Previously on Beaverprise…
Alex: I’ve just received word that there was a large explosion in the area that we left the Starship Beaverprise all those weeks ago! Maybe we should send some drones to check it out!
Captain: Seeing as there was also an explosion around the time Andrew sent that message to us, we’re going to fly back to find the Beaverprise in a shuttle, which I must add, will be less cramped than those pods we flew around in earlier!
B6B: Come on! I’m going to untie you!
Paul: We’re free! Free!
Kif: No we can’t! We need to get this bullet out of his arm first!
The Monica Lewinski Masked Person shoots out one of Michelle’s tyres, causing the car to spin around 360 degrees, like Megan’s head, and eventually dive head first over a cliff.
Suddenly someone appears from the cliff edge.
Michelle: How unlikely was that? It’s a good job I’ve jumped out of cars going over cliff edges before!
She instantly collapses onto the ground. Laying perfectly still.
The following takes place between Midday and 1pm. Refreshments are now available in the lobby, or are they?
12:00:00
Michelle slowly gets back onto her feet.
Michelle: Where am I? Who am I? What am I? But most importantly: Where am I?
She begins walking in a random direction along the road.
12:00:59
In the shuttle travelling to the Starship Beaverprise.
Alex: So who wants some food? Seeing as it’s lunch time and all!
Captain: Yeah, maybe an in flight movie too!
They open the hatch where the food is kept and some freak falls out of it.
Alex: What the hell?
Robert: Let’s kill him!
Captain: Err…It’s Jack Beaver, Jr!
Robert: Yeah and he’s eaten all our food! Let’s kill him!
Jack Beaver, Jr: Well not all! I did leave some of these cookies!
Robert: What good are cookies now, you bastard!?!
Alex: What the hell are you doing here?
Jack Beaver, Jr: Because you needed me for hour 17!
Alex: If we don’t think of something constructive to write there wont be an hour 17
Captain: Yeah whatever! So we forgot about you and you just thought you’d get in on a little bit of the action!
Robert: Pretty much!
Alex: Not you! That other freak!
Jack Beaver, Jr: Nah, I was hungry, wanted some food and this was all I could find!
Captain: Fair enough! But we only have enough oxygen for two people! You’re jeopardising our mission!
Robert: What about me?
Alex: Ah we were going to kill you half way!
Robert starts breathing erratically.
Captain: Nooooooooooooo! You’ll use up all the air!
Air: Bastards!
12:10:02
Michelle is still walking in a random direction, but not quite as random as the way we have been writing this…
A car pulls up alongside her.
Michelle: What do you want?
Driver: Err…You need a lift?
Michelle: Yeah, I don’t know where I’m going but I’m sure you can take me there!
Michelle gets in the car.
Driver: So, how’s it going Michelle?
Silence.
Driver: Michelle?
Silence.
Driver: Err…You sitting next to me! You are Michelle right?
Michelle: Oh me? I don’t know who I am, must be some sort of amnesia or something!
Driver: Didn’t we have some sort of sordid affair, back in college?
Michelle: Yeah that sounds about right…who knows though. I can’t remember a thing.
Driver: At the moment I’m heading back to my legendary ship, I have to get to Yarnellia for a doctors convention back on my home planet Yarnellia.
Michelle: Yarnellia? That sounds some how familiar, yet somehow unfamiliar
Doctor: Well, your welcome to join me.
Michelle: If I’m to join you, would you mind telling me who the hell you are?
Doctor: Of course, I’m Bones. I’m a doctor that practises on and around Planet Yarnellia. I specialise in sordid affairs with potential amnesiacs.
12:19:34
In the shuttle travelling to the Starship Beaverprise.
Alex: Sir, we’re exactly where the Starship Beaverprise should be…And I can see nothing but wide open space
Captain: Space, eh? The final frontier…I mean, what you’re saying is The Starship Beaverprise has been somehow hot-wired and stolen from us, along with the ship we have lost all of our valuable possessions…and Andrew.
Robert: Our possessions? Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Alex: How unlucky is that?
Jack Beaver, Jr: I don’t mean to interrupt, but look out the “window” for a second!
Through The Window: Roberts Sleeping Quarters Float Past
Robert: Noooooooo! My bed, and all of my cuddly teddy bears.
Alex: Ha! No wait…The ship must have been attacked…
Captain: And destroyed! Noooooooooooooooooo! My beloved pride and joy, the essence of my manhood!
Jack Beaver, Jr: Yeah…and the ship is destroyed too!
Captain: You bastard!
Alex: This can’t possibly be! So we’re going to wake up any minute now…
Alex wakes up.
Alex: So it was all a dream!
Captain: No you fool! You fainted at the thought of it all being over.
Alex: Noooooooooooooooo!
12:25:34
Captain: So many fond memories…well memories anyway…
Alex: Yes, and so much time to fill, in which to remember them!
Jack Beaver, Jr: So R.O.B.E. and Andrew are really gone, dead. Never to be seen again, if only I’d known them I would have at least some feeling of regret and remorse.
Alex: Here’s a picture of R.O.B.E. with Andrew when we went on our annual camping trip last year!
Jack Beaver, Jr: Cool! What a legend, look at Andrew kicking that tent!
Alex: No that “Tent” is R.O.B.E. in his robot guise.
Captain: I feel a flashback of epic proportions coming on…
Robert: Nah, that’s just a mild stroke you’re having.
Previously on Beaverprise…
Logging into R.O.B.E....Bought to you by a non-profit organisation.
R.O.B.E: The time sponsored by Wormfeeder is exactly 21.32 hours, sir I will activate the autopilot as you requested at 21.45hrs.
R.O.B.E: Oh well! Maybe once I have gone crazy and killed the whole crew in a tragic accident, I shall take control of the Starship Beaverprise!
R.O.B.E:Hello
R.O.B.E: Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
R.O.B.E: I’m on £3.60 an hour and they didn’t give me a pay rise when I was 18 either. I have to get up at 6 in the morning so that I can milk the cows and feed the chickens, and if I’m lucky they’ll let me go home by 5!
Captain: What the hell are you talking about R.O.B.E.?
R.O.B.E: Hey! I’m her husband I think I should know! She’s, er, erm……I can’t even remember what she looks like!
Look-a-like R.O.B.E: Hello! My name is David…I mean, R.O.B.E!
R.O.B.E: He needs a lesson in time efficiency
R.O.B.E: Exactly! Anyway, it all began ten years ago, when I was pushing drugs on the streets of San Diego…
R.O.B.E: Self Destruct Sequence Initiated…
R.O.B.E.: We’ve got to the point where we’ve got to implement a story
R.O.B.E: Years of porn research lost forever!
R.O.B.E: Easy for you to say, I can’t even move!
R.O.B.E: Watty why do you have to try and be involved with everything we do, Beaverprise is the one thing I have where you aren’t right next to me the whole time, piss off!
R.O.B.E. has become annoyed because he didn’t appear in this episode and so has disconnected you from the server. If you wish to destroy him in some way hit any key now.
Now you fool!
End Of "Memory" Sequence
Captain: That’s not much to show for three years is it?
Alex: That’s debatable!
Robert: Oh R.O.B.E. how we knew him well…
Jack Beaver, Jr: What about Andrew though? Did he have no part to play in your brilliant adventures?
Alex: Nah, not really! Anyway we couldn’t find any quotes for him.
12:40:22
In the Boba Mobile…
Boba Muffett: I’m glad we stopped off for those burgers. There’s nothing like a good feed after a satisfying killing.
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) But I thought you loved Michelle!
Boba Muffett: I did, you bastard! Don’t make this any harder on me! Let’s head back to my secret hideout, where I can mourn in my privacy.
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Watch porn in privacy?
Boba Muffett: Mourn you fool! Now hurry up we’ve got to get back to my secret hideout. I’ve got be at Safeway’s in a couple of hours!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) So by secret hideout, you mean: Sandman’s Sand Inc?
Boba Muffett: Indeed!
At Sandman’s Sand Inc.
Kif: Zip seems to be recovering quite rapidly, seeing as we got the bullet out of him less than an hour ago!
B6B: So when are we going then?
Kif: He should be alright to go in about 20 minutes I should think.
Paul: And what are we supposed to do for 20 minutes? Reminisce about past adventures? How poor and how much of an obvious time filler would that be?
12:46:23
At The Doctors ship…
Bones: Welcome to my ship Michelle, it’s not much but it is home.
Michelle: Wow! This place is great, it somehow reminds me of a ship I may have been in before.
Bones: Allow me to show you around, here’s my legendary bedroom and double bed where I seduced many a woman, here’s the kitchen where me and patient no. 32 first made sweet love, and here’s my on-suite prison where I hold captive any woman that doesn’t want anything to do with me…
Woman: You bastard! You will die for this!
Michelle: It’s Err…cosy!
Bones: I shall set the co-ordinates to Yarnellia, where I shall attend my course in the art of seduction. I mean…medication!
Michelle: Let’s go!
Woman: Yeah, let’s!
Bone’s ship flies off in the direction of Yarnelia. The camera flies alongside the ship for about 10 minutes, displaying the marvellous camera work and the excellent CGI on offer.
12:58:06
In the shuttle…
Alex Suspiciously Looks Around At Everyone In The Room…
Robert: What? I didn’t do it!
Alex: Do what exactly?
Robert: Mooooowahahaha! Wouldn’t you like to know!
Alex: Nah.
Jack Beaver, Jr: So who blew up the ship then? I thought I’d better ask seeing as nobody else has even mentioned it!
Alex: Well I can only presume that Andrew did, seeing as he’s the only one who doesn’t have an alibi.
The Door Suddenly Swings Open…
Alex: My God…its You!
12:59:57…12:59:58…12:59:59
13:00:00
Alex: I’ve just received word that there was a large explosion in the area that we left the Starship Beaverprise all those weeks ago! Maybe we should send some drones to check it out!
Captain: Seeing as there was also an explosion around the time Andrew sent that message to us, we’re going to fly back to find the Beaverprise in a shuttle, which I must add, will be less cramped than those pods we flew around in earlier!
B6B: Come on! I’m going to untie you!
Paul: We’re free! Free!
Kif: No we can’t! We need to get this bullet out of his arm first!
The Monica Lewinski Masked Person shoots out one of Michelle’s tyres, causing the car to spin around 360 degrees, like Megan’s head, and eventually dive head first over a cliff.
Suddenly someone appears from the cliff edge.
Michelle: How unlikely was that? It’s a good job I’ve jumped out of cars going over cliff edges before!
She instantly collapses onto the ground. Laying perfectly still.
The following takes place between Midday and 1pm. Refreshments are now available in the lobby, or are they?
12:00:00
Michelle slowly gets back onto her feet.
Michelle: Where am I? Who am I? What am I? But most importantly: Where am I?
She begins walking in a random direction along the road.
12:00:59
In the shuttle travelling to the Starship Beaverprise.
Alex: So who wants some food? Seeing as it’s lunch time and all!
Captain: Yeah, maybe an in flight movie too!
They open the hatch where the food is kept and some freak falls out of it.
Alex: What the hell?
Robert: Let’s kill him!
Captain: Err…It’s Jack Beaver, Jr!
Robert: Yeah and he’s eaten all our food! Let’s kill him!
Jack Beaver, Jr: Well not all! I did leave some of these cookies!
Robert: What good are cookies now, you bastard!?!
Alex: What the hell are you doing here?
Jack Beaver, Jr: Because you needed me for hour 17!
Alex: If we don’t think of something constructive to write there wont be an hour 17
Captain: Yeah whatever! So we forgot about you and you just thought you’d get in on a little bit of the action!
Robert: Pretty much!
Alex: Not you! That other freak!
Jack Beaver, Jr: Nah, I was hungry, wanted some food and this was all I could find!
Captain: Fair enough! But we only have enough oxygen for two people! You’re jeopardising our mission!
Robert: What about me?
Alex: Ah we were going to kill you half way!
Robert starts breathing erratically.
Captain: Nooooooooooooo! You’ll use up all the air!
Air: Bastards!
12:10:02
Michelle is still walking in a random direction, but not quite as random as the way we have been writing this…
A car pulls up alongside her.
Michelle: What do you want?
Driver: Err…You need a lift?
Michelle: Yeah, I don’t know where I’m going but I’m sure you can take me there!
Michelle gets in the car.
Driver: So, how’s it going Michelle?
Silence.
Driver: Michelle?
Silence.
Driver: Err…You sitting next to me! You are Michelle right?
Michelle: Oh me? I don’t know who I am, must be some sort of amnesia or something!
Driver: Didn’t we have some sort of sordid affair, back in college?
Michelle: Yeah that sounds about right…who knows though. I can’t remember a thing.
Driver: At the moment I’m heading back to my legendary ship, I have to get to Yarnellia for a doctors convention back on my home planet Yarnellia.
Michelle: Yarnellia? That sounds some how familiar, yet somehow unfamiliar
Doctor: Well, your welcome to join me.
Michelle: If I’m to join you, would you mind telling me who the hell you are?
Doctor: Of course, I’m Bones. I’m a doctor that practises on and around Planet Yarnellia. I specialise in sordid affairs with potential amnesiacs.
12:19:34
In the shuttle travelling to the Starship Beaverprise.
Alex: Sir, we’re exactly where the Starship Beaverprise should be…And I can see nothing but wide open space
Captain: Space, eh? The final frontier…I mean, what you’re saying is The Starship Beaverprise has been somehow hot-wired and stolen from us, along with the ship we have lost all of our valuable possessions…and Andrew.
Robert: Our possessions? Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Alex: How unlucky is that?
Jack Beaver, Jr: I don’t mean to interrupt, but look out the “window” for a second!
Through The Window: Roberts Sleeping Quarters Float Past
Robert: Noooooooo! My bed, and all of my cuddly teddy bears.
Alex: Ha! No wait…The ship must have been attacked…
Captain: And destroyed! Noooooooooooooooooo! My beloved pride and joy, the essence of my manhood!
Jack Beaver, Jr: Yeah…and the ship is destroyed too!
Captain: You bastard!
Alex: This can’t possibly be! So we’re going to wake up any minute now…
Alex wakes up.
Alex: So it was all a dream!
Captain: No you fool! You fainted at the thought of it all being over.
Alex: Noooooooooooooooo!
12:25:34
Captain: So many fond memories…well memories anyway…
Alex: Yes, and so much time to fill, in which to remember them!
Jack Beaver, Jr: So R.O.B.E. and Andrew are really gone, dead. Never to be seen again, if only I’d known them I would have at least some feeling of regret and remorse.
Alex: Here’s a picture of R.O.B.E. with Andrew when we went on our annual camping trip last year!
Jack Beaver, Jr: Cool! What a legend, look at Andrew kicking that tent!
Alex: No that “Tent” is R.O.B.E. in his robot guise.
Captain: I feel a flashback of epic proportions coming on…
Robert: Nah, that’s just a mild stroke you’re having.
Previously on Beaverprise…
Logging into R.O.B.E....Bought to you by a non-profit organisation.
R.O.B.E: The time sponsored by Wormfeeder is exactly 21.32 hours, sir I will activate the autopilot as you requested at 21.45hrs.
R.O.B.E: Oh well! Maybe once I have gone crazy and killed the whole crew in a tragic accident, I shall take control of the Starship Beaverprise!
R.O.B.E:Hello
R.O.B.E: Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
R.O.B.E: I’m on £3.60 an hour and they didn’t give me a pay rise when I was 18 either. I have to get up at 6 in the morning so that I can milk the cows and feed the chickens, and if I’m lucky they’ll let me go home by 5!
Captain: What the hell are you talking about R.O.B.E.?
R.O.B.E: Hey! I’m her husband I think I should know! She’s, er, erm……I can’t even remember what she looks like!
Look-a-like R.O.B.E: Hello! My name is David…I mean, R.O.B.E!
R.O.B.E: He needs a lesson in time efficiency
R.O.B.E: Exactly! Anyway, it all began ten years ago, when I was pushing drugs on the streets of San Diego…
R.O.B.E: Self Destruct Sequence Initiated…
R.O.B.E.: We’ve got to the point where we’ve got to implement a story
R.O.B.E: Years of porn research lost forever!
R.O.B.E: Easy for you to say, I can’t even move!
R.O.B.E: Watty why do you have to try and be involved with everything we do, Beaverprise is the one thing I have where you aren’t right next to me the whole time, piss off!
R.O.B.E. has become annoyed because he didn’t appear in this episode and so has disconnected you from the server. If you wish to destroy him in some way hit any key now.
Now you fool!
End Of "Memory" Sequence
Captain: That’s not much to show for three years is it?
Alex: That’s debatable!
Robert: Oh R.O.B.E. how we knew him well…
Jack Beaver, Jr: What about Andrew though? Did he have no part to play in your brilliant adventures?
Alex: Nah, not really! Anyway we couldn’t find any quotes for him.
12:40:22
In the Boba Mobile…
Boba Muffett: I’m glad we stopped off for those burgers. There’s nothing like a good feed after a satisfying killing.
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) But I thought you loved Michelle!
Boba Muffett: I did, you bastard! Don’t make this any harder on me! Let’s head back to my secret hideout, where I can mourn in my privacy.
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Watch porn in privacy?
Boba Muffett: Mourn you fool! Now hurry up we’ve got to get back to my secret hideout. I’ve got be at Safeway’s in a couple of hours!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) So by secret hideout, you mean: Sandman’s Sand Inc?
Boba Muffett: Indeed!
At Sandman’s Sand Inc.
Kif: Zip seems to be recovering quite rapidly, seeing as we got the bullet out of him less than an hour ago!
B6B: So when are we going then?
Kif: He should be alright to go in about 20 minutes I should think.
Paul: And what are we supposed to do for 20 minutes? Reminisce about past adventures? How poor and how much of an obvious time filler would that be?
12:46:23
At The Doctors ship…
Bones: Welcome to my ship Michelle, it’s not much but it is home.
Michelle: Wow! This place is great, it somehow reminds me of a ship I may have been in before.
Bones: Allow me to show you around, here’s my legendary bedroom and double bed where I seduced many a woman, here’s the kitchen where me and patient no. 32 first made sweet love, and here’s my on-suite prison where I hold captive any woman that doesn’t want anything to do with me…
Woman: You bastard! You will die for this!
Michelle: It’s Err…cosy!
Bones: I shall set the co-ordinates to Yarnellia, where I shall attend my course in the art of seduction. I mean…medication!
Michelle: Let’s go!
Woman: Yeah, let’s!
Bone’s ship flies off in the direction of Yarnelia. The camera flies alongside the ship for about 10 minutes, displaying the marvellous camera work and the excellent CGI on offer.
12:58:06
In the shuttle…
Alex Suspiciously Looks Around At Everyone In The Room…
Robert: What? I didn’t do it!
Alex: Do what exactly?
Robert: Mooooowahahaha! Wouldn’t you like to know!
Alex: Nah.
Jack Beaver, Jr: So who blew up the ship then? I thought I’d better ask seeing as nobody else has even mentioned it!
Alex: Well I can only presume that Andrew did, seeing as he’s the only one who doesn’t have an alibi.
The Door Suddenly Swings Open…
Alex: My God…its You!
12:59:57…12:59:58…12:59:59
13:00:00
