Previously on Beaverprise…
Transmission: And here is that troll…My lovely wife, Rosemary!
Transmission: Yes, that was the one you call “Ed”. We are holding him to ransom, along with the Stereotypical WBF Leader. You must hand over the contract to the universe or your friends will be no more!
Captain: No, we can’t let the universe fall into the hands of beavers…I mean, Pure Evil!
As Michelle runs off the Hobo throws himself in front of the Boba Mobile.
Hobo: Oh my God! I’ve been insanely crippled from my neck down, but I’m still alive! What a cruel twist of fate!
Max Baxter: It appears to be deserted!
Michelle runs towards the water in slow motion and dives into the deep abyss that is the sea.
Moe: So you’re evil then?
Max Baxter: Yeah! It’s true, it’s all true!
Max Baxter ties B6B, Paul, Moe and Kif up, whilst leaving Zip for dead.
Boba Muffett: Yeah so we were shooting into the water and were wondering if we’d killed anyone!
The Life Guard turns the body over revealing it to be…
Boba Muffett: Michelle? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
The following takes place between 10am and 11am. Events occur in chronological order.
10:00:00
…The Hobo! No, not Michelle!
Boba Muffett: What have I done?
No, it wasn’t Michelle! Hello? Is anyone listening to me?
Life Guard: You bastards! You’ve killed my dear friend, the Hobo!
Boba Muffett: How do you know it’s the Hobo?
Life Guard: It says so right here on his homeless person’s ID card!
He shows Boba Muffett the card, reading: Hobo, The.
Boba Muffett: So it wasn’t Michelle? Thank God! You’d think we’d have noticed, what with the beard and the hideous features!
Life Guard: He was such a great hobo. We had such a hobotastic time together in the summer of love!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) What!?!
Somewhere nearby…Michelle climbs out of the water.
10:03:21
On The Planet Palmer 2…
B6B, Paul Moe And Kif Are Still Tied Up, Zip Lies On The Floor Motionless…
B6B: Get up Zip you freak!
Moe: Yeah get up your lazy bastard
Kif: Yeah!
Paul: Shut up Kif!
Zip:…
Paul: Shut up Zip!
Moe: What? He didn’t say anything!
B6B: Didn’t he? Maybe he said something but just too quiet for us to hear
Paul: No he didn’t say anything
Kif: Then he’s dead! Hooray!
B6B: Err…
Kif: Oh right! I mean, Noooooooooooooooooooooo!
Moe: You meant hooray just admit it. I don’t blame you.
10:06:43
Meanwhile…well not meanwhile but just after…at the WBF
Alex: Captain Shough, you have a call held on 12-206
Captain: Well answer it then! What do I pay you for?
Alex: Ironically you don’t actually pay me, this is a personal position soaked in revenge.
Transmission: This is the WBF leader, I’m some how sending this illegal transmission in a vain attempt to save my self
Alex: Illegal? Quick, cut him off!
Transmission: No! You must save me from the clutches of these evil maniacs!
Stereotypical Black Son: Father?
Transmission: No! Cut me off!
Captain: So where are you? Quick, give us all the plot details!
Transmission: Muffled Voices…Hey what the hell are you doing? Ed? Nooooooooo!
Alex: He’s been cut off!
Bloke: And who put you in charge of the WBF controls?
Captain: Oh you know, that weird guy! That one that looks like a racoon!
Bloke: Oh? Dave! Okay then! Sorry to interrupt!
Alex: We have to save them now! It seems that Ed has become some sort of alcoholic and will probably kill Milham before the hour is out!
Dave: Lets go!
10:11:42
Michelle is speeding away from the docks in a stolen car.
Michelle: Wow! I managed to dry off, learn to drive, steal this car and make sure my hair was perfectly in place in less than 8 minutes! How great am I?
The Guy Who Michelle Had Stolen The Car Off Who Is Also A Legendary Driving Instructor: Yeah! That hairdryer and comb I lent you really paid off!
Michelle: All that in 8 minutes! Who knows what could happen next!
Megan: Maybe we’ll find my dead mother in the boot of this car that has nothing to do with us!
Michelle: Yeah, if your lucky!
Megan: Bitch!
Michelle: Oh my god! It’s the police!
Instructor: I told you to stop at that traffic light!
They stop the car and the policeman walks over to them.
Policeman: So…This your car?
Michelle: No we stole it off my boss and hid him in the boot! I mean, no we stole it so that we could kidnap Megan and get out of LA before the bomb goes off! I mean, no I’m having a driving lesson, duh!
Policeman: Driving lesson? That explains the trail of blood you left behind you! And that mangled corpse I can see sticking out of the boot! May I take a look?
Michelle: Be my guest!
The Policeman walks round to the boot and opens it.
Michelle: As long as he doesn’t find the drug stash we’ve got hidden back there I don’t give a damn!
Policeman: Oh my god! What a hideous assortment of dead bodies! Nooooooo!
The Policeman Has A Heart Attack…
Michelle And The Driving Instructor Along With Megan Go And Have A Look In The Boot…
Michelle: Hobo Baggins?
Instructor: What a waste of human life! And my legendary boot has been ruined!
Megan: Mummy?
Michelle: Well here’s part of her!
Instructor: And here’s another part of her!
The Instructor Waves A Limb Around In The Air
Megan: A hobo, a life guard, my mum, your boss, Stevo and John Doe 47! How did they all fit in there? And why? And when? Aaargghhhh! This is all too complicated for an 8 year old like me!
Michelle: How? By means of a chainsaw probably. Why? I think that’s obvious, When? Ages ago if you consider the smell…But yeah, how?
10:24:34
In the Boba Mobile…
Boba Muffett: It’s a shame we had to kill them all!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Yeah, but why those people who had nothing to do with it, and who was that strange beaver like creature who you killed just because he was there?
Boba Muffett: Stop asking so many questions and follow that trail of blood.
They speed off, following the trail of blood that must end somewhere.
10:30:01
Back on Earth, Somewhere in LA…
Jill Razor: Wow I can’t believe we’re getting married in less than three hours!
John Doe 48: Yeah, we will do once these government agents leave.
Jill Razor: I hope they don’t kill my father.
Kate: Oh, don’t you? I think he’s some sort of secret CIA agent posing as a terrorist, or to be more precise, he’s a Mr. Young look a like.
Jill Razor: Well at least we’ll always have mother!
Kate: Nah, she was arrested last week for tax fraud.
John Doe 48: Hey Kate, come on, I want to show you something!
Jill Razor: Aw, can I come?
John Doe 48: Nah! You’ll see it soon enough! For now we’re keeping it secret, keeping it safe.
Kate: What is it? Where are you taking me? Dear God, you freak! Nooooooooooo!
John Doe 48: What? It’s only my collection of stamps, that I stole from Jack Beaver.
Kate: Oh that’s ok. I thought you were going to kill me or something!
John Doe 48: Well that too, but there’s time for that later!
John Doe 48 shows Kate the stamps, which is quite a conveniently long process.
Jill Razor: Woo! The wedding cake’s here! Come and have a look at it John!
John Doe 48: Wow! It looks good!
Dad: Good enough to die for? Moowhahahahaha!
Jill’s dad tries to gun John Doe 48 down, but fails and ends up shooting the cake instead.
John Doe 48: Oh my God! It’s some sort of a secret radioactive cake, come to blow up our wedding!
Kate: Err…Yeah!
10:45:02
At the WBF…
Stereotypical Black Son: What the hell are you still doing here? I thought you left before!
Captain: Nah, we sent Dave off, he seemed to want to go.
Alex: So when are we going?
Captain: Dunno, I’m not in charge. Anyway, where the hell are we going to go?
Alex: To save Ed and that WBF bloke!
Captain: And they are where exactly?
Alex: On that ship with Beaverson and Rosemary.
Captain: Exactly! So if we just fly off we’ll never find them!
Alex: You have to ruin everything don’t you!
Captain: Fine, we’ll go in about 10 minutes.
Stereotypical Black Wife: Can we come? It’s not like we’re doing anything else!
Alex: No Sherrie, it’ll only ruin things, like it ruined things for David. Anyway, I can never tell if you’ve changed or if you’re just better at lying now!
Stereotypical Black Wife: Sherrie? Who the hell are you talking to?
Alex: Lies! All lies!
10:51:37
On Earth…
John Doe 48: So what’s happened to me doc? Tell me straight!
Doctor: How the hell should I know? It’s not like I’m a doctor or anything!
John Doe 48: Just tell me you fool!
Doctor: You have an acute form of radiation poisoning. Your hair and skin has already started to fall off. Soon you’ll be nothing but a pile of bones.
John Doe 48: How long have I got?
Doctor: Well it could be an hour, maybe even a month. You never can tell.
John Doe 48: Aw that’s great! At least I’ll have time to see my family and friends one last time, before I leave God’s poor earth!
John Doe 48 stands up, and then instantly disintegrates into a pile of nothingness.
Dad: My work here is done! Bwahahaha!
10:54:23
Jill Razor sits in the living room with Kate.
Jill Razor: I hope my little buttercup is ok!
Kate: What about John, he could be dying, you insensitive freak!
Jill Razor: Sorry, but you know I feel about these plants dad keeps in the house!
The family dog, Fluffums, runs in…
Kate: What have you got there boy?
Kate takes a bone from his mouth, which has a tag reading: c/o John Doe 48.
Jill Razor: Fluffums, what have you done? You brutal killer you!
Jill hugs the dog.
10:56:43
On the Zipper Express…
Robert still in the toilet.
Robert: Hello? Hmmm….Where is everyone. Oh well, they seem to have gone. Maybe Baxter has done his dirty dead. This reminds me of when I was left alone on the Starship Beaverprise, whilst everyone else was off on so many legendary missions. If only Andrew were here…Andrew! What the hell happened to him?!?
10:58:02
The Starship Beaverprise, the scene of so many fantastic happenings is sitting silently in space.
It suddenly blows up in a massive ball of flames and metal. Insert feelings of deep remorse here.
As the explosion clears the open space falls silent once again. Nothing is left, not even a mouse.
10:59:32
At the WBF…
Alex: Incoming transmission from the Beaverprise, sir! It must be important.
Captain: At the risk of destroying the plot, let’s hear it!
Transmission: What the Bloody Hell!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!
10:59:57…10:59:58…10:59:59
11:00:00
Transmission: And here is that troll…My lovely wife, Rosemary!
Transmission: Yes, that was the one you call “Ed”. We are holding him to ransom, along with the Stereotypical WBF Leader. You must hand over the contract to the universe or your friends will be no more!
Captain: No, we can’t let the universe fall into the hands of beavers…I mean, Pure Evil!
As Michelle runs off the Hobo throws himself in front of the Boba Mobile.
Hobo: Oh my God! I’ve been insanely crippled from my neck down, but I’m still alive! What a cruel twist of fate!
Max Baxter: It appears to be deserted!
Michelle runs towards the water in slow motion and dives into the deep abyss that is the sea.
Moe: So you’re evil then?
Max Baxter: Yeah! It’s true, it’s all true!
Max Baxter ties B6B, Paul, Moe and Kif up, whilst leaving Zip for dead.
Boba Muffett: Yeah so we were shooting into the water and were wondering if we’d killed anyone!
The Life Guard turns the body over revealing it to be…
Boba Muffett: Michelle? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
The following takes place between 10am and 11am. Events occur in chronological order.
10:00:00
…The Hobo! No, not Michelle!
Boba Muffett: What have I done?
No, it wasn’t Michelle! Hello? Is anyone listening to me?
Life Guard: You bastards! You’ve killed my dear friend, the Hobo!
Boba Muffett: How do you know it’s the Hobo?
Life Guard: It says so right here on his homeless person’s ID card!
He shows Boba Muffett the card, reading: Hobo, The.
Boba Muffett: So it wasn’t Michelle? Thank God! You’d think we’d have noticed, what with the beard and the hideous features!
Life Guard: He was such a great hobo. We had such a hobotastic time together in the summer of love!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) What!?!
Somewhere nearby…Michelle climbs out of the water.
10:03:21
On The Planet Palmer 2…
B6B, Paul Moe And Kif Are Still Tied Up, Zip Lies On The Floor Motionless…
B6B: Get up Zip you freak!
Moe: Yeah get up your lazy bastard
Kif: Yeah!
Paul: Shut up Kif!
Zip:…
Paul: Shut up Zip!
Moe: What? He didn’t say anything!
B6B: Didn’t he? Maybe he said something but just too quiet for us to hear
Paul: No he didn’t say anything
Kif: Then he’s dead! Hooray!
B6B: Err…
Kif: Oh right! I mean, Noooooooooooooooooooooo!
Moe: You meant hooray just admit it. I don’t blame you.
10:06:43
Meanwhile…well not meanwhile but just after…at the WBF
Alex: Captain Shough, you have a call held on 12-206
Captain: Well answer it then! What do I pay you for?
Alex: Ironically you don’t actually pay me, this is a personal position soaked in revenge.
Transmission: This is the WBF leader, I’m some how sending this illegal transmission in a vain attempt to save my self
Alex: Illegal? Quick, cut him off!
Transmission: No! You must save me from the clutches of these evil maniacs!
Stereotypical Black Son: Father?
Transmission: No! Cut me off!
Captain: So where are you? Quick, give us all the plot details!
Transmission: Muffled Voices…Hey what the hell are you doing? Ed? Nooooooooo!
Alex: He’s been cut off!
Bloke: And who put you in charge of the WBF controls?
Captain: Oh you know, that weird guy! That one that looks like a racoon!
Bloke: Oh? Dave! Okay then! Sorry to interrupt!
Alex: We have to save them now! It seems that Ed has become some sort of alcoholic and will probably kill Milham before the hour is out!
Dave: Lets go!
10:11:42
Michelle is speeding away from the docks in a stolen car.
Michelle: Wow! I managed to dry off, learn to drive, steal this car and make sure my hair was perfectly in place in less than 8 minutes! How great am I?
The Guy Who Michelle Had Stolen The Car Off Who Is Also A Legendary Driving Instructor: Yeah! That hairdryer and comb I lent you really paid off!
Michelle: All that in 8 minutes! Who knows what could happen next!
Megan: Maybe we’ll find my dead mother in the boot of this car that has nothing to do with us!
Michelle: Yeah, if your lucky!
Megan: Bitch!
Michelle: Oh my god! It’s the police!
Instructor: I told you to stop at that traffic light!
They stop the car and the policeman walks over to them.
Policeman: So…This your car?
Michelle: No we stole it off my boss and hid him in the boot! I mean, no we stole it so that we could kidnap Megan and get out of LA before the bomb goes off! I mean, no I’m having a driving lesson, duh!
Policeman: Driving lesson? That explains the trail of blood you left behind you! And that mangled corpse I can see sticking out of the boot! May I take a look?
Michelle: Be my guest!
The Policeman walks round to the boot and opens it.
Michelle: As long as he doesn’t find the drug stash we’ve got hidden back there I don’t give a damn!
Policeman: Oh my god! What a hideous assortment of dead bodies! Nooooooo!
The Policeman Has A Heart Attack…
Michelle And The Driving Instructor Along With Megan Go And Have A Look In The Boot…
Michelle: Hobo Baggins?
Instructor: What a waste of human life! And my legendary boot has been ruined!
Megan: Mummy?
Michelle: Well here’s part of her!
Instructor: And here’s another part of her!
The Instructor Waves A Limb Around In The Air
Megan: A hobo, a life guard, my mum, your boss, Stevo and John Doe 47! How did they all fit in there? And why? And when? Aaargghhhh! This is all too complicated for an 8 year old like me!
Michelle: How? By means of a chainsaw probably. Why? I think that’s obvious, When? Ages ago if you consider the smell…But yeah, how?
10:24:34
In the Boba Mobile…
Boba Muffett: It’s a shame we had to kill them all!
Monica Lewinski Masked Person: (gruff voice) Yeah, but why those people who had nothing to do with it, and who was that strange beaver like creature who you killed just because he was there?
Boba Muffett: Stop asking so many questions and follow that trail of blood.
They speed off, following the trail of blood that must end somewhere.
10:30:01
Back on Earth, Somewhere in LA…
Jill Razor: Wow I can’t believe we’re getting married in less than three hours!
John Doe 48: Yeah, we will do once these government agents leave.
Jill Razor: I hope they don’t kill my father.
Kate: Oh, don’t you? I think he’s some sort of secret CIA agent posing as a terrorist, or to be more precise, he’s a Mr. Young look a like.
Jill Razor: Well at least we’ll always have mother!
Kate: Nah, she was arrested last week for tax fraud.
John Doe 48: Hey Kate, come on, I want to show you something!
Jill Razor: Aw, can I come?
John Doe 48: Nah! You’ll see it soon enough! For now we’re keeping it secret, keeping it safe.
Kate: What is it? Where are you taking me? Dear God, you freak! Nooooooooooo!
John Doe 48: What? It’s only my collection of stamps, that I stole from Jack Beaver.
Kate: Oh that’s ok. I thought you were going to kill me or something!
John Doe 48: Well that too, but there’s time for that later!
John Doe 48 shows Kate the stamps, which is quite a conveniently long process.
Jill Razor: Woo! The wedding cake’s here! Come and have a look at it John!
John Doe 48: Wow! It looks good!
Dad: Good enough to die for? Moowhahahahaha!
Jill’s dad tries to gun John Doe 48 down, but fails and ends up shooting the cake instead.
John Doe 48: Oh my God! It’s some sort of a secret radioactive cake, come to blow up our wedding!
Kate: Err…Yeah!
10:45:02
At the WBF…
Stereotypical Black Son: What the hell are you still doing here? I thought you left before!
Captain: Nah, we sent Dave off, he seemed to want to go.
Alex: So when are we going?
Captain: Dunno, I’m not in charge. Anyway, where the hell are we going to go?
Alex: To save Ed and that WBF bloke!
Captain: And they are where exactly?
Alex: On that ship with Beaverson and Rosemary.
Captain: Exactly! So if we just fly off we’ll never find them!
Alex: You have to ruin everything don’t you!
Captain: Fine, we’ll go in about 10 minutes.
Stereotypical Black Wife: Can we come? It’s not like we’re doing anything else!
Alex: No Sherrie, it’ll only ruin things, like it ruined things for David. Anyway, I can never tell if you’ve changed or if you’re just better at lying now!
Stereotypical Black Wife: Sherrie? Who the hell are you talking to?
Alex: Lies! All lies!
10:51:37
On Earth…
John Doe 48: So what’s happened to me doc? Tell me straight!
Doctor: How the hell should I know? It’s not like I’m a doctor or anything!
John Doe 48: Just tell me you fool!
Doctor: You have an acute form of radiation poisoning. Your hair and skin has already started to fall off. Soon you’ll be nothing but a pile of bones.
John Doe 48: How long have I got?
Doctor: Well it could be an hour, maybe even a month. You never can tell.
John Doe 48: Aw that’s great! At least I’ll have time to see my family and friends one last time, before I leave God’s poor earth!
John Doe 48 stands up, and then instantly disintegrates into a pile of nothingness.
Dad: My work here is done! Bwahahaha!
10:54:23
Jill Razor sits in the living room with Kate.
Jill Razor: I hope my little buttercup is ok!
Kate: What about John, he could be dying, you insensitive freak!
Jill Razor: Sorry, but you know I feel about these plants dad keeps in the house!
The family dog, Fluffums, runs in…
Kate: What have you got there boy?
Kate takes a bone from his mouth, which has a tag reading: c/o John Doe 48.
Jill Razor: Fluffums, what have you done? You brutal killer you!
Jill hugs the dog.
10:56:43
On the Zipper Express…
Robert still in the toilet.
Robert: Hello? Hmmm….Where is everyone. Oh well, they seem to have gone. Maybe Baxter has done his dirty dead. This reminds me of when I was left alone on the Starship Beaverprise, whilst everyone else was off on so many legendary missions. If only Andrew were here…Andrew! What the hell happened to him?!?
10:58:02
The Starship Beaverprise, the scene of so many fantastic happenings is sitting silently in space.
It suddenly blows up in a massive ball of flames and metal. Insert feelings of deep remorse here.
As the explosion clears the open space falls silent once again. Nothing is left, not even a mouse.
10:59:32
At the WBF…
Alex: Incoming transmission from the Beaverprise, sir! It must be important.
Captain: At the risk of destroying the plot, let’s hear it!
Transmission: What the Bloody Hell!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!
10:59:57…10:59:58…10:59:59
11:00:00
