Episode 15-Fredrico Strikes Again!
A Shough-Gilmour Production
Written By: Justin Shough And Alex Gilmour
Original Idea: Justin Shough And Alex Gilmour
Logging Into R.O.B.E….For The Last Time Ever!…Nah, Just Kidding!
Captains Log Star Date 15.1: What am I going to write?…is what I would have said several weeks ago, What am I going to write next…is also what I would have said several weeks ago…but not now! Not now that I run the Emmy Award winning Starship Beaverprise!
R.O.B.E.: Captain’s Log Data has become corrupt. Rebooting system sever
Captain: Nooooooo!
B6B: Years of research lost forever!
R.O.B.E.: Years of porn research lost forever!
Moe: What? You’ve wiped the whole system?
R.O.B.E.: I haven’t, but something has!
Moe: No, its never you is it!
Captain: Has anyone received any emails in the past 24 hours?
Moe: I received some email from some freak saying something irrelevant!
Robert: Yeah, sorry that was from me. I didn’t mean to cause you any harm!
Moe: Bit late for that now isn’t it!
Paul: I received one a moment ago, it was a love letter with some attachment enclosed. I just couldn’t resist!
B6B: You fool!
Paul: But I only wanted true love!
Moe: Why didn’t you just send for a mail order bride?
Paul: I did, but Ed married her
Michelle Runs Out Of The Room Manically Laughing…
Captain: Love? You don’t even have any friends!
Paul: Don’t I? Don’t I?
Captain: No! You don’t!
Paul: Well, I did try to solve that problem by going on Friends Reunited, but it turns out you actually have some friends to begin with…to be reunited with!
B6B: So, you didn’t get any replies then?
Paul: Well, just one from an escaped mental patient called Stevo!
Captain: Well, at least this so called virus is contained in the ship, for now
Paul: Err… actually I just sent it to the World Beaver Federation as we were talking
Mean While AT The World Beaver Federation HQ…
Tom Hanks: You’ve got mail!
Bloke: Love letter? Wow! Can you feel the love in this room?
He Clicks To Open The Attachment…
Bloke: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
The Computer blows Up In His Face, As Every Other Computer And Electrical Appliance In The WBF And The Rest Of The Known Universe Is Systematically destroyed, this includes John Doe 43’s Pacemaker And The Newly Rebuilt Starship Neaverskise with its fully robotic workforce…
The Rest of The Episode Will Be Conducted In Darkness, With Data Being Recorded Using Ancient Papyrus…
Back On The Starship Beaverprise…
John Coffee (Not Like The Drink): Who turned out all the lights?
Andrew: Yeah, I was trying to sleep!
B6B: Why the hell do you need the lights on to sleep?
Andrew: ZZZZzzzzz
Paul: Stop saying Z!
Andrew: Sorry!
Andrew Actually Falls Asleep…
Moe: Err…can we get some lights in here please?
He (Moe) Walks Over To The Light Switch And Starts To Flick It On And Off…
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
2 Hours Later…
On.
Off.
On.
Off
Moe: I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but I cant get the lights to work! Hey! Where did you get those candles from?
B6B: These candles were brought to you by Candles Incorporated
Michelle: Shouldn’t R.O.B.E. have said that?
Captain: Yeah, where is R.O.B.E.?
Paul: He must have gone off when every other electrical appliance in the universe went off
Captain: Yes, it seems as we have lost all our power!
Moe: We’ve lost all our power? Then how come we’re still alive? Surely the oxygen supply filters must be non-existent?
Captain: Quiet MR Moe we have no time for these trivial matters!
Moe: But…
Captain: I said quiet!
Moe: Bastards!
B6B: So, what about R.O.B.E.?
Ronnie Corbett: Here I am!
Captain: What? You freak!
Paul: Awww I’ve missed you!
Paul Pats The Dwarf Like C List Celebrity Star On The Head…
Michelle: We need to generate power some how to get R.O.B.E. back online
Captain: Shouldn’t be hard, he runs on 1 Watt!
B6B: Ha!
John Doe 44: Hey, what about that convenient bike in the corner of the room?
Captain: This is no time for alternative means of transportation, infidel!
Michelle: Yeah, anyway what good would a bike do?
John Doe 44: Well, it conveniently seems to be hooked up to a generator which is even more conveniently hooked up to R.O.B.E. So in theory…and this is only in theory, if I could peddle fast enough to generate some power we could get him back online!
John Doe 44 Gets On The Bike And Starts Peddling Faster Than His Legs Can Carry Him…
R.O.B.E. Gradually Comes Back Online, With Bolts Of Lightening, Flashes Of Light And Among Other Things Electrical Surges…
John Doe 44: He’s Alive! Alive! Mwahahahahahha!
R.O.B.E.: Less talk, more peddle
Moe: My God he’s insane!
Michelle: John Doe or R.O.B.E.?
Captain: Ha!
B6B: Sorry I should have said that! But I also must say this… Sir I’m detecting a warp in the space-time continuum!
There’s A Massive Flash Of Light…
Ed: Destroy the WBF employee, go to planet Wargon 4 for for gloriously tasting food or face a lifetime imprisonment on Beta 7 or even worse…Earth! (gloriously tasting food is probably less important)
Paul: Earth? Nooooo!
Another Flash Of Light…
B6B: What was that?
Captain: Dunno! Maybe something I ate
Moe: Or something to do with R.O.B.E. coming back online?
Captain: Yes, that would make more sense
B6B: Sir there’s a WBF ship coming into the vicinity
Captain: Shields up, fire at will!
Paul: Will who?
B6B: Err captain, the WBF are on our side!
Captain: What are you waiting for then? Christmas? Beam them aboard!
A Man From The WBF Beams Aboard…
Man from the WBF: As you may or may not know, the WBF has recently become the subject of a possible terrorist attack
Paul: Ah wow! Are you going to ask us loads of questions?
Man from the WBF: Nah, cos I know it was you!
Paul: Ah go on! We’ve only got onto our 7th side of A4 paper
Man from the WBF: Our?
2 Months Later…
A Crash Of Bones To The Floor Is Heard…
Captain: What was that?
B6B: Just the WBF employee collapsing again. Prop him up will you Paul?
Paul: Okay, but why are there just bones?
Michelle: Oh he died of starvation about a month ago
Enter Sir Wellington Of Wellingtonshire…
Moe: Who?
Oh For Gods Sake Its Wellie, Just Wellie!
Wellie: Cool, bones!
Bones: Doctor here!
Paul: Where?
B6B: Shut up!
R.O.B.E.: Who is in this?
Moe: What?
R.O.B.E.: I think my power is training…I mean draining
John Doe 44: I’ve got cramp in my neck, my legs feel a bit weird…could someone just check they’re okay for me will you?
Captain: Err…yeah, they’re fine!
After Two Months Of Solid Peddling John Doe 44’s Legs Have Worn Away To The Bones. Though Still Peddling Furiously He Is No Longer Creating Enough Power To Run R.O.B.E…
R.O.B.E.: Damn His Inferior Legs!
Wellie Runs Over To John Doe 44 And Grabs One Of His Bare Leg Bones, subsequently Getting Caught Up In The Spokes Of The Bike Wheel, Thrusting John Doe 44 Up Into The Air And Straight Into A Boiling Vat Of Acid
Paul: This looks like a case for Beaver-Man!!
Captain: Who?
Paul: You know, Beaver-Man and Jeeves!
The Crew Throw Paul Into The Vat Of Acid…
Paul: Noooooooo!
By A Cruel Twist Of Fate Paul Survived With All His Vital Organs Intact, Except From His Brain Which Was Turned To A Pile Of Mush, Though It May Have Been A Pile Of Mush Originally…
Moe: I don’t mean to ruin any jokes, but where the hell did that vat of acid come from?
B6B: It Was Personally Delivered By Fredrico Black, the infamous brother of Andy Black…the torturer extraordinaire
Paul: Yeah, so… where did it come from?
B6B: Yeah, so…shut up!
The Crew Throw Paul Into The Acid Again…
Paul: AAAaaaaaargh master tricks us, master hurts us, master wants our precious!
Peter Jackson: This scene didn’t make it into the final cut of The Two Towers, mainly because it detracted from my original vision.
Captain: More scenes like this can be found on the trilogy special edition box set, available to own for Stevo, soon.
Moe: Sorry about this but I don’t understand why people keep coming back from the dead
R.O.B.E.: The powers back on!
Captain: R.O.B.E.’s back on, which must mean the powers back on!
A Flood Of Light Streams Down A Corridor…
Paul: Dear God! My retinas! They’re exploding!
Two Silhouettes Walk Towards The Bridge Of The Ship…
Crew: Gasp!
Moe: It’s two silhouettes come back to kill us!
B6B: It’s God and one of his minions! They’ve come to get me for all my acts of inhumanity!
Paul: Its Beaver-Man and Jeeves! Come to save us!
Peter Jackson: It’s Gandalf and his army of men, come to help fight at the battle of Helm’s Deep
Captain: But there’s only two of them!?
Peter Jackson: Ah, but with the help of a little CGI, two can become many…to form the fighters of a pre-apocalyptic battle of Middle-Earth!
Justin: Oh is that all you could come up with?
Alex: What!?! You had to have the fist line didn’t you!
Justin: You bastard! I created this err…sentence!
Peter Jackson: And so the battle for Middle-Earth has begun
Paul: Wow! I cant believe Beaver-Man is really here!
Michelle: Yeah so your retinas really have exploded!
B6B: Ha!
Captain: So your back then? Woo! (Sarcastically)
Justin: Yes, and I think ill have that captaincy back too!
Alex: Cant I be captain now?
Captain: Nah!
Alex + Ed: Bastard!
Peter Jackson: thank God Its you! We all thought you were going to kill us!
Alex: What makes you think we’re not!?!
Captains Log Star Date 15.2: Is there any point to this log? Do we really need it?
Nah!
B6B: So, anyway why did you come back?
Alex: I was just asking myself the same question
Ed: So, how did you come back?
Captain: Lets save that story for a rainy day shall we?
Paul: There’s no time like the present
Peter Jackson: To be concluded in December 2003!
Alex: Not with you it wont!
Alex Draws A Glowing Sword From His Belt And Chases Peter Jackson down the flood lit corridor
Gandalf: Run, you fools!
Peter Jackson: Why am I here? This makes no sense!
Jeffery Archer: Your telling me!
Peter Jackson Trips On A Tiny Nail Sticking Up From The Floor And Falls To His Fiery Death…
Alex: Hey, I was only messing about!
Logging Out Of R.O.B.E….This Power Cut Was Brought To You By 24Seven
A Shough-Gilmour Production
Written By: Justin Shough And Alex Gilmour
Original Idea: Justin Shough And Alex Gilmour
Logging Into R.O.B.E….For The Last Time Ever!…Nah, Just Kidding!
Captains Log Star Date 15.1: What am I going to write?…is what I would have said several weeks ago, What am I going to write next…is also what I would have said several weeks ago…but not now! Not now that I run the Emmy Award winning Starship Beaverprise!
R.O.B.E.: Captain’s Log Data has become corrupt. Rebooting system sever
Captain: Nooooooo!
B6B: Years of research lost forever!
R.O.B.E.: Years of porn research lost forever!
Moe: What? You’ve wiped the whole system?
R.O.B.E.: I haven’t, but something has!
Moe: No, its never you is it!
Captain: Has anyone received any emails in the past 24 hours?
Moe: I received some email from some freak saying something irrelevant!
Robert: Yeah, sorry that was from me. I didn’t mean to cause you any harm!
Moe: Bit late for that now isn’t it!
Paul: I received one a moment ago, it was a love letter with some attachment enclosed. I just couldn’t resist!
B6B: You fool!
Paul: But I only wanted true love!
Moe: Why didn’t you just send for a mail order bride?
Paul: I did, but Ed married her
Michelle Runs Out Of The Room Manically Laughing…
Captain: Love? You don’t even have any friends!
Paul: Don’t I? Don’t I?
Captain: No! You don’t!
Paul: Well, I did try to solve that problem by going on Friends Reunited, but it turns out you actually have some friends to begin with…to be reunited with!
B6B: So, you didn’t get any replies then?
Paul: Well, just one from an escaped mental patient called Stevo!
Captain: Well, at least this so called virus is contained in the ship, for now
Paul: Err… actually I just sent it to the World Beaver Federation as we were talking
Mean While AT The World Beaver Federation HQ…
Tom Hanks: You’ve got mail!
Bloke: Love letter? Wow! Can you feel the love in this room?
He Clicks To Open The Attachment…
Bloke: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
The Computer blows Up In His Face, As Every Other Computer And Electrical Appliance In The WBF And The Rest Of The Known Universe Is Systematically destroyed, this includes John Doe 43’s Pacemaker And The Newly Rebuilt Starship Neaverskise with its fully robotic workforce…
The Rest of The Episode Will Be Conducted In Darkness, With Data Being Recorded Using Ancient Papyrus…
Back On The Starship Beaverprise…
John Coffee (Not Like The Drink): Who turned out all the lights?
Andrew: Yeah, I was trying to sleep!
B6B: Why the hell do you need the lights on to sleep?
Andrew: ZZZZzzzzz
Paul: Stop saying Z!
Andrew: Sorry!
Andrew Actually Falls Asleep…
Moe: Err…can we get some lights in here please?
He (Moe) Walks Over To The Light Switch And Starts To Flick It On And Off…
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
2 Hours Later…
On.
Off.
On.
Off
Moe: I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but I cant get the lights to work! Hey! Where did you get those candles from?
B6B: These candles were brought to you by Candles Incorporated
Michelle: Shouldn’t R.O.B.E. have said that?
Captain: Yeah, where is R.O.B.E.?
Paul: He must have gone off when every other electrical appliance in the universe went off
Captain: Yes, it seems as we have lost all our power!
Moe: We’ve lost all our power? Then how come we’re still alive? Surely the oxygen supply filters must be non-existent?
Captain: Quiet MR Moe we have no time for these trivial matters!
Moe: But…
Captain: I said quiet!
Moe: Bastards!
B6B: So, what about R.O.B.E.?
Ronnie Corbett: Here I am!
Captain: What? You freak!
Paul: Awww I’ve missed you!
Paul Pats The Dwarf Like C List Celebrity Star On The Head…
Michelle: We need to generate power some how to get R.O.B.E. back online
Captain: Shouldn’t be hard, he runs on 1 Watt!
B6B: Ha!
John Doe 44: Hey, what about that convenient bike in the corner of the room?
Captain: This is no time for alternative means of transportation, infidel!
Michelle: Yeah, anyway what good would a bike do?
John Doe 44: Well, it conveniently seems to be hooked up to a generator which is even more conveniently hooked up to R.O.B.E. So in theory…and this is only in theory, if I could peddle fast enough to generate some power we could get him back online!
John Doe 44 Gets On The Bike And Starts Peddling Faster Than His Legs Can Carry Him…
R.O.B.E. Gradually Comes Back Online, With Bolts Of Lightening, Flashes Of Light And Among Other Things Electrical Surges…
John Doe 44: He’s Alive! Alive! Mwahahahahahha!
R.O.B.E.: Less talk, more peddle
Moe: My God he’s insane!
Michelle: John Doe or R.O.B.E.?
Captain: Ha!
B6B: Sorry I should have said that! But I also must say this… Sir I’m detecting a warp in the space-time continuum!
There’s A Massive Flash Of Light…
Ed: Destroy the WBF employee, go to planet Wargon 4 for for gloriously tasting food or face a lifetime imprisonment on Beta 7 or even worse…Earth! (gloriously tasting food is probably less important)
Paul: Earth? Nooooo!
Another Flash Of Light…
B6B: What was that?
Captain: Dunno! Maybe something I ate
Moe: Or something to do with R.O.B.E. coming back online?
Captain: Yes, that would make more sense
B6B: Sir there’s a WBF ship coming into the vicinity
Captain: Shields up, fire at will!
Paul: Will who?
B6B: Err captain, the WBF are on our side!
Captain: What are you waiting for then? Christmas? Beam them aboard!
A Man From The WBF Beams Aboard…
Man from the WBF: As you may or may not know, the WBF has recently become the subject of a possible terrorist attack
Paul: Ah wow! Are you going to ask us loads of questions?
Man from the WBF: Nah, cos I know it was you!
Paul: Ah go on! We’ve only got onto our 7th side of A4 paper
Man from the WBF: Our?
2 Months Later…
A Crash Of Bones To The Floor Is Heard…
Captain: What was that?
B6B: Just the WBF employee collapsing again. Prop him up will you Paul?
Paul: Okay, but why are there just bones?
Michelle: Oh he died of starvation about a month ago
Enter Sir Wellington Of Wellingtonshire…
Moe: Who?
Oh For Gods Sake Its Wellie, Just Wellie!
Wellie: Cool, bones!
Bones: Doctor here!
Paul: Where?
B6B: Shut up!
R.O.B.E.: Who is in this?
Moe: What?
R.O.B.E.: I think my power is training…I mean draining
John Doe 44: I’ve got cramp in my neck, my legs feel a bit weird…could someone just check they’re okay for me will you?
Captain: Err…yeah, they’re fine!
After Two Months Of Solid Peddling John Doe 44’s Legs Have Worn Away To The Bones. Though Still Peddling Furiously He Is No Longer Creating Enough Power To Run R.O.B.E…
R.O.B.E.: Damn His Inferior Legs!
Wellie Runs Over To John Doe 44 And Grabs One Of His Bare Leg Bones, subsequently Getting Caught Up In The Spokes Of The Bike Wheel, Thrusting John Doe 44 Up Into The Air And Straight Into A Boiling Vat Of Acid
Paul: This looks like a case for Beaver-Man!!
Captain: Who?
Paul: You know, Beaver-Man and Jeeves!
The Crew Throw Paul Into The Vat Of Acid…
Paul: Noooooooo!
By A Cruel Twist Of Fate Paul Survived With All His Vital Organs Intact, Except From His Brain Which Was Turned To A Pile Of Mush, Though It May Have Been A Pile Of Mush Originally…
Moe: I don’t mean to ruin any jokes, but where the hell did that vat of acid come from?
B6B: It Was Personally Delivered By Fredrico Black, the infamous brother of Andy Black…the torturer extraordinaire
Paul: Yeah, so… where did it come from?
B6B: Yeah, so…shut up!
The Crew Throw Paul Into The Acid Again…
Paul: AAAaaaaaargh master tricks us, master hurts us, master wants our precious!
Peter Jackson: This scene didn’t make it into the final cut of The Two Towers, mainly because it detracted from my original vision.
Captain: More scenes like this can be found on the trilogy special edition box set, available to own for Stevo, soon.
Moe: Sorry about this but I don’t understand why people keep coming back from the dead
R.O.B.E.: The powers back on!
Captain: R.O.B.E.’s back on, which must mean the powers back on!
A Flood Of Light Streams Down A Corridor…
Paul: Dear God! My retinas! They’re exploding!
Two Silhouettes Walk Towards The Bridge Of The Ship…
Crew: Gasp!
Moe: It’s two silhouettes come back to kill us!
B6B: It’s God and one of his minions! They’ve come to get me for all my acts of inhumanity!
Paul: Its Beaver-Man and Jeeves! Come to save us!
Peter Jackson: It’s Gandalf and his army of men, come to help fight at the battle of Helm’s Deep
Captain: But there’s only two of them!?
Peter Jackson: Ah, but with the help of a little CGI, two can become many…to form the fighters of a pre-apocalyptic battle of Middle-Earth!
Justin: Oh is that all you could come up with?
Alex: What!?! You had to have the fist line didn’t you!
Justin: You bastard! I created this err…sentence!
Peter Jackson: And so the battle for Middle-Earth has begun
Paul: Wow! I cant believe Beaver-Man is really here!
Michelle: Yeah so your retinas really have exploded!
B6B: Ha!
Captain: So your back then? Woo! (Sarcastically)
Justin: Yes, and I think ill have that captaincy back too!
Alex: Cant I be captain now?
Captain: Nah!
Alex + Ed: Bastard!
Peter Jackson: thank God Its you! We all thought you were going to kill us!
Alex: What makes you think we’re not!?!
Captains Log Star Date 15.2: Is there any point to this log? Do we really need it?
Nah!
B6B: So, anyway why did you come back?
Alex: I was just asking myself the same question
Ed: So, how did you come back?
Captain: Lets save that story for a rainy day shall we?
Paul: There’s no time like the present
Peter Jackson: To be concluded in December 2003!
Alex: Not with you it wont!
Alex Draws A Glowing Sword From His Belt And Chases Peter Jackson down the flood lit corridor
Gandalf: Run, you fools!
Peter Jackson: Why am I here? This makes no sense!
Jeffery Archer: Your telling me!
Peter Jackson Trips On A Tiny Nail Sticking Up From The Floor And Falls To His Fiery Death…
Alex: Hey, I was only messing about!
Logging Out Of R.O.B.E….This Power Cut Was Brought To You By 24Seven
