Previously on Beaverprise…
Life Guard: You bastards! You’ve killed my dear friend, the Hobo!
B6B, Paul Moe And Kif Are Still Tied Up, Zip Lies On The Floor Motionless…
Kif: Then he’s dead! Hooray!
Transmission: No! You must save me from the clutches of these evil maniacs!
Policeman: Oh my god! What a hideous assortment of dead bodies! Nooooooo!
Captain: Dunno, I’m not in charge. Anyway, where the hell are we going to go?
Alex: To save Ed and that WBF bloke!
Robert: If only Andrew were here…Andrew! What the hell happened to him?!?
The Starship Beaverprise, the scene of so many fantastic happenings is sitting silently in space.
It suddenly blows up in a massive ball of flames and metal.
Alex: Incoming transmission from the Beaverprise, sir! It must be important.
Transmission: What the Bloody Hell!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!
The following takes place between 11am and Midday. Unless it doesn’t and we’ve been lying to you the whole time.
11:00:00
Stereotypical Black Son: What the bloody hell, indeed!?!
Captain: It sounds like Andrew’s woken up, so something must be wrong!
Alex: I’ve just received word that there was a large explosion in the area that we left the Starship Beaverprise all those weeks ago! Maybe we should send some drones to check it out!
Captain: Or maybe we should check it out!
Alex: Yeah, drones!
Stereotypical Black Wife: Aren’t you supposed to be saving Ed?
Captain: Yeah, but he can wait!
Alex: I’m guessing that everyone’s thinking we forgot about Andrew and just remembered at this point in time, so we inserted him into this ludicrous plot line!
Captain: Nah, it’s a pre-determined plot, with every vital ingredient in place.
< Insert Vital Ingredient Here >
Stereotypical Black Daughter: Andrew, who?
Alex: Let’s go then! He sounded like he was in trouble!
Captain: Ready a shuttle for us!
WBF Dogs Body: Right away sir!
Robert Arrives At The WBF By Means Unknown. He casually walks into the control room.
Captain: How the hell did you get here?
Robert (raising one eyebrow): By means unknown you fool! Moowahahaha!
Alex: Moowahahaha? That wasn’t in the script! Suspicious!
Captain: So what’s happened to everyone else? Weren’t you with Zip Finnigan?
Robert: Yeah, but I was in the toilet and they all disappeared, so I thought I’d come and find you guys…By means unknown!
Alex: Wow! This is like your legendary return to Safeway. Reuniting us all! All you need to do is make up a lie about some Russian girlfriend and the circle will be complete!
Robert: Yeah, she’s with her parents in Russia!
Stereotypical Black Son: But Russia was destroyed by the re-formed Nazi party in 2087, so where does your truth lie now, you bastard!?!
Robert: That’s irrelevant! My dealings with the KGB don’t need to be brought into this! What’s more important is that I just remembered that Andrew was left on the Starship Beaverprise!
Alex: Suspicious that you remembered that at the exact same time that we received a transmission from him, stating, and I quote: “What the bloody hell!?!?!?!!”
Robert: What are we going to do then?
Captain: Seeing as there was also an explosion around the time Andrew sent that message to us, we’re going to fly back to find the Beaverprise in a shuttle, which I must add, will be less cramped than those pods we flew around in earlier!
Stereotypical Black Son: We’ll need guns! Lot’s of guns…
Alex: No you freak, we’ll need coffee! Lot’s of coffee! Just in case Andrew’s fallen asleep again!
Stereotypical Black Daughter: Zip, who?
11:10:02
On Palmer 2 at Sandman’s Sand Inc.
Moe: This rope feels so soft against my skin!
B6B: Shut up Moe! You’re delirious! Take a leaf out of Zoidberg’s book!
Dr. John Zoidberg: You’re the only one that can see me B6B, because you’re hallucinating! And how!
Kif: Ahhh! The little people won’t leave me alone!
Paul: You freaks! Haven’t you ever been tied up and brutally tortured before?
B6B: Tortured? Not recently!
Moe: So how the hell are we going to get out of here? With Zip dead only a miracle could save us!
Zip’s body begins to stir. He’s alive!
Dr. Zoidberg: What’s with all the miracles? When Zoidberg needs a favour nobody wants to know!
Zip Finnigan: He hurted me real good!
Kif: How do you feel sir?
Zip Finnigan: How the fuck do you think I feel? I’ve got a bullet lodged beneath my skin! Just as soon as I get it out I’ll be fine! Hey crabby, give me a hand!
Dr. Zoidberg: Now Zoidberg can play God!
Paul: What? Don’t call me crabby you freak!
Zip Finnigan: Sorry, it’s the blood talking!
Kif: Try and get up!
Zip takes one look at his wound and faints, knocking himself unconscious.
Kif: Great! Now what?
11:15:45
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Now what?
Boba Muffett: Didn’t you just say that?
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) No!
Boba Muffett: We’ll keep following Michelle until we give up, or even she gives up. Whichever happens first!
11:17:55
Michelle: Hey look, there’s some sort of hilarious hitch-hiker! Let’s pick her up!
Megan: Is it my mummy?
Michelle: No you freak! She’s dead! We threw her in that ditch along with all the other bodies we managed to accumulate!
They stop the car and the woman gets in.
Michelle: Hi mum!…I mean, who are you?
Woman: Hi, my name’s Teri!
Instructor: Gasp!
Michelle: Megan! Stop strangling my new found boyfriend!
Instructor: Boyfriend? Waheey! I do so much more than teach people to drive!
Michelle: Oh yeah, I’ve been staring at your package for the whole journey!
Instructor: Yup, I’ve got to deliver this baby to the insurance agency! That’s the life of a driving instructing postal worker!
Teri: Err…Aren’t you married to Ed?
Michelle: How the hell would you know about that?
Teri: There’s a lot I know, that no-one else cares about!
Michelle: So where you heading, bitch…I mean, Teri!?!
Teri: I’m trying to find some evil doctor, who I’ve apparently been having some affair with. Now that my husband, Jack Beaver is dead, what more can I do?
Michelle: Fair enough, but I wont tell if you don’t!
Teri: Deal!
Megan: Yeah, but I might! Mooowhahahahaha!
Megan’s head spins around 360 degrees, whilst her eyes turn yellow and her skin a dark green as she spits out some devoured flesh.
Instructor: Who wants pop tarts!?!
11:28:23
At Sandman’s Sand Inc…
B6B: Come on! I’m going to untie you!
Kif: What? How did you get yourself free?
B6B: With a little help from my trusty Zoidberg!
Moe: Stop with the crabs already!
B6B: No, Zoidberg, the name of my trusty penknife!
Kif: Yeah, whatever! Just get us out of these ropes!
Paul: We’re free! Free!
B6B: What are we going to do with Zip? He’s out cold!
Moe: Cold, eh? Maybe if we throw what’s left of this cold cup of coffee over him!
They do just that.
Zip: Wha? What the hell? Coffee?
Paul: Let’s go!
Kif: No we can’t! We need to get this bullet out of his arm first!
B6B: Zoidberg’s a doctor, we can use him!
Moe: I thought he was a knife, like my Suzie!
B6B: Knife? Yeah let’s use him!
And so begins a twisted over long operation to remove the bullet from Zip’s arm. We shall spare you the gory details, but just think how Zip is feeling…
Zip: Aaararrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! You bastards! Noooooooooooooooooooo!
11:43:45
In the shuttle travelling to the Starship Beaverprise.
Captain: What a legendary shuttle!
Shuttle: Ah, thanks!
Captain: It’s a pleasure!
Alex: So, we haven’t seen the Beaverprise for a while, which is kinda poor!
Robert: What the fact that we haven’t seen it, or the ship itself?
Alex: Both.
Captain: You know we haven’t seen R.O.B.E. for a long time either!
Alex: Yeah, it was a good run, whilst it lasted!
Robert: I wonder what insane things him and Andrew have been getting up to?
Alex: Porn and sleep. What their lives consist of basically!
11:45:54
At a roadside Café…
Megan: Wow! These are real nice pop tarts!
Instructor: Aw shut up! You little brat!
Megan: Fuck you!
Teri: So I suppose we’d better be on our way!
Michelle: I’ll decide when it’s time to go!
Boba Muffett enters the café.
Michelle: Oh God, he’s caught up with us! Come on, we’ve got to get back to the car!
Instructor: We can get out the back way, if we break all the rules of the café code and I steal their computer to distract everyone!
They all run out of the back door, along with the computer, as Boba Muffett catches a glimpse of them in the corner of his eye.
Boba Muffett: Come back!
He races out of the café and back to the Boba Mobile, as Michelle drives off in front of them.
Boba Muffett: Let’s go! Drive you fool!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Err…You’re driving now! We swapped over when we filled up with petrol, because I was getting tired!
Boba Muffett: I knew that!
It’s not long (but long enough to fill up the rest of this episode so we don’t have to write anymore) before the Boba Mobile catches up with the inferior car that Michelle is driving.
Michelle: Megan you know what to do!
Megan opens her window and hangs out firing a sub machine gun at the Boba Mobile.
Megan: I’m out of ammo! What now?
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) That little brat’s shooting at us!
Boba Muffett: Well shoot back you fool!
The Monica Lewinski Masked Person shoots out one of Michelle’s tyres, causing the car to spin around 360 degrees, like Megan’s head, and eventually dive head first over a cliff.
Michelle: Noooooooooooo…
Teri: …ooooooooooo…
Megan: …ooooooooooooo!
Instructor: If this had happened on your test you would have failed!
The car lands at the bottom of the cliff with a massive crash.
Boba Muffett: Michelle! Noooooooooooo!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Well our work here is done!
Boba Muffett: Pretty much! No one could possibly survive a fall like that and just come out with a few scratches and bruises, though we never actually saw what happened after they went over, so anything is possible!
They drive off in the Boba Mobile.
11:58:56
Suddenly someone appears from the cliff edge.
Michelle: How unlikely was that? It’s a good job I’ve jumped out of cars going over cliff edges before!
She stands up and looks down at the burning wreckage below.
Michelle: Megan? Instructor? Teri? Pop Tarts?
She instantly collapses onto the ground. Laying perfectly still.
11:59:57…11:59:58…11:59:59
12:00:00
Life Guard: You bastards! You’ve killed my dear friend, the Hobo!
B6B, Paul Moe And Kif Are Still Tied Up, Zip Lies On The Floor Motionless…
Kif: Then he’s dead! Hooray!
Transmission: No! You must save me from the clutches of these evil maniacs!
Policeman: Oh my god! What a hideous assortment of dead bodies! Nooooooo!
Captain: Dunno, I’m not in charge. Anyway, where the hell are we going to go?
Alex: To save Ed and that WBF bloke!
Robert: If only Andrew were here…Andrew! What the hell happened to him?!?
The Starship Beaverprise, the scene of so many fantastic happenings is sitting silently in space.
It suddenly blows up in a massive ball of flames and metal.
Alex: Incoming transmission from the Beaverprise, sir! It must be important.
Transmission: What the Bloody Hell!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!
The following takes place between 11am and Midday. Unless it doesn’t and we’ve been lying to you the whole time.
11:00:00
Stereotypical Black Son: What the bloody hell, indeed!?!
Captain: It sounds like Andrew’s woken up, so something must be wrong!
Alex: I’ve just received word that there was a large explosion in the area that we left the Starship Beaverprise all those weeks ago! Maybe we should send some drones to check it out!
Captain: Or maybe we should check it out!
Alex: Yeah, drones!
Stereotypical Black Wife: Aren’t you supposed to be saving Ed?
Captain: Yeah, but he can wait!
Alex: I’m guessing that everyone’s thinking we forgot about Andrew and just remembered at this point in time, so we inserted him into this ludicrous plot line!
Captain: Nah, it’s a pre-determined plot, with every vital ingredient in place.
< Insert Vital Ingredient Here >
Stereotypical Black Daughter: Andrew, who?
Alex: Let’s go then! He sounded like he was in trouble!
Captain: Ready a shuttle for us!
WBF Dogs Body: Right away sir!
Robert Arrives At The WBF By Means Unknown. He casually walks into the control room.
Captain: How the hell did you get here?
Robert (raising one eyebrow): By means unknown you fool! Moowahahaha!
Alex: Moowahahaha? That wasn’t in the script! Suspicious!
Captain: So what’s happened to everyone else? Weren’t you with Zip Finnigan?
Robert: Yeah, but I was in the toilet and they all disappeared, so I thought I’d come and find you guys…By means unknown!
Alex: Wow! This is like your legendary return to Safeway. Reuniting us all! All you need to do is make up a lie about some Russian girlfriend and the circle will be complete!
Robert: Yeah, she’s with her parents in Russia!
Stereotypical Black Son: But Russia was destroyed by the re-formed Nazi party in 2087, so where does your truth lie now, you bastard!?!
Robert: That’s irrelevant! My dealings with the KGB don’t need to be brought into this! What’s more important is that I just remembered that Andrew was left on the Starship Beaverprise!
Alex: Suspicious that you remembered that at the exact same time that we received a transmission from him, stating, and I quote: “What the bloody hell!?!?!?!!”
Robert: What are we going to do then?
Captain: Seeing as there was also an explosion around the time Andrew sent that message to us, we’re going to fly back to find the Beaverprise in a shuttle, which I must add, will be less cramped than those pods we flew around in earlier!
Stereotypical Black Son: We’ll need guns! Lot’s of guns…
Alex: No you freak, we’ll need coffee! Lot’s of coffee! Just in case Andrew’s fallen asleep again!
Stereotypical Black Daughter: Zip, who?
11:10:02
On Palmer 2 at Sandman’s Sand Inc.
Moe: This rope feels so soft against my skin!
B6B: Shut up Moe! You’re delirious! Take a leaf out of Zoidberg’s book!
Dr. John Zoidberg: You’re the only one that can see me B6B, because you’re hallucinating! And how!
Kif: Ahhh! The little people won’t leave me alone!
Paul: You freaks! Haven’t you ever been tied up and brutally tortured before?
B6B: Tortured? Not recently!
Moe: So how the hell are we going to get out of here? With Zip dead only a miracle could save us!
Zip’s body begins to stir. He’s alive!
Dr. Zoidberg: What’s with all the miracles? When Zoidberg needs a favour nobody wants to know!
Zip Finnigan: He hurted me real good!
Kif: How do you feel sir?
Zip Finnigan: How the fuck do you think I feel? I’ve got a bullet lodged beneath my skin! Just as soon as I get it out I’ll be fine! Hey crabby, give me a hand!
Dr. Zoidberg: Now Zoidberg can play God!
Paul: What? Don’t call me crabby you freak!
Zip Finnigan: Sorry, it’s the blood talking!
Kif: Try and get up!
Zip takes one look at his wound and faints, knocking himself unconscious.
Kif: Great! Now what?
11:15:45
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Now what?
Boba Muffett: Didn’t you just say that?
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) No!
Boba Muffett: We’ll keep following Michelle until we give up, or even she gives up. Whichever happens first!
11:17:55
Michelle: Hey look, there’s some sort of hilarious hitch-hiker! Let’s pick her up!
Megan: Is it my mummy?
Michelle: No you freak! She’s dead! We threw her in that ditch along with all the other bodies we managed to accumulate!
They stop the car and the woman gets in.
Michelle: Hi mum!…I mean, who are you?
Woman: Hi, my name’s Teri!
Instructor: Gasp!
Michelle: Megan! Stop strangling my new found boyfriend!
Instructor: Boyfriend? Waheey! I do so much more than teach people to drive!
Michelle: Oh yeah, I’ve been staring at your package for the whole journey!
Instructor: Yup, I’ve got to deliver this baby to the insurance agency! That’s the life of a driving instructing postal worker!
Teri: Err…Aren’t you married to Ed?
Michelle: How the hell would you know about that?
Teri: There’s a lot I know, that no-one else cares about!
Michelle: So where you heading, bitch…I mean, Teri!?!
Teri: I’m trying to find some evil doctor, who I’ve apparently been having some affair with. Now that my husband, Jack Beaver is dead, what more can I do?
Michelle: Fair enough, but I wont tell if you don’t!
Teri: Deal!
Megan: Yeah, but I might! Mooowhahahahaha!
Megan’s head spins around 360 degrees, whilst her eyes turn yellow and her skin a dark green as she spits out some devoured flesh.
Instructor: Who wants pop tarts!?!
11:28:23
At Sandman’s Sand Inc…
B6B: Come on! I’m going to untie you!
Kif: What? How did you get yourself free?
B6B: With a little help from my trusty Zoidberg!
Moe: Stop with the crabs already!
B6B: No, Zoidberg, the name of my trusty penknife!
Kif: Yeah, whatever! Just get us out of these ropes!
Paul: We’re free! Free!
B6B: What are we going to do with Zip? He’s out cold!
Moe: Cold, eh? Maybe if we throw what’s left of this cold cup of coffee over him!
They do just that.
Zip: Wha? What the hell? Coffee?
Paul: Let’s go!
Kif: No we can’t! We need to get this bullet out of his arm first!
B6B: Zoidberg’s a doctor, we can use him!
Moe: I thought he was a knife, like my Suzie!
B6B: Knife? Yeah let’s use him!
And so begins a twisted over long operation to remove the bullet from Zip’s arm. We shall spare you the gory details, but just think how Zip is feeling…
Zip: Aaararrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! You bastards! Noooooooooooooooooooo!
11:43:45
In the shuttle travelling to the Starship Beaverprise.
Captain: What a legendary shuttle!
Shuttle: Ah, thanks!
Captain: It’s a pleasure!
Alex: So, we haven’t seen the Beaverprise for a while, which is kinda poor!
Robert: What the fact that we haven’t seen it, or the ship itself?
Alex: Both.
Captain: You know we haven’t seen R.O.B.E. for a long time either!
Alex: Yeah, it was a good run, whilst it lasted!
Robert: I wonder what insane things him and Andrew have been getting up to?
Alex: Porn and sleep. What their lives consist of basically!
11:45:54
At a roadside Café…
Megan: Wow! These are real nice pop tarts!
Instructor: Aw shut up! You little brat!
Megan: Fuck you!
Teri: So I suppose we’d better be on our way!
Michelle: I’ll decide when it’s time to go!
Boba Muffett enters the café.
Michelle: Oh God, he’s caught up with us! Come on, we’ve got to get back to the car!
Instructor: We can get out the back way, if we break all the rules of the café code and I steal their computer to distract everyone!
They all run out of the back door, along with the computer, as Boba Muffett catches a glimpse of them in the corner of his eye.
Boba Muffett: Come back!
He races out of the café and back to the Boba Mobile, as Michelle drives off in front of them.
Boba Muffett: Let’s go! Drive you fool!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Err…You’re driving now! We swapped over when we filled up with petrol, because I was getting tired!
Boba Muffett: I knew that!
It’s not long (but long enough to fill up the rest of this episode so we don’t have to write anymore) before the Boba Mobile catches up with the inferior car that Michelle is driving.
Michelle: Megan you know what to do!
Megan opens her window and hangs out firing a sub machine gun at the Boba Mobile.
Megan: I’m out of ammo! What now?
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) That little brat’s shooting at us!
Boba Muffett: Well shoot back you fool!
The Monica Lewinski Masked Person shoots out one of Michelle’s tyres, causing the car to spin around 360 degrees, like Megan’s head, and eventually dive head first over a cliff.
Michelle: Noooooooooooo…
Teri: …ooooooooooo…
Megan: …ooooooooooooo!
Instructor: If this had happened on your test you would have failed!
The car lands at the bottom of the cliff with a massive crash.
Boba Muffett: Michelle! Noooooooooooo!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Well our work here is done!
Boba Muffett: Pretty much! No one could possibly survive a fall like that and just come out with a few scratches and bruises, though we never actually saw what happened after they went over, so anything is possible!
They drive off in the Boba Mobile.
11:58:56
Suddenly someone appears from the cliff edge.
Michelle: How unlikely was that? It’s a good job I’ve jumped out of cars going over cliff edges before!
She stands up and looks down at the burning wreckage below.
Michelle: Megan? Instructor? Teri? Pop Tarts?
She instantly collapses onto the ground. Laying perfectly still.
11:59:57…11:59:58…11:59:59
12:00:00
