let me go then?
Michelle grabs the mug of coffee and throws it on Boba Muffett’s forbidden zone.
Michelle is running for her life.
Alex: It’s Michelle naked!
Captain and Alex
Captain: So, do you think we’ve been tricked?
Alex: How the hell do you know that?
Captain: Let’s go and kill that damn dirty informant and his dirty family!
Captain: We’ve got to ring Ed!
Phone: I’m afraid your friend has been involved in a terrorist kidnapping!
Alex: Come out you freak! We know you’re in there!
The Informant shoots himself in the head.
Bloke: And just in time for a transmission from Ed’s kidnapper!
Transmission: No, it is I…BEAVERSON!
The following takes place between 9am and 10am. Events occur in unreal time.
09:00:00
Jack Beaver, Jr: Oh my God! Who?
Captain: Beaverson, the infamous principal captain of the Starship Beaverprise.
Alex: The last we heard of him was some crap with him, R.O.B.E. and a troll!
Transmission: And here is that troll…My lovely wife, Rosemary!
Captain: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Bloke: Aaaarggghhhhh! That hideous face!
Alex: You’ll get used to it!
The Stereotypical Black “Family” walk into the room…
Stereotypical Black Wife: Oh my God! A troll!
Captain: Who the hell are these freaks?
Stereotypical Black Son: Well who the fuck are you?
Bloke: This is the WBF leader’s Stereotypical Black “Family” and these are two people from the Starship Beaverprise!
Alex: Beaverprise, eh? Suspicious!
Captain: No, that’s us you fool!
Stereotypical Black Son: Yeah, we ain’t no beavers!
Stereotypical Pet Beaver: Speak for yourself!
Captain: Yeah, but you’re black aren’t you, you bastard!
Transmission: Err…Are you still listening to me? I’ve got some demands to make…Some sexual demands!
Stereotypical Black Daughter: Nooooooo!
Rosemary leans over to Beaverson and whispers in his ear.
Transmission: No, wait…Just demands!
Stereotypical Black Son: Wait! I recognise you!
Transmission: Yeah, you’re the one that helped us escape earlier today! Cheers buddy!
Stereotypical Black Son: You bastards! I’m innocent I tell you!
Stereotypical Black Wife: So it’s true! I always knew you were the Stereotypical Black Sheep of the family. My worst fears have been realised!
Captain: Stop having a Stereotypical Black Argument and let’s get on with this charade!
Alex: Charades? Woo! Let’s go! Me first!
Alex starts jumping around!
Jack Beaver, Jr: Psycho?
Alex: Yeah! How did you guess?
Transmission: Because you’re a freak! Fucking Psycho!
Alex: Ed? Is that you?
Transmission: Yes, that was the one you call “Ed”. We are holding him to ransom, along with the Stereotypical WBF Leader. You must hand over the contract to the universe or your friends will be no more!
Jack Beaver, Jr: I’m faxing it over to you now!
Captain: What we can’t do that!
Alex: Yeah they don’t have faxing capabilities!
Captain: No, we can’t let the universe fall into the hands of beavers…I mean, Pure Evil!
Stereotypical Black Wife: But we can’t let my husband and one of my lovers die!
Alex: Lovers?
09:15:07
Michelle is running towards the local docks.
Michelle: The docks look so beautiful at this time of the morning!
Hobo (Not Nick): Aren’t you supposed to be running away from those freaks over there?
Michelle: Oh my God! They’ve found me! Those freaks in that crappy Boba Mobile!
Hobo: Quick run! Save yourself!
As Michelle runs off the Hobo throws himself in front of the Boba Mobile.
Hobo: Oh my God! I’ve been insanely crippled from my neck down, but I’m still alive! What a cruel twist of fate!
Boba Muffett: This always happens when I let you drive!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Sorry!
Voice Over: Stay tuned to BBC3 for the legendary Pure 24. Text or phone in your comments on who’s body you think has been dragged out of the water, or else! Oh fuck…
Hobo: Wha?
Boba Muffett: Well that just ruined my enjoyment of this particular episode!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Yeah, why is that Hobo still hanging onto the car?
09:22:59
On the Zipper Express, entering the atmosphere of Palmer 2…
Moe: Finally!
B6B: Yeah we’ve just arrived on Palmer 2, Boba Muffett’s planet.
Moe: No, the pancakes are ready!
Paul: Woo! Bonus!
The Zipper Express lands…
Zip Finnigan: According to my map Boba Muffett’s hideout, Sandman Sand Inc., should be right around this corner!
Kif: How convenient!
Zip Finnigan: Now let us go inside and find the titillating beauty that is Michelle!
B6B: Yeah, that Kim is nice! Oh right, Michelle…
Max Baxter: It appears to be deserted!
They enter the building…
Kif: Look, someone’s spilt some coffee!
Paul: It looks like someone’s spilt something else too!
B6B: Yeah, some sugar, that must have been meant for the coffee!
Zip Finnigan: So…Michelle wasn’t sweet enough for them, eh?
Moe: So there’s no one here then?
Paul: Looks like that. But I can still smell evil!
B6B: No that’s just the coffee, Paul!
Max Baxter: Or is it? Mooowhahahahahaha!
Moe: Yeah, just the coffee, you fool!
Zip Finnigan: I wonder where the real evil is!
B6B: What Alex?
09:27:32
Boba Muffett: Where did she go?
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (not-so-gruff voice) I don’t know! Hey, these Tunes really did the trick!
Boba Muffett: Yes, but for how long?
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Not very!
Boba Muffett: Stay observant! We’ve got to track the bitch down.
Michelle runs straight out in front of them.
Boba Muffett: Oh she’s nice! Looks a lot like Michelle too!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) You think? Nah, her hair’s different!
Boba Muffett: Wait! It was her! Step on it!
Michelle runs towards the water in slow motion and dives into the deep abyss that is the sea. Complete with David Hasselhoff watching from afar!
David Hasselhoff: Nice ass! Though it could have been in slower motion!
Boba Muffett and Monica Lewinski Masked Person fire shots into the water after her. She doesn’t resurface.
09:33:23
At Sandman Sand Inc.
Zip Finnigan: This bloke is twisted! He has all sorts of pictures of Michelle!
Paul: His taste in art is somewhat controversial.
B6B: It’s just bits of skin that have been stuck to the walls!
Paul: Fine! It’s modern art then!
Max Baxter: I think we should get out of here now, before it’s too late!
Moe: Too late for what?
Max Baxter: For something bad to happen!
Moe: So you’re evil then?
Max Baxter: Yeah! It’s true, it’s all true!
Zip Finnigan: How can this be true, Maxy boy?
Max Baxter: I dunno, they just told me I was evil this morning! It’s as much of a shock to me as it is you! And that freak staring at us!
Zip Finnigan: Err…I meant in the show!
Max Baxter: Oh crap, yeah! Err…I think I was brainwashed or something! It’s hardly important! I’m afraid I’m going to have to tie you up! You know too much!
Zip Finnigan: No you bastard!
Max Baxter pulls out a gun. Zip tries to grab it off him.
Kif: Nooooooooooooooooo!
Zip is shot in the arm. His eyes start to fill up, as he tries not to show his pain.
Zip Finnigan: Whimper!
B6B: You freak! Look what you’ve done!
Max Baxter: Shut up or I’ll shoot you all!
Max Baxter ties B6B, Paul, Moe and Kif up, whilst leaving Zip for dead.
Max Baxter: See you in hell!
He runs off, never to be seen again…Seriously, I don’t think he’s in it anymore!
09:44:59
At the WBF…
Captain: So what are we going to do?
Transmission: You could just give me the universe!
Bloke: What? I thought we’d hung up on you ages ago!
Transmission: Oh sorry!
The transmission ends.
Alex: So to sum up…I’ve got an evil hair on my thumb and I’m not really sure what we should do next!
Stereotypical Black Son: Well you’re no good are you, you freak!
Alex: Well what do you suggest?
Stereotypical Black Son: Let’s kill them, like I killed so many before them!
Stereotypical Black Butler: Your drinks have arrived!
Stereotypical Black Wife: Thanks!
Captain: We’re going to have to save them!
Alex: Well obviously!
09:48:33
At the docks, which are beautiful at this time in the morning…
Life Guard: Yeah, that’s right we just pulled the twisted remains of some freak out of the water!
Woman: What the hell are you talking about?
Life Guard: I received some phone call a few minutes ago saying that a body had been seen floating in the water. So I grabbed my trusty net and came out to find that dead body!
Woman: Err…I’m not really interested. I’m just trying to get past you, so I can get to work on time.
Life Guard: Oh…Would you like to see my collection of fossils? It’s very interesting you know! Hello? Hello? Wait, come back!
Boba Muffett: What’s happened?
Life Guard: Well when things die their bodies become fossilised and…
Boba Muffett: No you freak! I want to know about the body!
Life Guard: Oh, err…yeah! I just pulled it out of the water! Looks like a young woman.
Boba Muffett: How do you know? It’s just the twisted remains of somebody!
Life Guard: I always know!
Boba Muffett: Yeah so we were shooting into the water and were wondering if we’d killed anyone!
Life Guard: Wonder no more!
The Life Guard turns the body over revealing it to be…
Boba Muffett: Michelle? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) But we were shooting at her, surely we wanted her to die?
Boba Muffett: Shut up! Noooooooooooooooooooo!
09:59:57…09:59:58…09:59:59
10:00:00
